Coming across to this domain has been nothing but trouble. This is in fact about 3 weeks in the making. Many long and late hours were spent here by both Tim and myself figuring out some of the simple things. That weren’t so simple. Finally, a few days ago it all started coming together. Enough for me to start thinking about announcing my new site to everyone.

But one of the problems that I’ve had is that when I exported my Kicking and Screaming posts over here to discoverboo, the video’s I had embedded over at blogger didn’t come across. So I’ve not only had to find those video’s again, but edit them again, upload them again and find where to put them AGAIN!!

That’s what I’ve been doing for the last two days. Searching my computer archives and CD file’s looking for the clips and then redoing it all again. In between spending time with Jaxon, unpacking a new house and settling in, and eating or sleeping, I’ve been running back and forth setting video’s up to download.

This wasn’t really a problem, since most of the video’s I’ve done right up until now have remained on my computer. I could locate the file depending on the time stamp back at K&S and then look for it in my folders (I”m very well organized about months and dates)

It’s this video clip that has just caused quite a bit of pain.

I have no way of putting it here because I haven’t found it. This is the ONLY video clip that will be stored on a disk. I also can’t just go to a specific month or day because it’s a falshback. As I looked through all of my disks, having major flashbacks I found a special clip.

Let me just describe it to you, since you may not think it’s as funny as I thought when I first took the clip. Jaxon is sitting in his rocking chair being all cute and cuddly and making funny little sounds. He’s oooo’ing and ahhhh’ing and babbling away. Just as I was about to say “awwwwwwww, how sweet” he started grunting. That’s right. I was video taping Jaxon doing a grunting poo!

But then, I noticed his arm in it. The clip was taken a few weeks before we knew there was an issue. I was saying to Tim “Hey look, it’s so obvious” just as the camera begins to scan the room and there, laying peacefully at his side, is Maddy. It was very unexpected and it hurt. I regret every day what happened to Maddy. I regret that we gave out on her because other things were happening with Jaxon that needed more attention than we could give her.

It hurts me every time I think of her to think that if we had just slugged it out those two weeks that I was going to be away, we just might have had all the time in the world for her. Hindsight is a bitch, because we just didn’t know going in to Riverton ragged and broken that when we returned Jaxon would be 95% better, sleeping and eating well.

I miss Maddy. It hurts all the more because I know we gave up on her. I know that we took the easier way out under the circumstances. And even though I  know I still did the right thing for Jaxon and the family, I know I did the wrong thing by her. And by my heart.

I’ve had people tell me she was just a dog. But people who know me know that I have never owned any old dog. My dogs have always been a strong part of my family, even before I met Tim. For three years before we had Jaxon, Maddy was our only child. I’d give anything to have her back.