I think I am in stage four of baby proofing my house.

Baby Proofing started off when Jaxon was just an itty bitty baby. Maybe he was 5 months old.

My baby proofing level back then was LEVEL ONE. An easy level which required minimal maintenance.

Level One baby Proofing meant that just one meter of space surrounding Jaxon HAD to be baby proofed. After all, he was not rolling, crawling or walking. Anything that was an absolute NO NO for baby was simply tossed aside.

But this level didn’t last long. Soon Jaxon learnt to roll, and then learnt that rolling was in fact a clever way of getting to those objects that once just sat there teasing his immobile body.

So came LEVEL TWO Baby Proofing.

Level Two Baby Proofing is much like Level One, just a little bit more work was involved. Since Jaxon now knew how to roll remote control’s had to be put UP off the floor. A few electrical cords got taped to the wall. In many cases, simply putting large item’s in his way was enough to keep the house safe.

But Level Two didn’t last long either. Now the item’s that Jaxon had spent hours and hours laying on his back watching and wondering about were now accessable. A few roll’s this way, a twist here and there and they were now within reach. Dog food and water comes to mind!

And so came LEVEL THREE Baby Proofing.

This involved quite a bit of construction on Mummy and Daddy’s part. A good part of New Years Day was spent building baby gates. These gates made me sane. I no longer had to wonder why Jaxon had gone quite, and why Mexxi NEVER had water or food. The kitchen became out of bounds, because we heard somewhere on the grape vine that hot stoves and babies just don’t mix well.

Another good thing about Level Three baby Proofing was that things we didn’t want Jaxon to get into or chew simply had to be put on the couch, or the coffee table. He couldn’t get to them. He could only look at them and wonder HOW he could get to them.

This level, thankfully, lasted at least 3 weeks. Right up until Nanny and Poppy taught Jaxon how to CLIMB stairs! It would appear that although WE don’t have stairs, other objects are just as much fun to conqure!

Hence why I am now faced with having to move in to LEVEL FOUR Baby Proofing.

Level Four is getting much more advanced. Now the coffee table is NOT a safe place to put my open can of drink. I learnt that one the hard way. And the couch is NOT a safe place to leave the remote control’s. I’ve also considered just getting a big ass dog chain to put around my neck in place of my normal necklace, since Jaxon think’s that the necklace is the perfect item on my body to get leaverage to pull himself up!

I have to find a new home for the fire poker’s, the free standing lamp and the pedistool fan in Jaxon’s room’s. Let’s not forget to chock open ALL door’s, for Jaxon might think that opening and slamming shut a door for hours on end be FUN FUN FUN!

So level Four I am stuck on. I shall spend the better part of my Sunday making sure that Jaxon can not piss me off by breaking something that was once out of his reach. Or spilling my RED soft drink all over my brand new rug!

I’ll also be having a word to Daddy, about the small item’s of crap that he tend’s to leave lying around on the coffee table, since it’s dangerous to leave them on the floor these days.

I suspect that Level Five and Six baby Proofing will involve the kitchen table and the DVD player. I had a brief preview of them tonight when Jack, who is now walking…pulled the face off of our DVD player (our two week old, brand spanking new DVD player) and nearly got my BCP from the very edge of the kitchen table.

I dread to think what Level’s Seven through Twenty will entail. Tim suggested gaffer taping Jaxon’s hands together and getting him a baby ball gag as a baby proofing measure.

I just don’t know if we would get away with that…especially since now I’ve told YOU about it!