To start this entry, I first must tell you that I am not easily spooked. I grew up watching Freddy and the Candy Man. I LOVED horror movies. I played “Murder in the Dark” with my best friends, in the dark. I’ve been bush walking AT NIGHT time, without a torch. Last month I was reading a book about serial killer’s, just before bed time. And last year my friend and I laughed so hard we pee’d our pant’s because a horror movie we were watching made both of our husbands jump…one of them even swearing! To really sum it all up, let’s just say I’m a hard ass biotch.

This week we’ve been introduced to some pretty freaky clips on YOUTUBE. Clips that have completely changed the way I feel in the dark. I was really OK with what we saw last night, until my friend, who shall remain unnamed because she is a grown woman scared of the dark…said “I am not scared OF the dark, I am scared of what’s IN the dark”

That made a lot of sense to me. I’m terrified of swimming in the ocean when I can’t see the bottom. Not that I am scared of the ocean, I am scared of what’s IN the ocean. The stuff I can’t see, that my mind kindly makes up for me.

So last night we came home and put Jaxon to bed. While I was on the toilet…ahhhhhhh shit…I’m sorry. I had to say that. I WAS on the toilet and the toilet happens to be in the room next to Jaxon’s room.

So as I was saying. I was on the toilet and I heard a bang in Jaxon’s room. I REALLY did hear it, I am sure. And so did Jaxon, because he woke up screaming his head off.

So we calmed him down and got him to go back to sleep and went to bed ourselves. We now have a baby monitor since his room is much further away from ours and we couldn’t hear him until he got to “melting point” Through the monitor we could hear “tapping” like his blinds were banging on the wall…except the window was closed and no breeze was about. Jaxon once again woke up and we gave up trying. I brought him up to sit with Daddy and I in bed while he was awake and still we heard bumping noises in his room.

At this point, Tim doesn’t know how freaked out I am. He sends me down there ALONE to put Jaxon back to sleep. And the lights were off. And I WAS SCARED!

Needless to say, that baseball bat that we somehow acquired way back when we first met (who plays baseball anyway?) is now in the bedroom next to my bed. And I’ve made Tim install a lock on the back door…not only because of the freaky alien clips and scary shit we’ve been watching but because a new friend of mine once woke up to noises and found a drunk man hiding under her 3 month old’s cot while they all slept!

So here are the clips I am referring to. YOU can watch them and then leave comments blaming me for you being scared of the dark too!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuMCkMe1JOU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnH9OJP6FTk

This next one is actually pretty cool…try and figure it out, because we couldn’t see a way that it could happen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSLBtm__aKw

Watch this one closely, so you get MY full experience.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wz1W_omigwg&feature=related

But now, I am sad to say…I must go to bed. Because Tim just went to bed and left me in a freakin dark room!!!

To start this entry, I first must tell you that I am not easily spooked. I grew up watching Freddy and the Candy Man. I LOVED horror movies. I played “Murder in the Dark” with my best friends, in the dark. I’ve been bush walking AT NIGHT time, without a torch. Last month I was reading a book about serial killer’s, just before bed time. And last year my friend and I laughed so hard we pee’d our pant’s because a horror movie we were watching made both of our husbands jump…one of them even swearing! To really sum it all up, let’s just say I’m a hard ass biotch.

This week we’ve been introduced to some pretty freaky clips on YOUTUBE. Clips that have completely changed the way I feel in the dark. I was really OK with what we saw last night, until my friend, who shall remain unnamed because she is a grown woman scared of the dark…said “I am not scared OF the dark, I am scared of what’s IN the dark”

That made a lot of sense to me. I’m terrified of swimming in the ocean when I can’t see the bottom. Not that I am scared of the ocean, I am scared of what’s IN the ocean. The stuff I can’t see, that my mind kindly makes up for me.

So last night we came home and put Jaxon to bed. While I was on the toilet…ahhhhhhh shit…I’m sorry. I had to say that. I WAS on the toilet and the toilet happens to be in the room next to Jaxon’s room.

So as I was saying. I was on the toilet and I heard a bang in Jaxon’s room. I REALLY did hear it, I am sure. And so did Jaxon, because he woke up screaming his head off.

So we calmed him down and got him to go back to sleep and went to bed ourselves. We now have a baby monitor since his room is much further away from ours and we couldn’t hear him until he got to “melting point” Through the monitor we could hear “tapping” like his blinds were banging on the wall…except the window was closed and no breeze was about. Jaxon once again woke up and we gave up trying. I brought him up to sit with Daddy and I in bed while he was awake and still we heard bumping noises in his room.

At this point, Tim doesn’t know how freaked out I am. He sends me down there ALONE to put Jaxon back to sleep. And the lights were off. And I WAS SCARED!

Needless to say, that baseball bat that we somehow acquired way back when we first met (who plays baseball anyway?) is now in the bedroom next to my bed. And I’ve made Tim install a lock on the back door…not only because of the freaky alien clips and scary shit we’ve been watching but because a new friend of mine once woke up to noises and found a drunk man hiding under her 3 month old’s cot while they all slept!

So here are the clips I am referring to. YOU can watch them and then leave comments blaming me for you being scared of the dark too!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuMCkMe1JOU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnH9OJP6FTk

This next one is actually pretty cool…try and figure it out, because we couldn’t see a way that it could happen!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSLBtm__aKw

Watch this one closely, so you get MY full experience.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wz1W_omigwg&feature=related

But now, I am sad to say…I must go to bed. Because Tim just went to bed and left me in a freakin dark room!!!

STEP ONE: Recognition

In less than two months we expect Jaxon will be enrolled in day care for two days a week.

At first, this excited me. YAY! Me time I would say. A time when I could vacuum the entire house all in one big hit, and not have to worry about Jaxon crying in his cot for the noise, or chasing the vacuum cleaner screaming at it to not eat me. A time when I could just be me again, and perhaps find a part of me that is gone for the moment. The part of me that KNOWS how to spend some time alone.

But then it hit me that this would mean Jaxon was in the care of other people. That he would be one of many children needing attention. And that he might not always be the child getting attention.

Not that I give him 100% of my time or attention during the day, there is always house work that can’t be left for another day. But he get’s all of me when we’re together and playing. If he’s upset I’m on it, if he’s hungry I’m on it. If he is smiling and laughing and having a good time, I’m there and I see it.

I just didn’t think I would be one of those “My baby is growing up” kind of mother’s you know? I thought I was looking forward to it (I’m sure some part of me really is) but I am dreading the day when I have to walk in to a strange building and leave Jaxon with strange people and then WALK AWAY.

What is todays recognition, I hear you all screaming at your screens???

There are going to be TEARS! I know they’re going to be in my throat as I walk in the door, and in my eyes when I walk out. Sadly, Jaxon is stuck in that lovely “Mum? what Mum?” stage and I doubt he’ll notice I am gone for quite a few hours.

I DO look forward to that smile I hear other working Mum’s talk about. And the hug! I can’t wait for the hug! Oh look, I’m confusing myself. I don’t know if I want this next couple of months to go by quickly so I can get some me time, or if I want it to drag on so I can enjoy the time I have with Jaxon all to myself. Before he goes to highschool.

I need a hug!

STEP ONE: Recognition

In less than two months we expect Jaxon will be enrolled in day care for two days a week.

At first, this excited me. YAY! Me time I would say. A time when I could vacuum the entire house all in one big hit, and not have to worry about Jaxon crying in his cot for the noise, or chasing the vacuum cleaner screaming at it to not eat me. A time when I could just be me again, and perhaps find a part of me that is gone for the moment. The part of me that KNOWS how to spend some time alone.

But then it hit me that this would mean Jaxon was in the care of other people. That he would be one of many children needing attention. And that he might not always be the child getting attention.

Not that I give him 100% of my time or attention during the day, there is always house work that can’t be left for another day. But he get’s all of me when we’re together and playing. If he’s upset I’m on it, if he’s hungry I’m on it. If he is smiling and laughing and having a good time, I’m there and I see it.

I just didn’t think I would be one of those “My baby is growing up” kind of mother’s you know? I thought I was looking forward to it (I’m sure some part of me really is) but I am dreading the day when I have to walk in to a strange building and leave Jaxon with strange people and then WALK AWAY.

What is todays recognition, I hear you all screaming at your screens???

There are going to be TEARS! I know they’re going to be in my throat as I walk in the door, and in my eyes when I walk out. Sadly, Jaxon is stuck in that lovely “Mum? what Mum?” stage and I doubt he’ll notice I am gone for quite a few hours.

I DO look forward to that smile I hear other working Mum’s talk about. And the hug! I can’t wait for the hug! Oh look, I’m confusing myself. I don’t know if I want this next couple of months to go by quickly so I can get some me time, or if I want it to drag on so I can enjoy the time I have with Jaxon all to myself. Before he goes to highschool.

I need a hug!

A very good friend just told me that it’s been increased to 12,000 steps a day.

What do they think I am? Super Mum???

I went to the Reject shop today and bought myself a $2 step counter. You know the one’s that you put on your belt and it tells you how many steps you’ve walked??

I put it on just before cooking dinner and it was on through doing dishes, feeding Jaxon and all sorts of other mundane house wifey things. All up, for two hours…800 steps. Not bad right?

Until Tim opened his big mouth and informed me that in order to lose weight, one must walk TEN THOUSAND steps per day.

So I solved this problem. I gave the step counter to Jaxon. He shook the hell out of it and before long I had successfully done 10,000 steps.

I’ll lose weight in not time! EASY!

It seems like I do a lot of bitching around here. It could be true.

I’d just like to take this opportunity to say that a very special little boy and his mother made me see something very important. They’ve made me see that no matter how many physio appointment’s I have to go to, no matter how many days and hour’s I have to put Jaxon’s shoes on, no matter how many nights he stays up crying because of his non existant teeth and no matter how many time’s he refuses to eat my food…that I am still one very VERY lucky Mumma to have him.

None of that stuff matters. The stuff that annoy’s and upsets me. Because Jaxon is alive and is going to be here tomorrow, bung arm, crooked neck, club foot and all. I can not express how deeply I have been affected by Joshua and his mother. I feel like the luckiest person in the world simply because Jaxon is here and is crying and is having phsyio. They have shown me that no matter what, I am lucky. I am so lucky.

It doesn’t seem the right thing to thank them. But if I could and I could justify it, I would. Perhaps I could just say thank you, for sharing your journey with me no matter how painful it was. Thank you for your honesty and for letting me see your pain and your strength. Thank you for showing me that what I go through as a mother on a daily basis is all very simple and short lasting.

Thank you for opening my very closed eyes. And thank you for opening up my heart to the very special little man that I was sometime’s looking past because of the way his life was affecting me.

Most importantly, thank you for giving me my son.

You can read Joshua’s and Susie’s story here.

http://mnssams.blogspot.com/

When I tell people that I am teaching myself how to make things from glass more often than not the first thing they say is “Oh I would love to do that, is it hard?”

The answer to this question is no. It’s not technically hard. We bought some “how to” books to teach us how to actually cut the glass and then put it together, in a way that resembled some sort of art.

What it is is very expensive. The start up costs were amazing (don’t ask) The material is outrageous! Why a single income family decided to chose stained glass as a hobby, I don’t know.

So the last time we went to the glass shop we bought 2 small sheets of yellow glass to make my sunflower project. Once I finished the larger of the two sunflower’s, we then found that the second sheet of yellow glass was completey different to the first. And I didn’t like that idea. Tim kept telling me it would be ok. Just make the second flower out of the different glass he said. But I can’t do that. Because sunflower’s are all the same. They don’t differ in their intensity of yellow.

So my glass sat there for weeks, because I’d technically run out of glass to keep going. And we can’t go to the glass shop again because we’re saving for other more important things.

This is what I have done, to get some sort of satisfaction out of this hobby. I have made the big flower, which was already completed…into a suncatcher. It was annoying me to not be able to keep going and also to not have something to show for the work I had already done.

That’s it just there. It is not the best project I have done. As in I like the mirror concept more than anything. But it IS the best work I have done in terms of technique. The line’s are clean and smooth like the professional one’s I compare my work to all the time.

Now to find another project, or hobby.

Why I didn’t just take up tobacco spitting as a sport or something I don’t know.

There’s a funny looking skeleton thing growing in our spare room.

Tim assures me that it wont always look this scary. And I was relieved when he told me that it is not going to take up the entire ceiling section in Jaxon’s room like he originally planned.

I’d just like to take a moment to thank my father in law. For giving Tim the idea to make TWO plane’s that will take up all of that space in Jaxon’s room…instead of just one.

That was a great idea.

THANKS!