While Nanny and Poppy visited for Jaxon’s birthday this year, I learnt a very important lesson.

The lesson??

Don’t go on a 3 kilometer bush walk when you think you might shit your pants.

Dah!

It really has to be up there with the worst thing that could ever happen. The worst feeling and the most embarassing thing to have to explain to the person you’re with at the time.

At the time I was lucky. I was only with Tim. I got that uncomfortable feeling.

At that time, I was doing what everyone out on bush walks does when they see a hanging rock. I was standing under it and acting like I was holding it up for one of those candid shots you get but would never frame.

Then I felt like I needed to do a big fart.

So I did.

And more.

I said to Tim, I think I just shit my pants. And Tim replies…Ahhh shit.

Exactly.

(I was sick by the way. I don’t make a habit of just shitting my pants whenever I please)

It has to be up there with one of the worst things that could ever happen to you in public.

And might I add, it’s just as awful when you fall alseep and do it again while you sleep.

I did mention, and you DID hear…that I was sick right???

Anyway. I thought I would share. Enjoy!

I’m just sharing photo’s that I’m really proud of.

Tim got himself a new camera so we’re playing about with it and tonight while we all sat in the back yard soaking up the sunset, Dude started playing in the funny dead grass things that have blown in from the empty field across the road.

They’re a total pain in the ass and despite the fact I keep throwing them over the neighbors fence under the cover of darkness, they keep showing up back on our side of the fence (it’s an empty house, so no, they are not throwing them back)

Anyway, they make for a very playful kitty cat and he’s very photogenic…which I love.

I just really like these photo’s of him.

Australia Day

26th January 2009

That’s me. Taking a deep breath in, a deep breath out.

Why? Because Nanny, Poppy, Tim and Jaxon have just left the house to go for a bush walk. And left me here…totally alone.

We have a house inspection tomorrow and I need to clean my very messy home.

So Poppy and I are talking in the front yard as Nanny put’s Jaxon in his car seat.

He tell’s me “Don’t worry, we’ll be really careful”

My response??

Be gone. Go. Have fun. TAKE. YOUR. TIME.

Don’t get me wrong. Love the boy, love the husband. Gonna miss ya. But…I can’t tell you how nice it is to be alone in the house and know that Jaxon is in the care of people that love him and care for his safety as much as I do.

The first thing I did? Well I turned the friggin Wiggles off and put MY music on. Really REALLY loud! Then I took my clothes off.

Then I came here, to blog it. Because this doesn’t happen often.

But now I must go vacuum…or have a bath. Or a nanna nap where I know I wont be woken by anybody or anything.

You’d think that would be a tough choice. House work V Time to be Me.

But I have to clean

Mary Beth, clearly thinks I don’t have enough blogging material 

So, this Honest Scrap thing. I’ve never seen it before so I’ll just follow the rules and hope I don’t get in any sort of trouble. Lucky thing then that I live ALL THE WAY DOWN UNDER and MB is scared of all those spider’s we have…snigger snigger.

Here are the rules for this award:

a) List 10 honest things about yourself – and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep!

and

b) Pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

Wow. I really am going to have to dig deep. I think I’m too honest sometimes!

And of course, I hope you don’t expect short and sweet from me. I don’t know how to do short and I certainly don’t do sweet.

1)

When I was in high school I always wanted to get hurt in some sort of tragic and or/dramatic way. I would sit and day dream about falling over and breaking my leg and needing to get dragged off in an ambulance for ages in class. This way, I would be remembered as the girl who broke her leg/cracked her head open/fell down the stairs/cut her hand off or got hit by a car and not the “slut” of the school. Which I wasn’t.

2)

I am a self harmer. I started cutting when I was day dreaming about getting hurt in school. Self harming is not always about suicide. For me, it was the last thing on my mind. Self harming for me happened when so much pain and hurt and anguish was happening on the inside. In my head. When I couldn’t sleep for days on end and my head started pounding and I felt like I was about to explode. The pain that I created by cutting my arms, somehow released the pain I had on the inside. And by concentrating on the pain of the cuts, the other stuff faded away. By looking after my wounds, I felt more alive.

People in my life feel safe because I have not cut since early 2002. Just before I met Tim. But the truth is that it’s always there. And if I don’t stay on top of getting help when I need it, it could always happen. It’s always there. It makes you feel guilty. It makes you feel ashamed. But somehow it makes you feel better and when things get tough I always think about doing it. It will never go away but I hope that I will never lose so much of my control over it that I need to “use” it again.

3)

My husband makes me a better person.

I will never forget the first time Tim was talking in his sleep. About four or five weeks after we met. And even though I didn’t do it, I told him in the morning that I had tried to talk all of his deepest darkest secrets out of him while he slept. And he said “That’s not very nice, they’re my secrets and *I* control when you get to go inside” Man, that hit me. I hadn’t done it. But what he said was so true. And I have never ever considered doing it again, because I know I am a good person.

EXCEPT for that one time, when he rolled over and asked me to “hand him the towel with the chicken in it”…I made him repeat what he’d asked. Which he did. And then he woke up and heard what he was asking me to give him. So he told me I was a fucking bitch and went back to sleep. I was 30 weeks pregnant and had to go and sit ON the toilet while I laughed because I kept peeing my pants. I was laughing SO hard!

HEY! The rules clearly stated that I had to dig deep.

4)

Hmmmmm….

Sometimes, when Tim makes me laugh too much…I snort. Yep. I’m a snorter. And the really sad thing is…Jaxon does it too. Of ALL the things he could have taken from my gene pool…he took the stupid snort!

5)

Though I was very good at school and might even have been called the teacher’s pet on numerous occasions, I was also a very disruptive student. On my list of things that I would hope my son never does…

• I got in to a fight with my “ex-best friend” and threw a table at her. Then, when we both got sent to the principles office I managed to suck her (teacher) in to thinking it was ALL ex-best friends fault and I was the innocent party.
• We had a teacher named Mrs Gargan. Kids called her Nag Rag but no one ever did it to her face. Until I came along. I got in a LOT of trouble for that one. Mrs Gargan was my best teacher, and I really liked her.
• In year 8 I talked my entire class (for Mrs Gargan’s Italian class) to wag. They did. But all we did was go and sit outside her class room window where she could see us but not get to us.
• I would sit in class on my chair backwards. With my legs spread. Or I would sit with my feet up on the table. And once again, Mrs Gargan would yell at me and tell me I was un-lady like and that I was impertinent. I got my thrills by making her spit it, so that she would spray the kids in the front row. She would yell, “Jai-meeee, STOP. BEING. IM. PER. TI. NENT!! (and that there peoples, is the first and last time you will ever see me use my real name on this blog)

6)

I believe in God. But not religion. I believe that we should act a certain way and that the Ten Commandments are simply common sense. Following them should keep you out of trouble. It’s common sense not to steal things. It’s common sense not to fool around with your friend’s wife or girl friend. I believe that if everyone could believe that there is a God and not that I have a God and you have a God but MY God is better than yours or MY way is the RIGHT way, then there would be fewer wars. I believe that NO GOD would want us to fight this way.

I also happen to think that science has it right too. So maybe science created the Universe and God created humans.

7)

I happen to believe in global warming. I think that if we don’t do something about how we treat the earth soon, then in 50 years there will be nothing left of us. I am sad for my grandchildren for the mess that we are creating for THEM to clean up.

Australia is running out of water fast. When the water run’s out, the tree’s and plants die. And when they die the air will suffer. And when THAT happens the ozone (which by the way is paper thin) will suffer and when THAT happens, everyone will suffer. The temperature of the Earth will get so bad that water will dry up everywhere…and the trees will go. And the oxygen will go. And of course, as this all happens we stupid humans will fight over the last remaining tanks of oil and water…and when Aliens come to visit…there’ll be nothing left. Except of course, our rubbish. And our material belongings, which we put money towards over helping save the planet.

I also wish that NASA would quit sending rockets in to space. They go through our ozone layer. Dick heads.

8 )

At the moment, I am seeing a psychiatrist. I went there for a very specific reason.

Since Terry died back in 1997, I’ve been unable to cope with stress. I’ve been unable to keep a job for longer than 3 months. I normally lose a job within three weeks of starting.

I start, it’s all good.

Then one day someone will say something and I’ll start stressing about it. It could be nothing. It could be that I put the jug back in the wrong spot and could I please make sure I don’t do it again. But then from that day on I feel like everyone is talking about me. And everyone is sitting there laughing at me when I leave.

Then of course, I start lying in bed for hours and hours on end unable to sleep because I can’t stop thinking about what they might be saying and what they really meant when they said could I please make sure I didn’t do it again. Did they really mean that I am a bad person and I am going to suffer a long and painful death in hell because I put that stupid jug back on the right side of the bench instead of the left side of the bench? And why the hell didn’t they tell me to put it back on the right side so that I didn’t have to get in trouble in the first place huh?

So I lose sleep and then one day, not long after the jug incident…I start not wanting to go in. But I get up and I force myself to go. But then something else might happen. And it could be even more stupid than the jug incident (if that’s at all possible) like “could you take this to so and so” said in the “wrong” tone.

The next day?? I just don’t go. I lay in bed crying  and I can’t get out of bed because I’ve failed once again at keeping a job. And all the other stuff around that fact that keeps me awake at night. Like letting my family down. Letting Tim down. And letting myself down.

I’ve been doing this shit for 11 years. And I am sick of it. I don’t want to be THAT KIND OF ROLE MODEL for my kids. Because before Terry died I LOVED working and I was a good hard worker with a real future in my industry. I was going to go far and I could cope with comments and stress and lack of sleep and dead lines. I was a proud person who walked with her head high and didn’t worry so much about the crap that goes on at work. I never ever called in sick, I never cried at work in the toilets.

So I am SICK AND TIRED of being that person that can’t keep a job. A few weeks ago I decided that it’s a problem that I can’t solve by myself. That I am so accustomed to failing and losing jobs that right now, I am SCARED to go back to work even if I want to or our family would be better off if I did. Because I am scared to fail again. And let people down again.

Last week I walked in to that ladies office and I knew exactly what to say to her. Teach me how to cope again. Teach me how to function again. Teach me how to deal with LIFE (ie, having to work and keep a job) again.

I’m on my way.

9)

I want to write a book one day. I have been through so much. A parental divorce, my brother being killed in a car accident, child hood abuse, tough school years, severe depression, post natal depression, suicide attempts…the list goes on. I just feel like it can’t all be for nothing. Stuff like that can’t happen to someone like me and not be for a reason. Someone that can open up and talk about it all with pure honesty. Someone that can openly admit to mistakes, and failures, and open up about the pain and suffering without breaking down. It must have happened so that one day I can help other people going through the same shit.

10)

I had to ask Tim to help me out here because at one time or another all of my secrets have been told to someone or other. And he thinks you should know that my second toe is bigger than my big toe. As in longer. He thinks this is unusual but I think it’s normal. So if you happen to have a second toe that is like,  3mm longer than your big toe…pipe up and let him know in the comments section!

OK. Finally. We’re at the end. I can pass this thing along. I hope the people I pass it on to enjoy doing this as much as I have. Thank you Mary Beth, for giving me material I can work with

Firstly, this award goes to Jackie over at “The other side of the fence” because she’s just started blogging and I wanted to challenge her

Then, to Angela at “Thatch” The Journey. Because she inspires me in ways that no one else in my life will ever understand. This link will send you to my most favoritue post of hers. It’s my favorite post, because this is the way I see life. Stop, and smell the roses…or take in the sunrise…as it were.

Then, Ashley at Lily’s Pad, because she’s gone through some huge life changes recently and I wonder how she’s going.

Then my bestest friend ever Tasha at Tasha’s Asylum, because she started blogging but it never took off and I want to see more of her life since we no longer live close enough to meet up!

Then to Jackie over at Can we Survive, because she has an endangered animal up on her blog and I like that. She cares, and I like that.

Sending a big call out to Nicole at Mile’s Files. Just letting you know we’re all thinking about you and Mile’s. I don’t comment often, but I do read!

And last but not least, well. Not least. And I don’t know her name but I’ve been watching over at Sex Diaries of a Mom, and patiently waiting. And I thought, maybe, just maybe…she needs this award to help her get back in to blogging. Because blogging has become so important to me and maybe it’s important to her too and she just needs something to write about to get back in to her sexy groove.

This is photo’s taken of an approaching dust storm on Christmas day 2008. They were taken near Katherine in the Northern Territory. Australia. Not by me. Clearly. These are someone else’s photo’s.

I really should stop thinking that my son is above average and that I’ve escaped certain stages in his development. Certain stages that a mother and or father would much rather skip anyway.

To give a little of the back ground here, my friend Mary Beth from Because I said So, once told me all about her son Jamie who would, take off his own dirty nappy and spread it’s contents where ever he pleased. Mainly, she said, in his cot.

Well these past few days have been pretty big for Jaxon’s development. He’s learnt to say motor bike, and he answer’s “good” when I ask him how he is. He has excelled at the pool and he very recently (today) found his lungs. As in, he learnt to squeal. Very loudly.

But he sadly also learnt how to take off his own dirty nappy today. So while I was hanging towel’s out on the line, he was inside (and might I say joyfully) running the length of the hall way from his bedroom SCRUBBING his poo all over the wall!

Hm. Yeah. Just…above average normal.

(I thought it bad taste to take a photo of it and put it here. So I’ve put it here.)

This morning I had the blue care lady come to look after Jaxon as per the normal Friday routine. It’s a four hour stint and I look forward to it all week. Without it I think I might just go crazy not knowing when I get that “me” time.

Today was a long and tiring day. You might not think so since I’m up at 1am posting. But really it was. I think I’m over tired. Jaxon was up all night. He was awake until almost midnight and then woke twice, was hard to settle and eventually woke up for good at 5am when Tim got up for work.

I thought by the time my relief came I’d be ready to fall in to bed for a snooze…but decided on a bush walk instead.

Here are my two favorite photo’s.

This next one was not at the fall’s. It’s a logging company on the way home. I stopped in on the way back just to get these photo’s. I know I’m in to being environmental and all that, but these logs all lined up just looked so pretty, yet sad at the same time.

The walk down to the water fall is about 5 kilometer’s. It’s really a nice walk. I’ve done it twice and it’s for that very reason that I didn’t do it again today. You go down one way, and come up these stupid stairs. There’s more than 100 steps and the last time I did it I had an asthma attack half way up. Not many people make the round trip. It’s much easier just to go to the lookout above the fall’s than to walk down to them where you can actually walk in to the spray.

You can see more of them here.

17th January 2009

After having to write a post like this a little while ago, it’s nice to finally be able to say something different about WordPress support.

I’ve been fairly disappointed in the amount that people tend to care about your problems in their forums. Some threads asking for help can go days, weeks, months and even years without being answered. And I’m not even just talking about my own posts.

They tell us to search their forums for the answer’s to our question’s before we post it. Just in case. But countless times, and more often than not, you find the question and no answer. Where people have asked for help and no one has bothered to say a single word.

Not even an “I don’t know how to help you, but have a look here”

Pretty pathetic.

I don’t know if something got said. But a few weeks ago I was searching for the answers to some questions and every single post I found regarding the question was unanswered. Not only was I getting frustrated but the people who had searched those same questions before me had shown their disgust in a very verbal and abusive kind of way.

So I was really happy six days ago when I put up a post asking a question and within the hour I was getting that help.

It took almost 5 days to do it. Through back and forth posting. Forty posts of my questions and his answers. It was just…wow.

So I’d like to say a big thank you to Tugbucket for his never ending help and patience with my newby mistakes and constant pestering for answers. Just in case you haven’t noticed already, he helped me to set up the Photo Album page up top. It involved a lot of code, that might have well been in Chinese to me.

So Alan, thank you very very very much for your help.

2008 – 2009

January 2009

I am pretty sure I just got baited. By Tim.

The story goes a little like this. We’d just left the Chiropractor’s, where we had met. Me in the car and Tim on his bike.

I’d noticed as I left home that the rear tyre was getting a little flat and on our way out I mentioned it to Tim. Who tell’s me he’d noticed that in the morning.

So he casually tells me that he’ll do it later that day. And I casually mention that that is fine, as long as he DOES it.

Then, I make the mistake of saying “Should I go and do it now?”

Well! Tim says, it’s really hard. It’s really fiddly so you really should let me do it. But if you like, you can try. But it’s really hard you know.

So I tell him, I think I’ve just been baited. I’ve just been given the “you’re a girl and this really is a man’s job” so that I will in fact….go and do it, just to prove to him that anything he can do I can do better.

I did the tyre’s and when I got home later than expected Tim seemed really shocked that I had done it. Because, after all…he would have done it.

I’ve been slowly working on these pages.

It’s taken me a while and there is still some time to go.

In typical Boo fashion, what might have been best said in 500 words, was stretched out to a few more than that.

But whose counting huh? If you haven’t got the time (or you just don’t care) well…hmph. Most of you have probably come to love me for it. And if you haven’t…then hmph!

Also keep checking back, since now Tim’s been given free reign he tell’s me he’ll be posting when we least expect it. This apparently includes those pages.

As you can see I’ve just spent a bit of time changing the way things look around here. I’m really happy with how it all turned out.

I hope you are too.

One of the changes I’ve made that you will not know about is, I’ve added Tim to the list of people who can post here.

So now he can’t complain when I write about him.

He can just seek out his revenge here.

Tim…

“bring it”

A lot of my fellow blogger’s run blogs that their husbands (and or significant other’s) are totally unaware of. Other’s have husbands that know about the blogging world but don’t really care much for it. Those people can really write what they like and don’t need to worry about it.

None of that here. Tim is 100% involved with my blog. And if he’s not involved on a technical level (babe, I can’t figure this out)…then we could at least call him my proof reader. Once I’ve written up a post it always goes across to him for his opinion. And if he smile’s while he’s reading a story about something that he himself lived, then I know I’ve written it well.

There was a time when Tim was nothing but my moderator. He’d do something stupid or funny and I would threaten to put it here. I’d tell him it was “blog worthy” and tell him how I was going to spin it all on here.

Like the time I was in the shower and heard desperate cries from Tim and Jaxon because Dude had brought in a bird.

A BIRD WAS INSIDE!

Like, OMG! A BIRD! Boo, come here and get it OUT OF HERE!!! (insert girly screams here)

He didn’t want that to be put here. So I didn’t put it here. Or did I?

: )

But I know the times are changing. Because now more often than not I hear those words from Tim.

“Blog Worthy”

I’m sure that next time Dude brings a bird in, or there’s a spider in the bathroom…or he hit’s his head on something really stupid (like last night) and has a HUGE egg on top…he’ll probably tell me it can’t go on. Thats when he threatens that he’ll start up his own blog. He says he’ll call it “DebunkingBoo”

For now I feel pretty safe, that DebunkingBoo will never come to be. I’ve offered to have him as a blogger here on this site to give his version of events (like the day we nearly died) and he’s never done it so the chances of that happening really are quite low.

Until he does that, everyone here should know…Tim is the man behind the Blog

(and you’ll get to hear all about the things he tell’s me not to put here sooner or later, wink wink)

I have a very good friend who for a few years now has been telling me all about her lack of privacy when she goes to the toilet. It’s not that she doesn’t have a toilet door. It’s that she has kids.

So for a while now Jaxon’s been joining me in the loo. It’s been good. Really. Or sort of ok. Well, just ok. I only have one child so maybe it’s that. My friend has three, and I imagine having three kids in the loo with you while you twiddle your thumbs is a bit much.

So far he’s got down on the ground and looked between my legs to see all the action. He’s pulled my pants out and had a good look (where’s the super-absorbent padding Mum? The microfibers?) He’s wandered in behind me and flushed the toilet while I’ve been sitting there. He’s pulled the toilet paper off the wall, and he’s slammed the lid down on my ass as I sat there. It’s all good. I can cope with that.

All of this I could sort of just look past. It was cute. Sort of.  What on earth is my friend complaining about?

But today, when  he came dashing around the corner and spotted me on the loo and immediately started yelling out “Go! Go! Go! Go!” I was a little freaked out.

A wet ass I can cope with…but being cheered on from the side lines?

Hmm.

Every year I, along with million’s of other people around the world, make a new years resolution to lose weight.

And I’m sure that each and every year I am not alone when I don’t do jack shit during the year to actually achieve that goal.

So this years new years resolutions will be very different for me.

Instead of giving myself the huge task of losing weight, I give myself an even bigger task.

I need to just concentrate on me being happy.

I need to make the effort to do my hair and put on make up and GET DRESSED every single day.

I need to get out and get a life aside from Tim and Jaxon and our home.

This year, I need to work on waking up happy. I know I am “happy”, but I mean in a non depressed kind of way. I’ve been struggling with depression off but mostly on for the last 15 years. It’s almost just a way of life for me and I need that to stop.

This year, I stop putting myself down.

This year I accept that people love me and that I mean a lot to them.

This year I accept that I am a good mother, a good wife and a good person to know.

I think if I can be happy on the inside the weight thing will sort itself out. And if it doesn’t just fall off me (like I would like it to do) then at least I will feel good enough on the inside to CARE what the outside looks like. At least I’ll feel good enough to make the effort.

So this year my resolutions are to look after myself. To be comfortable in my own skin and be happy with who I am to the people around me. To do the things I love. To live in the moment and accept that the past was hard but it has made me stronger. To forgive myself for not loving Jaxon right away. To forgive myself for the things that I hang over my own head all the time.

This year, I focus on growing on the inside. Rather than shrinking on the outside.

(Boo, pushing past Daddy to the bathroom)

“excuse me Daddy”

“what ya doing?”

“washing my hands”

“Why?”

“Frog peed on me”

I know, that must seem incredibly rude. Except that I’m not talking to you…or Tim, or Jaxon or even Dude or Mexxi. I’m talking to myself.

It happens every Christmas, and every single time it’s Tim’s birthday. Which it will be tomorrow (the 3rd of January)

I used to think that it was me. That I just couldn’t keep a secret to save my life. But it’s not. It’s Tim. He’s some sort of freaky assed mind reader. Because every time I say “I got you something” you can almost bet your life on the next words coming out of his mouth being “you got me a (insert the gift I just got him here)”

So today I should have just shut my mouth and not said anything. But I was feeling a bit guilty that I’d spent a bit more money than we could afford on him. So all I said was “I spent a little too much” When he asked what a little too much was, I told him an approximate value. And right away…he said “four books”

Now he’s right. I got him the entire Twilight series of books. The girls on the boards have been raving about them for months and we did want them. But it’s not like I planned on getting them for him. It was an absolute last minute choice because I couldn’t find the book he really DID want. And then I couldn’t figure out which was the first book in the series so thought, what the hey…we’ll get them all.

Last year I’d got photo’s of Jaxon done while Tim was at work. The photographer had left the shopping center two weeks before I casually said to him “I got something for you” and he immediately said “Photo’s of Jaxon”

Three years ago for Christmas I got him a book. I put it in a bigger box than it needed and wrapped it with news paper and then Christmas paper one hundred times and PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE! But the minute he saw it he told me the name and author of the book.

I thought for a while that it was just our incredible bond. That we’re so in tuned with each other that no amount of trickery could fool us. But he fools me ALL the time. Especially when he tells me that what he got me is at the engraver’s being engraved. So I thought it was probably a bit of jewelry. So imagine my surprise on Christmas day when I unwrapped an engraved…fish tank!?

Well. There goes that theory.  Next time I’ll just have to remember to keep my damn mouth shut! Because I could get him a back scratcher in the shape of a three legged dog and he would know exactly what it was before he even unwrapped it.

On Saturday morning Tim, Jaxon and I went to a local forrest to get some happy snaps with the new Nikon. We didn’t plan it all that well and about an hour in Jaxon decided that he was hungry for more than the snacks that I had packed him so we headed home with plans to go to a different “rain forresty” kind of place the next day.

But when we woke up on Sunday morning it was raining. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was that we couldn’t go on our bush walk. It wasn’t the rain stopping us, but the new camera in the rain stopping us. We don’t have wet gear. We don’t even own raincoats because it rains here over summer so you dry as quick as you get wet.

So this morning when I couldn’t sleep at 4 am I had planned on getting Jaxon up and going for a drive to get some sun rise shots somewhere. But because it had rained the day before and it’s still hot as hell here, the fog was so thick you could barely see three feet in front of you.

I thought about it for an hour or two. On some of our morning drives to Brisbane the fog lifting through the hill’s with the sunrise has been one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. But it really didn’t look like we were going to get a sunrise with the fog, because it was overcast. So we stayed home today.

But come this afternoon I wanted to get out and take photo’s. Of anything. It just so happened a storm was rolling in and we have some of the most awesome storm’s on the planet here.

That could be an exaggeration, but they’re still worth a look in.

I went for a drive out to the towns look-out. Which was closed.

That’s probably a good thing since it’s a metal tower and there was lightening about. I wasn’t alone there. Some other guy was there with his own camera, standing on top of his car doing exactly what I was trying to do. Get storm shots.

It was hot and muggy and I was sweating my ass off. Standing there taking photo’s, I heard the storm rumble in up the street.It was like a steam train thundering by.

One second I was hot and bothered and the next the wind that hit me was freezing cold and the wind was knocking me over. I jumped back in the car and started home, while the other guy stayed right where he was for the mother load of photo’s.

This is the first video I’ve taken with the d90. (I tell big lies, it’s the 3rd, but the other’s didn’t work and weren’t as cool as this one) This is completely unedited.

In all honesty though, I’ve been feeling a little guilty this year that I haven’t managed to get a single Christmas card out. Not a single one.

I bought them with good intention’s way back in October. You should see them, oh wait…that’s what this post is all about. Well, trust me, they’re really cute. With puppy’s wearing Santa hats. Maybe next year.

It’s not that I haven’t been thinking about you. I really have. It is that time of year after all. But we’ve been really busy and Christmas just kept sneaking up on me. Now it’s the 23rd of December and it’s way too late so I just wont bother.

I hope everyone has a lovely Christmas!

For the past 4 months now I’ve wanted a new camera. Not just any old camera, but a NIKON D90.

That’s a $2000 camera. It’s a Digital SLR camera, and despite the fact that it just broke our bank, it’s a low end DSLR camera.

I’ve sold countless household goods to get the money to get my camera for Christmas. We’ve sold the old TV and the old pool. We’ve sold the bassinet and the old water bed and all sorts of small things that I couldn’t even begin to list them for you.

Tim was beginning to wonder if he didn’t have a “for sale” sign on his back and if he wouldn’t be safer if he hand cuffed himself to the bed so I couldn’t hand him over to his new owner’s while he slept.

Today we went Christmas shopping and got my camera (and a new couch!).There is a HUGE problem with it though. The battery, takes three hours to charge.

So the camera is like this brick sitting on my computer desk that I can look at but can’t really use. I can’t play with it until the battery is ready.

It’s sitting here looking at me, teasing me. Taunting me. I’ve found myself cleaning obsessively. I was so determined not to think about it sitting there on the desk that I nearly scrubbed a hole through the kitchen benches. I’ve lost my husband. He went for a ride to get away from the madness. This blog entry has only taken up five minutes and 22 seconds of my time. I was hoping for more.

Aside from waiting for Jaxon to be born, and of course his MRI and CT date…this might be the longest wait I’ve had to endure for a very long time!

You guys are lucky! Two blog entries in one day. Well it’s some ridiculous time of the day, like 12.49am on Saturday morning so really it’s not. I’m still up because my in-laws are slaving me away in the kitchen for our early Christmas dinner. I kid you not!

No seriously, I was blog surfing. You know, just having a quick look here and there. You just never know where you’ll end up. But I happened to end up here and here it’s hilarious so you must go and have a look! Gotta love Johnny Depp!!

Then I must go to bed and try to get comfortable with an incredibly painful lower back (one which makes it almost impossible to walk, sit, stand or lay down for longer than five minutes)

Last week Tim managed to pop FOUR ribs out in his back at work. I took full advantage of the cripple in my home. I helped him to get in and out of cars (watch your finger’s), I walked as slow as he needed when we went out (need a wheel chair?) Here’s your dinner (would you like me to cut it up for you?) Are you ok? (there there, there there) and so on. You get the picture. I was milkin it!

He took it all on the chin, telling me to milk it while I could because he would never do that to me. This of course is a lie. If I could just find my rolodex of all such events I’d put them here. But I can’t so you’ll just have to trust me on this one. He’s just as capable of dishing it out when the shoe is on the other foot.

But Karma’s a bitch isn’t it? Because while he was unable to walk and pick things up, I picked up his slack. I did a little more than I should have and when my lower back started to nag at me I just kept on going. Because Tim being hurt for longer means Tim out of work for longer (not that he took ANY time of, stubborn bastard) but you get my point? We can’t afford for him to be off work.

Well guess what? The house hold suffers pretty badly when I’m out of action too. You see where I am going with this don’t you??

Tim has had to do three poo nappies in 24 hours. THREE!

I told you.

The house is falling apart!

In all honesty, he’s been great. Despite the crap I put on him for the last week. He has rubbed deep heat in, he has helped around the house and he has done a lot of the Jaxon stuff that I would normally be doing myself. Now to get him in the kitchen peeling tato’s and roasting roasts!?

Here’s a photo we got tonight out for dinner.

Isn’t he incredibly cute??? I made him you know!?

I don’t think I’ve ever put it here on the blog. But Tim’s parents have this annoying habit of just appearing on our door step unannounced.

I know this might not seem so annoying or unusual until you find out that Tim’s parent’s live either a 25 hour drive from us, or a 4 hour flight/three hour drive from us.

It’s not like they’re sitting at the dinner table after dinner and one of them says “hey, let’s go and see the kids tonight”

They literally have to plan these visits out. Poppy needs to get time off of work, Nanny needs to book flights and hire cars. All the while, keeping this HUGE secret from us.

The first time they did it was quite funny. I was working late and Tim and I had not had a smoke for four days. It was coming on a new record for us and I was feeling great about it. But when I walked through the door I could smell smoke and I went off at Tim because he’d given in.

Only to have Poppy and Nanny (who is a smoker) walk out of our bedroom.

Last year they just knocked on our back door. My first words? “Oh fuck me”

This time, last night, they knocked on the front door and I answered it, half naked.

Three weeks ago, while Tim and I returned from Brisbane after Jaxon’s appointment, I casually told Tim that my “in-law-radar” had spiked, and that he should ask them when they’re coming.

It’s not like they’ll tell us they’re coming. I just get him to ask in hope that they’ll slip up and make a mistake.

Poppy tell’s me that is the third time I’ve done it. The third time I’ve said to Tim “they’re on their way” and it’s been on the money.

I told him it’s a feeling I get. That the hair on the back of my neck starts dancing. Sometimes it’s just the weather reminds me of Melbourne and I think “they’re bringing the weather with them”

Sometimes, like this time, it was because I was missing them and needed that little bit of “home” just before a lonely Christmas.

I’m glad they’re here. Even though my first instinct was to tell them to buggar off and come back when the house was clean!

I’ve been looking for a swim vest that is suitable for Jaxon. The problem is there is only one supplier that really has what we need (as recommended by the physio as being best for his arm development)

So the vest’s that I’ve been looking at come in small, medium and large. Small caters for 15-25 kilo’s. Medium also happens to cater for 15-25 kilo’s. Then large caters for 25 to 50 kilo’s.

At 22 months of age, Jaxon weighs 8.6 kilo’s (18.5′ish pound)

He’s going to be 20 years old and a capable swimmer before he can fit in to any of those!!!

Tim: This toy is for ages three years and under, it’s inappropriate for Jaxon.

Me: Darling, you and I are probably inappropriate for ages three and under. Whats your point?

Tim: Jaxon! Look what Mummy and Daddy got you!

I just remembered that I hadn’t put Jaxon’s MRI and Cat Scan results here yet. I don’t know if I can go through and write it all again, since I told the girls on the boards the day we found out. So I’m just going to copy and paste it all here with a couple of modifications.

1) They are NOT going to do anything and they don’t think they will ever be able to do anything. No surgery.

2) That means that Jaxon will always have his head on an angle like that.

3) The arm is not nerve damage from pinched nerves in the neck. It IS a brachial plexus as they first said. It happened during the c-section and is quite common with breech births. He may never have full movement in that arm but the good thing is he wont know any different.

4) He doesn’t HAVE a deltoid muscle. Or he does, but it’s almost dead and gone due to non use. That’s the one that runs over your shoulder and down the back of his right arm.

5) All of the bones in his right shoulder are under developed. We could see huge gaps on that side because they’re basically shrunk. I actually thought he was missing his clavicle it is that small, it is a LOT smaller than his left one. If we don’t keep up with encouraging him to use that arm the other muscles will shrink or die too. But the deltoid is a bit of a lost cause.

He may never have full function in his arm either. He can’t lift it above his head and he can’t hold his hand out to take something (palm facing up) but we know now so we can work around it to help it. Also thinking now that we know it’s a brachial plexus I will call the chiro and see what he thinks and if he could see him now he knows exactly what is in there. Maybe they can help because they did last time.

Now to what’s actually IN his neck. Get this. He’s meant to have 7 bones in his neck.

He has 12 or more bone’s in his neck.

Its just TOO hard to see and count them. Even with the every 2mm body shots you just couldn’t count them all. It’s like a big puzzle in there. They look like pebbles spread through out his neck and they bulge in the center as well. Like a boab tree does. Seriously, it looked like a really old style cobble stone road in there. None of them are connected, none of them are even slightly “vertebrae” shaped or the same size and shape. None of them are in line. Some are behind other’s, some are off to the side. Some are sitting right on top of another one. I can not describe to you what it looked like. I am going to have to find a picture that best describes it because they didn’t have a printer. Just imagine though that the 7 bones that a normal person has in their neck and then that in his neck they got shattered by blunt force and just scattered all over the place. The more I think about it the more amazing it seems to me that his neck actually has support, since there seems to be no solid structure from his back up to the base of his head.

Then, why did this happen. For a couple weeks I’ve been wondering if this was my fault. Something I did during pregnancy. Then Mum and Tim both managed to talk me out of thinking that. But when I asked the doctor “What caused this” he said “What were YOU doing in your seventh week?” (not what was your Husband/best friend/dog doing…what was *I* doing) So, week seven. Major cramping and a 2am ER visit. An ER visit where the nurse on duty called the doctor and they prescribed me with ibruprofin for the pain, even though they knew I was pregnant. The very next day I went to my regular doctor and SHE told me that I had to stop taking it immediately because it was bad for the babies development. Turns out she was right and I only ever took one of those tablets. We suspect that that was the cause although we have no proof. Our cat also died around that time too and Tim said I am more than welcome to blame it on one of his special two headed sperms.

His foot is PERFECT!! He has no signs of lapsing back. We still go back now whenever we’re in town, but Wendy was all thumbs up about his foot. She also told us that Jaxon’s neck case had made it in to medical journal’s and was sent to doctor’s all over the world because it’s like a 1 in a 50,000 occurrence. Very rare.

I guess now we just have to wait and see what school is like for Jaxon. Maybe he’ll get teased. Maybe he wont be able to participate in all school sports and that sort of thing, even though we think he’ll be academically minded.

Oh, nearly forgot. If they are going to do something, and that is almost impossible at this stage unless technology changes over night, it wont be until he’s stopped growing so we’re looking years and years down the track. By then, maybe Jaxon can decide if he’s ok about it the way it is and we wont even bother. We do go back every six months to be monitored for a year and then probably once a year until they decide it’s time to decide. But now we really don’t need to worry at all!!

Overall, we’re very happy with today’s results. Regardless of the number of bones he has. We’ll tell Jaxon he’s above average with more bones than the “average human” he he

That’s what I wrote for my girls. And I’d like to share what one of their replies was.

Boo- I only read your original post and shot up here to reply… but I will go back and read everyone’s comments in a sec. I just had to jump ahead of myself and tell you how HAPPY I am for YOU. Maybe that sounds weird, but let me clarify.

This is NOT the same Boo I met on these boards. You’ve been through so many trials and roller coaster emotions- through pregnancy, c-section, doctors, crying, being gone for a spell, etc. I just want you to know how proud of you I am. The Boo who posted today is so optimistic and so proud of her PERFECTLY created son. You have grown so much as a mother and I am blessed to have seen you transform into this beautiful wonderful person who any little boy would be blessed to have the honor of calling you Mum. Jaxon is an amazing little man with an amazing momma!

I’m so elated you got answers and that they are all manageable issues you are now prepared to deal with.

Muuuahhh!!!

Thank you Angela.

Last year, at about this time, Tim and I took Jaxon to see Santa in our local shopping center. We did everything the photographer told us to do. We walked in with Jaxon facing backwards and gently placed Jaxon in Santa’s lap.

Everything was going fine for all of 2.5 seconds, when, ever so slightly, Santa shifted his foot and Jaxon saw it. That was the moment when Jaxon figured out that this wasn’t just a big fat ass teddy bear we were placing him with. This was some kind of monster we were going to feed him to.

I thought maybe this year would be better. A year has gone by, Jaxon is older and much more mature (cough cough) and I would really like a photo of him on Santa’s lap for all of his grandparents.

Today we returned. I didn’t get two feet from Santa before Jaxon clung to my neck and waist like I was about to throw him to the lions. He screamed in my ear and no lolly pop from Santa was going to fool him.

So maybe next year will be “third times a charm”? I can only hope, I am so envious of all the girls on the boards with smiley happy babies, um, toddler’s, on Santa’s lap.