It only gets you so far.

It’s easy for everyone to offer that advice. It’s even easy enough to say you ARE staying positive. But on days like today, it’s just not enough.

Days when nothing is going right. When you don’t know what the future holds and where it’s going to take you.

Granted, no one knows what the future holds or where it’s going to take them. But you live day to day and you just get there.

At the moment, we don’t know if Tim has his job or doesn’t have his job. We don’t know if his rehab is going to help his hand or if he has lost the proper use of it or not. We don’t know if his body is going to respond to the drug treatment that he’ll eventually be put on. We don’t know if we’ll be able to put food on the table next week, much less keep the roof over our heads. We don’t know anything.

The jokes have all run out and I’m telling you now, staying positive only gets us so far. It’s getting hard to get out of bed and smile. The stress levels around here are out of control. Every time I wake up and Tim is in bed next to me I’m reminded that he’s not at work, not getting paid and not sure if he’ll be going back. Every time Tim drops something, can’t open a jar, shave his own face, carry his son or needs help to do the smallest things, he’s reminded that something is not right and it’s never going to go away.

Though he looks 100% fine, he’s not. Though I smile and say we’re doing ok…we’re not.

Right now, the fear of the unknown is stronger than our ability to remain upbeat and positive about this blow that has been given us. It seems that any time Tim and I finally think and feel we’re on our way to doing the things we want to do…and actually have the ability to do that….something get’s thrown our way. And every now and then, though we remain as positive as we can…we just want to throw our arms in the air and yell “Why me?” or “I give up”