Every year I, along with million’s of other people around the world, make a new years resolution to lose weight.

And I’m sure that each and every year I am not alone when I don’t do jack shit during the year to actually achieve that goal.

So this years new years resolutions will be very different for me.

Instead of giving myself the huge task of losing weight, I give myself an even bigger task.

I need to just concentrate on me being happy.

I need to make the effort to do my hair and put on make up and GET DRESSED every single day.

I need to get out and get a life aside from Tim and Jaxon and our home.

This year, I need to work on waking up happy. I know I am “happy”, but I mean in a non depressed kind of way. I’ve been struggling with depression off but mostly on for the last 15 years. It’s almost just a way of life for me and I need that to stop.

This year, I stop putting myself down.

This year I accept that people love me and that I mean a lot to them.

This year I accept that I am a good mother, a good wife and a good person to know.

I think if I can be happy on the inside the weight thing will sort itself out. And if it doesn’t just fall off me (like I would like it to do) then at least I will feel good enough on the inside to CARE what the outside looks like. At least I’ll feel good enough to make the effort.

So this year my resolutions are to look after myself. To be comfortable in my own skin and be happy with who I am to the people around me. To do the things I love. To live in the moment and accept that the past was hard but it has made me stronger. To forgive myself for not loving Jaxon right away. To forgive myself for the things that I hang over my own head all the time.

This year, I focus on growing on the inside. Rather than shrinking on the outside.