STEP ONE: Recognition

In less than two months we expect Jaxon will be enrolled in day care for two days a week.

At first, this excited me. YAY! Me time I would say. A time when I could vacuum the entire house all in one big hit, and not have to worry about Jaxon crying in his cot for the noise, or chasing the vacuum cleaner screaming at it to not eat me. A time when I could just be me again, and perhaps find a part of me that is gone for the moment. The part of me that KNOWS how to spend some time alone.

But then it hit me that this would mean Jaxon was in the care of other people. That he would be one of many children needing attention. And that he might not always be the child getting attention.

Not that I give him 100% of my time or attention during the day, there is always house work that can’t be left for another day. But he get’s all of me when we’re together and playing. If he’s upset I’m on it, if he’s hungry I’m on it. If he is smiling and laughing and having a good time, I’m there and I see it.

I just didn’t think I would be one of those “My baby is growing up” kind of mother’s you know? I thought I was looking forward to it (I’m sure some part of me really is) but I am dreading the day when I have to walk in to a strange building and leave Jaxon with strange people and then WALK AWAY.

What is todays recognition, I hear you all screaming at your screens???

There are going to be TEARS! I know they’re going to be in my throat as I walk in the door, and in my eyes when I walk out. Sadly, Jaxon is stuck in that lovely “Mum? what Mum?” stage and I doubt he’ll notice I am gone for quite a few hours.

I DO look forward to that smile I hear other working Mum’s talk about. And the hug! I can’t wait for the hug! Oh look, I’m confusing myself. I don’t know if I want this next couple of months to go by quickly so I can get some me time, or if I want it to drag on so I can enjoy the time I have with Jaxon all to myself. Before he goes to highschool.

I need a hug!