I just found this as a Diary entry in some of my old word documents. Along with quite a few things from this time. So I decided, that this would be helpful to have here forever.

JJ’s feedings all day today and all of yesterday have been so difficult. I have to remain calm “they” tell me…and that’s almost impossible. I mean they tell me “We’re worried about his weight” (since he’s below the 3rd% and dropping steadily) and then in the next sentence tell us he has to have 700 mil a day. Well that’s all good and well except JJ eats really well right up until he hits exactly 75 mil a feed. He sucks well, he concentrates, he doesn’t spill a drop…and then he cries, twists and turns his head, flips his legs up and twists upside down in your lap, pull’s his arm up in front of his mouth spits it in my face, vomits, coughs and splatters…bends his body right back, closes his mouth and pushes the bottle out with his tongue then wont let it back in. Anything a baby could possibly do to not eat, he does. He even started just having the bottle in his mouth and PRETENDING to suck the other day. I sat there for an hour and thought wow this is a great feed only to take the bottle out and he’d had nothing!!! So 75 mil a feed, multiply that by 5, he’s only wanting to eat 375mil a day. So they want us to FORCE a bloody baby to eat 150 a feed. Tell me, how do you make a baby suck? You can’t.

It’s just getting frustrating. Our appointment with the paediatrician is on the 18th. That means I have 85 difficult feeds ahead of me. And I am telling you, if we get there and he comments on his weight and then tell’s us JJ is just a “fussy” f*^king eater I am going to hit the roof. And it’s sad that I feel I have to take Tim along just so all of these issues can’t be blamed on PND, which in my opinion wouldn’t exist if we weren’t constantly reminded that JJ was not gaining weight properly and we “HAVE” to “MAKE” him eat more…but sorry, there is nothing wrong, it’s all in your head, some babies are just fussy, you should try feeding him in the dark, on your other arm, make the milk warmer, don’t wake him up…upside down with your hand stuck up your a$$…that might work!?

Can you tell I have had enough? And not to mention that we get lectured about not having his shoes on ALL the time. Just once we’d love to hear “You’re doing a great job, everything’s on track and JJ’s a healthy young boy” is that too much to ask??? I just for once in my life would like someone to say “Something is not right here. Let ME help you” and get REAL help!