Respost. From 3rd Feb.

On a normal night, it takes me a long time to get to sleep. I am not talking 20 minutes, half an hour or even an hour. I am talking hours. Sometimes I lay in bed tossing and turning for three or four hours.

I get comfortable and I get sleepy but then I need to move and by the time I’ve rolled over I am completely awake again and the process starts all over again. And again. And again!

So my shrink gave me a “simple” exercise to do. All I need to do is to close my eyes and listen.

Listen to the wind. To the birds. To whatever it is that I can hear. She said “Just let your mind wonder, if you hear something else, focus on that. But don’t stop listening”

Then if I start to think about things and my mind starts to ponder as it often does on those sleepless nights, I just have to tell myself “Not now, I’m listening”

It’s all about training my brain to turn off.

You’d think this would be rather easy. To just listen. Even I thought it would be a piece of cake to do this.

But here is how it goes. My internal dialogue.

Listening.

To the crickets in the front yard.

Boo: I can do this listening stuff. How easy is this.

Boo: Oh shit. I’m thinking. Not now, I’m listening.

Listening.

To the wind blowing through my open window. Woosh. Woosh.

Boo: Did I put a towel in front of the door to stop it from banging shut?

Boo: Oops. Did it again. You can do this. How hard can it be? Just listen. Now what was I listening to? Oh right, the crickets.

Listening.

To the crickets.

Boo: I wonder what they’re doing out there? Maybe they have little cricket communities in my tree?

Boo: Bloody hell Boo. LISTEN!

Boo: Not now. I’m listening. At least, I think I am. I can do this. How hard could it be? Just listen stupid.

Listening.

To Tim turning the pages of his book next to me.

Boo: I wonder  if his book is good? I should ask him.

Boo: Shit. Not Now. I’m listening.

Boo: Bugger it. I’m doing it again. I’ll have to remember to tell her how HARD this is.

Boo: Not now. I am listening.

Listening.

To those damn crickets. Don’t they ever sleep? Oh a car driving by.

Listening.

To the car.

Boo: Oh they so need to get their breaks checked. How annoying is that noise!

Boo: Stop it. You’re just listening. Concentrate on the crickets woman.

Listening.

To the crickets. To the wind.

Boo: Thank God that car’s gone. How am I supposed to listen if all I can hear is that cars breaks?

Boo: Oh this is HARD! OK. Stop. Compose yourself. Concentrate. Crickets, crickets crickets.

Listening.

To the crickets.

Listening.

To the wind.

Listening.

To the crickets.

Boo: Maybe they have cricket schools? Oh thats stupid…they don’t have schools. It’s just crickets!

And it goes on and on.

For 20 minutes.

And then I fall asleep.

Maybe this listening stuff works after all??

Even if I’m not listening?