Since finding the internet I’ve always felt that the world, despite it’s size, is becoming smaller and smaller every day. With the invention of the telephone and internet, I get to meet people that I otherwise would never get to meet. I get to learn about cultures that I otherwise wouldn’t get to experience in person. I’ve always felt that this is a good thing, until now.
A week or two ago I wrote a post about my internet love affair with hundred’s of woman from all over the world. It’s a relationship that you just can’t understand if you’ve not experienced it yourself. You just can’t know how personal life becomes when people can literally get in to your head. And you can’t know how good it feel’s to never feel alone.
A smaller group of girl’s and I have been in constant contact for more than two years now. It started off as one or two email’s a day and quickly exploded to two, sometimes three hundred email’s A DAY. I know them inside and out, and they know the in’s and out’s of every aspect of my life. We send parcel’s for birthday’s, we send text’s, we share photo’s that no one would ever really want to see. We call and we love each other as if we have known each other all of our lives.
It is this particular relationship that has just become incredibly hard to bare. My dear friend Jeannette’s mother just died and I can’t do anything to help her. While I marveled at being able to contact her via email every single day, and text her on day’s she was away, I now sit and cry because I can’t hold her hand. While it was easy enough to share a blow by blow textual account of Jaxon’s birth and first few days of life via mobile phone’s it’s a completely different story when it come’s to death.
I feel helpless. All I want to do is be there for her. All I want to do is hug her and tell her I am there. Sending flower’s just isn’t enough, I need to be with her and comfort her like normal friends would do in the same situation. But I can’t, and it’s breaking my heart to know that while I sit here at my computer crying for her, Jeannette is in pain.
For the first time in a long time, I can see that the world really isn’t that small. Ocean’s separate me from doing what I want so desperately to do. She might as well live on Mars for the amount of good I can do her from here.
It just sucks.
The world is too big.
Jeannette,with Samantha (niece on left) her son James and Jenna (niece on right)
you captured how i feel perfectly boo. I feel as though you, jeannette, mb, and kelly are right down the street. like i could hop over for tea anytime i pleased… but when faced with something as serious as death, all of a sudden you are all millions of miles away. I feel hopeless, lost, and like there is nothing I can do. Jeannette is in my thoughts always, but that hardly seems enough.
You’re welcome at my house for tea ANY time!
Jeannette got my flowers some time in the last 8 hours, and she got to read the forum, MB’s blog and mine. She’s very touched by everyone’s words.
(Why do I need to word verify that I am ME on my own blog??)
Boo you did a lovely job of describing alot of feelings we have from connecting on BF. Oceans do cause a gap in the heart!