Christmas 2012
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Category Archives: Milestones
Jaxon’s First Public Appearance!!
You know, Jaxon’s been having a hard time dealing with school emotionally. We think he has a hard time being away from me and Dexter during the day and when he gets tired he gets very emotional about everything. He’s scared he’ll do something wrong and he gets upset when he doesn’t know how to do something and wont ask for help. He holds it all inside until BANG…it comes out in one big burst of emotions.
That’s unfortunately, exactly like me. Down to the letter I was like him. I cried for the first 6 weeks of school when Mum left and I put little or big (as Mum would say, pfft!) brick walls up when I was scared of trying and I wouldn’t even try. BUT. I was incredibly confident otherwise.
This little video shows just how much like me Jaxon is. I was the kid volunteering to speak in front of huge crowds. And I was really good at it too! I did speeches for the school when important people came to visit and I was always the “president” of the SRC every year until year 12. I was highly involved with things like that.
In talks with various people from the school, we’ve come to the conclusion that Jaxon (and I) is a perfectionist. He doesn’t like it if he doesn’t know how to do things. He feels silly when he see’s that other people know how to do things better and though having more practice would seem like a logical step towards getting things right or better, it’s easier NOT to do them and NOT get seen learning and failing when all you want is to get it right and be good at it RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND.
So here’s the video of his little speech. I am so very proud of him and hope he keeps his confidence up to do things like this for years to come. Public speaking really is a hard thing to do but it always came very naturally to me and I hope it does for Jaxon too.
I’d just like to note, before you watch the video, that in practice the kids that got to speak were asked to think of two things to say about their hats. In practice, Jaxon only said two things about his hat. But when he got on that microphone he didn’t want to stop!
I was a little worried that when his teacher Miss Jodie asked him “How did you make your hat” that he would say “My Mum made my hat” 
That dreaded day…
Jaxon said it. He actually said it!!! He said…nope. I can’t even begin to say it!
OK. You twisted my arm. He said…
I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE MUMMY!
All because I wouldn’t let him out side while Daddy was using the angle grinder!
He was sitting on the couch bitching about it and said IT so I kept walking and said “Fine, stay there until you do” Needless to say it only took about three mintues for him to change his mind about me but I gave him an hour of guilt over the hurt he made me feel and he got put to bed right after dinner.
The next day, Valintines Day, he gave me a big red heart that had “I love you Mummy” on it.
He’s growing up so quickly. Not two days later he’s added to his artilery, “if you don’t I’ll go and live somewhere else. Somewhere far far away”
First Day of School
The bottom photo was the morning of his first day.
Well, Jaxon’s first day of Prep has come and gone. It seems to have been a success. Nothing much has changed from kinder though. He still has this memory loss where he forgets what he does each day and continues to tell us that he did “nothing” all day.
I sent him in with a jam roll, a tub of yogurt, rice crackers, an LCM bar and an apple juice. Well. The little shit comes home and tell’s me that we’re not allowed to take yogurt to school. Ms. Jodie, his teacher told him so. I was dissapointed, and a little puzzled at first, because Jaxon loves yogurt and I thought it was a nice healthy thing to send him with.
Then, as the night progressed I started thinking that maybe it was because the yogurt might go off in his lunch bag. Or maybe, it’s too messy to be had at school. I felt the fool. What a stupid mother I am to not think of these things when getting his lunch ready.
But soon after that we started cluing in that he may in fact be telling porky’s. It became pretty obvious when he tried to tell us that we weren’t allowed to send him in with sandwiches or fruit either, that we were ONLY allowed to send him in with chocolate and cake. Hmmmmm.
Also, after his first day, on our drive home he told us that he would be alright to walk himself to school from now on. He knows how, and can do it all alone. Never mind that his school is about 4 km’s away and that he would have countless roads and parks to cross!!
His second day seemed to have been more productive. Ms Jodie tell’s me that it’s prefectly fine to send him with yogurt if I want. He showed us that he can play hopscotch and…he learned the word “doodle”. In context, “I’m going to change in the lounge room so Dexter doesn’t bite my doodle off”
My little boy is growing up
Primary School!!
Jaxon had his first day of Primary School Orientation today! I don’t know who was more excited…me or him.
I tell you who wasn’t so excited?? The mother of that little girl standing with Jaxon and holding his hand.
Her name is Maddy and they are friends from Kinder as well. So when Jaxon spotted her, he immediately went and grabbed her by the hand and whisked her away to their “yellow” group.
In the mean time, her mother is sitting there all flustered and wanting to cry because her little girl just ran off with a strange little boy and forgot to say good bye to her!
I thought she was going to stampede through a group of 4.5 year old’s in the line to get there in time for a hug.
Introducing…
Roary, the Racing Bird…
Believe it or not….Jaxon HATES birds! But he was the one who asked us to get one for him after watching RIO. At first he jumped each time Roary moved about the cage. And every time he cheeped Jaxon’s jaw would drop as if to say “Holy Shit!”
But now he sits by him in the mornings and draws pictures for him. Now he asks him questions as if he might reply.
We’re slowly taming Roary behind Jaxon’s back. Jaxon wants for him to come out and play with us but I don’t think he’s really ready for a flying bird in the house yet.
A day of firsts…
Tim and I have been having the toilet training talk with Jaxon for quite some time now.
It started almost 1.5 years ago when over summer, we left Jaxon in undies.
But we think the issue with that was he HAD AN ACCIDENT and he really REALLY didn’t like it.
So for the past few months we’ve been bringing it up on and off with him with absolutely NO success at all.
Until today. While I was cooking and Jaxon was doing his own thing I happened to sneak a peak at him in his bedroom. There, I found him walking around with a potty on his head. I’m sure we’ve all been busted doing that at some point in our lives right??
Then, about half an hour later I saw him run from his bedroom to the bathroom with no nappy on. And then…HE PUT UNDIES ON!
This is HUGE!
Seriously, if I’d told Jaxon three weeks ago we were done with nappies and all he could wear was undies he would have been clinging on to my feet as I tried to ignore him screaming the house down “NEEEEED NAAAAAAAPPPPPY!!!”
So for the rest of the evening Jaxon wore undies. And nothing else.
But then came dinner time. Yet another thing we’ve been discussing with Jaxon for some time now.
The issue is, he doesn’t want to eat. And for a while we would say to him “You eat your dinner, or you GO TO BED!”
And the evil little genius that he is, would get up and go to bed. Don’t laugh. He has also been known to throw his OWN toys in the bin if we threaten that we will throw them out if he doesn’t pick them up and look after them.
Tonight we figured, since he doesn’t seem to mind getting told to go to bed, then we would force him to stay at the table.
He told us “Can’t eat dinner. Too tired” and we ignored him time after time.
This is how our new direction went tonight.
This is the first time Jaxon has ever fallen asleep at the table. I don’t think he even slept on the boob for those few short weeks we got to breast feed.
(side note: I wasn’t going to put that last photo up, given the position of his hand. But then, I just got all proud of him for doing it with his right hand So it stays, as a milestone post )
On this day…
Ever wondered what your kids dream about when they’re 2 years and 7 months old??
Well wonder no more. I have the answer.
At 2.38am this morning I was woken by the traumatized cries of my little boy.
When I got to his room he was patting his pillow repeatedly, crying “bee-eeeee, beeee-eeeeeeeee)
For those of you who need translation, my son dreams about biscuits. He wouldn’t settle down until I turned his pillow over and he could no longer see Wall-E.
New Duck Order (NDO)
It’s been very quiet around here, on the blog. But that’s not to say things haven’t been interesting to say the least.
The most important thing that’s happened recently is the rejection and introduction of new and old Ducky.
Yes peoples, Ducky 1.0 has been shafted…for a newer, fresher smelling Ducky. With an intact bum tag.
Ducky 2.0.
It all happened so suddenly. Dookie took old Ducky in to the back yard. He often does this if we’re not all on the look out. But this day, Jaxon didn’t really bother looking for him. Instead, he went in to his bed, where Ducky 2.0 and Ducky 3.0 have been patiently waiting since their arrival back in November last year…and brought them both out to me.
I asked him to choose a new Ducky. So he did. And that’s that.
We washed old Ducky and he’s now safely in storage where he can be easily fetched if Ducky 2.0 fail’s us in the “comfort me to sleep” department. But it’s been a week and we doubt Jaxon even remembers there was an old Ducky.
Um, Thanks…Dookie
Dookie was kind enough to HELP me take the washing off the line today.
I rewarded him generously.
Real Man in the making!
Maybe Jaxon will be old enough when he finally gets to reading this far back, that his friends wont get to see it!!
What you don’t see (with my editing skills) is the camera shaking uncontrollably with my laughter, and Daddy in the back yard yelling “Training him early?”
Two Years On!
Two years ago…this happened…
(24th January 2007
8.27am,
2.86 kilo’s,
42 cm’s long)
And two years on…this! Jaxon is TWO FREAKIN YEARS OLD!!
He had a busy busy day!
He opened presents…
He played golf with his Nanny and Daddy…
He got creative…
And too darned cute!!
He waited for 18 minutes at home (locked out) while Mummy and Daddy had a quickie in the back seat up the road (Nanny and Poppy have the car seat!)
No really…they didn’t. But they did have some fun in the car on the way home…
He showed us his keen sense of fashion…what a statement young man! (note the dummy is what holds the sunnies up!)
He witnessed the most spectacular sunset with his Mum and Nanny…
His Poppy said something rude to Mummy and hid behind Daddy…scaredy cat!
He went to the park…
He had ice cream cake…I told you I wouldn’t bother after last years attempt!
And he was outside in yet another electrical storm! What fun!
You can see THOSE photo’s in an upcoming photo album post!
And finally…he went to sleep!
Though we are yet to weigh him, Jaxon was 84cm tall today. Just for the “double their 2 yr height†record.
In this past year he has learnt to crawl, with boots on.
And without boots on.
And walk with boots on.
And without boots on.
And ride a bike.
He grew 17 new teeth in the space of three months.
He got his first smack last night.
For dropping a truck on Mexxi’s head.
Jaxon’s words…Hi, bye, Mum, Dad, Jaxon (lol Jargon or Jar-hon) cat, Oh Dude, SHIT, ah yeah, thank you (ta), please (eeese), “go go go goâ€, good, motor bike (bay a bay)…so many more and I can’t think of them!
The Results
We just got sent the disc with all of Jaxon’s MRI and CT scan’s on them. I’ve spent hours and hours sorting through them (401 images) so that they’re in order so you had better watch it and you had better like it!!
A lot of people are saying that they don’t really know what they’re looking at. The reality is that Tim and I don’t really know what we’re looking at but we do know what we’re meant to be looking at. I’ll try to explain it with still shots of what you’re looking at.
These one’s here are the MRI. They have taken a body shot of Jaxon every 2mm’s from his back right to his front. Through these one’s you get to see his lungs, his brain, his muscles and most of his organs.
Through these one’s they have taken a body slice shot from his head right down to his waist every 2mm. You get to see through his head and then in to his neck. The circle on the bottom is through the center of his spine. There are two categories here, the other has the white line along the bottom. On those one’s I assume that they’re looking at the nerves running through the spine to see where and how Jaxon’s arm is damaged and if the neck is in danger of pinching nerves or paralyzing him. You see as they move down through his chest where you see his lungs which are black with white veins running through them. Another thing that was noted the other day was that his right lung is much smaller than his left, you can clearly see his lungs in these. You see the kidney’s and if you’re clued in on them you see his intestines.
These one’s here is Jaxon being built from his left side to his right side. You see it starts at his arm where you only get to see his shoulder. Then it moves through his arm and in to his chest. In the shot above you can see his lungs and the start of the bone structure of his spine.
These one’s are the CT scan. They show bones and cartilage. I think everyone gets these. These show why Jaxon’s neck is on an angle and also why nothing can really be done about it. When it comes down to it these is just one mass of bone that it is one way or another connected to another.
This one here shows clearly how his right side is underdeveloped. I think it’s his shoulder bone, that you can see is much smaller and shorter on one said than it is on the other.
There are also two lot’s of photo’s where a white halo is moving away or in to the photo. If you look closely, you’ll see that it’s the oxygen tube down his throat having it’s photo taken. Or, Jaxon was blowing bubbles.
25th of Movember
I have been trying to write about this for a while but it’s sort of just become a non issue now that the day has been and gone. So I’ll just write about it quickly. I think I can do that!?
We stayed in a hotel because we had a 7am check in with a 7 hour fast. We thought it would be better but we were very very wrong. We really should have known because Jaxon wont sleep anywhere but his cot. So that’s exactly what he did. Or didn’t do. He finally gave up the ghost at 2am. The hotel was hot and it was a raining muggy night with air conditioning that barely worked. So we had a window open and at 3.30am a very loud and obnoxious bird woke Jaxon up again. That was the end of any hope of sleep we had. We left for the hospital early and decided to kill some time in peak hour traffic. Joy.
I can not praise the hospital enough for the day that we had. We really thought it was going to be awful for Jaxon but they had a great big play room with ride in cars and home corner’s and play stations. For the 20 minutes that we waited Jaxon test drove each and every one of the 7 little cars they had.
For me I think the worst thing was having to sign a form that said “I “the parent” am aware of all of the risks involved with this procedure” You know, like your child might die in the next two hours because of what we’re doing but since you signed this form, we got our asses covered. I’ve had to sign that same form I think 6 times now. It’s just a form, but it’s not just a form if you know what I mean?
The nurses were wonderful. But I don’t think either of them appreciated that when asked if Jaxon had any metal objects on his clothes that we both said “no, but we need to remove his penis ring” They just didn’t get it. But we just had to be making light of it all really or we would have gone mad!
Then came the hardest bit. I had to accompany Jaxon in to the MRI machine. We laid him down on the HUGE adult sized table with his head on a big plastic O ring and they put a teeny tiny gas mask over his mouth. Man. He was screaming at me and pleading with me. Mum, you’re meant to keep me safe is the look in a child’s eyes when something like that is being forced upon them. And he’s right. And that’s all I wanted to do. But the logical section of my brain made me hold his arms and legs down so he couldn’t rip the mask off. The logical part of my brain said it had to be done. Even though deep inside all I wanted to do was grab Jaxon and run. His eyes glazed over and his screams turned in to murmur’s as his eyes (intently looking to me for help) glazed over. Then he went limp and his eyes closed.
Have you ever put a dog to sleep?? That’s what kept running through my head as I left my silent son laying on a table with people who had made me sign his life away to them.That is the best way to describe to you what it’s like to “put your son to sleep” Even when I left the room and saw my Mum and Tim sitting there, the sympathy in their eyes for me having to do that was exactly the same as if I had just left the room at the vets without my long time family pet.
I stayed cool, calm and collected for all of two seconds once I’d left the room. I fell to pieces in Tims arms. I thought I had it all under control right up until I saw Tim and then I lost it. Nothing a bottle of coke and a great big chunk of vanilla slice wont fix.
The wait was 2.5 hours but it didn’t really seem that long. I think the hardest thing about all of this has been the actual wait. Once it was all starting to happen and once we knew we were one step closer to finding out some real answer’s (which we got today, will post later) we just felt relief.
So they came and got us and took us to the recovery room. Jaxon was snug as a bug in a rug laying on a bed with his little heart monitor going. He was still out like a light and looked ever so precious and fragile so the nurses spoke to us for a little. One was a student nurse and she was getting told (get this!) that I was a “darling mother” because she’d told me not to touch him or pick him up and I didn’t. A lot of mother’s just rush in and ignore what the nurses say even though they say it because doing that scares the child when they wake up.
When he finally woke up he snuggled in my arms, he drank 200 mil of milk (he normally has 20 mil, he was HUNGRY!) and a tub of pears and something else which has just totally slipped my mind (a bottle of apple juice). Let’s just say he ate like a normal 22 month old would eat on a normal day in a single sitting! Except that meant he ate four times what he would normally eat!
So we went home and Jaxon doesn’t remember a single thing. He’s never going to remember these things which is a real blessing. The fast was easy, but having him look in my eyes for me to protect him was really hard, because that’s exactly what mother’s do and thats exactly what I wanted to do. So I am very glad that in 10 years he wont know this happened. He doesn’t even know it happened now.
These photo’s are. 1 and 2 are him in the recovery room. That little red mask is the gas mask. And then the one in my arms is when he just woke up and I got to hold him. You can sort of see the blue bandage that is holding his drip in his arm. The nurse was kind of funny. She said to me when he woke up “If you’re strong enough you can cuddle him back to his room” and I was thinking “Lady, I could hold him for a week if I had to”
We got the results today so I will post them here tomorrow.
18 Month Stats
Since I started this blog when Jaxon was nearly a year old, I haven’t put up his other monthly stats. From now on I’ll be keeping you up to date with his major milestones, but for this post I’m including past number’s as well.
Birth
2.6 kilo (5 pound 12 ounces)
42.5cm’s
4 months 4.34 kilo
6 months 5.2 kilo’s
12 months 6.6 kilo’s
18 months
7.8 kilo’s (17 pound 3 ounces)
74.5cm’s
More Walking!
18 months
New words!
19 Months
This morning I was changing Jaxon’s nappy and sneezed. It was a little shock to hear him say “ba choo”
I’ll add that to the list of words he has said, but never said again.
(Random photo)
WALKING!
17 Months
This happened tonight. Jaxon is also standing up without holding on to anything. It wont be long now, until Mum and Dad can’t keep up (oh boy!)
It’s started…already!!!!
17 Months
The back talking that is…check this out.
Not even 17 months old and he’s already rebelling!
TEETH!!!
My boy is going UP in the world!
14 Months
I was sitting here changing the layout of my blog. Jaxon HAD been playing right behind me.
He started yelling out at me. All I could hear was “MA!! Ma ma muuum” “Ya ya YA!!”
Finally it clicked that I should probably go and see what he is doing, since it’s normally something to do with Dude.
But I got out in to the lounge room and there he is, sitting on the COUCH! Like a big boy.
All the yelling I think was him calling out to me to say “Mum Mum Mum LOOOOOOOK what I can do”
This is how he did it. It also shows how he got down!
UPDATE: We JUSt learnt he can get up without the box!
Happy Easter Mum and Dad!
14 Months
So it’s Easter Monday…but that doesn’t matter.
Jaxon gave us a pretty impressive present! This is today, his first steps…even if they are assisted!
THANKS MUM!!!
12 Months
That’s OK Jaxon! I mean I only spent the last TWO WEEKS planning this cake. Sweating over how to make it all come together perfectly…and YOU DON’T EVEN CARE!
That’s right people’s. I gave Jaxon his very first birthday cake. A very crappy looking cow as far as I am concerned (check out this link for what it SHOULD look like http://jas.familyfun.go.com/recipefinder/display?id=50115) and he didn’t even touch it! I even TRIED to slam his hands down in to it…but no. It’s messy Mum. No Mum, it feel’s funny on my hands. Next year, REALLY…NO CAKE FOR YOU!
“What the HELL is that!?! And more to the point, what do I do with IT?”
Jaxon’s Birth Story
On the 23rd of January I was really uncomfortable. We went shopping and did some things down town, and I was always feeling crampy. It was bearable at that stage but not nice. My need to pee also increased as the day went on. I went from half hour pee stops, to about every 3-10 minutes!! THAT was annoying. Tim shaved my pubes off and I knew I was going in the next day and wanted to look somewhat nice for my photo’s so I asked Nicole to blow dry my hair straight for me. That was at about 10pm that night (I should have been sleeping!) So I was sitting there and the pain’s kept coming on stronger and stronger, to the point where I couldn’t sit for more than 2 or 3 minutes. It was just period like cramping but it was really intense. So after about 15 toilet breaks and lots of wriggling on the seat Nic finally finished my hair.
At that point I decided I HAD to go to bed, but the pain was so bad I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep through it. I was beginning to wonder if this was not labor itself just 7 hours before my scheduled C-section. So I called the midwife at 11pm and asked if I could take pain killer’s to get to sleep, OR if I should just go in. She made me go in, and that certainly took our minds OFF the c-section for a while!
They hooked me up to the monitor and sure enough I was having contractions! OMG did that freak me out! I went from sitting on the bed to the toilet every couple of minutes. All I wanted to do was push but no poo was coming out…AND I gave myself a hemorrhoid! She left me there in pain for some time but then came back with some tablets to take, one of them being a temazepam (sleeping pill) and the other’s I don’t know. I stood up just after taking them; they were taking me to my room. I felt FINE for about two steps then said “I’m gonna chuck†AND DID! All over the floor. She said “I wonder if the tablet’s stayed down??†and I heaved even bigger the next time…NO they did not stay down! So I had to get taken to the room in a bloody wheel chair like a cripple and given the tablets again!
Whatever she gave me stopped the pain, and I had a nice hot shower. Tim had to leave at 2am. My first night EVER sleeping in a hospital, sleeping away from the love of my life. I was so worried he would sleep in and miss being back at the hospital by 6 am for the pre op stuff (since I am his alarm clock!) Or worse, sleep in for the actual op! At 5.50am I was down with the nurses asking if they would call him for me…but sure enough he walked out of the elevator cleanly shaven and smelling pretty for me!! YAY!
The BIG Event
So pre op started, they put the stockings on me, paper underwear and a surgical gown and cap. SEXY!! Tim asked the mid wife if she could leave us alone for ten minutes I looked so damned hot.
They wheeled me into pre theater at 6.30, and I had the IV put in. Not too bad, it just stung a bit. THEN I had to wait an hour for the doctor’s to show up!! That was the longest hour of our lives!!!
The doctor that did the IV also did the EPI, and might I say…if you’re having a c-section, or even just know you’ll have the epi and it’s scaring you…look away now, this isn’t pretty!! They had me sitting on the edge of the bed leaning over a pillow, and gave me the local anesthetic. Tim stood in front of me holding my hand. That didn’t hurt so much but when they started the epi, MAN did that hurt. It took a good 15-20 minutes and he had to try 4 different spots in my back before he finally got it to work. I was crying after the first attempt.
Tim was fantastic!!!! He held me close, and put his clean shaven soft cheek up to my cheek and whispered sweet nothings in my ear. Of course that didn’t help much, it still hurt like a b@stard and the tears kept coming. But I felt so close and loved by Tim. He told me that that was the hardest part for him too, knowing it HAD to be done and that he couldn’t just yell at the doctor to stop whatever he was doing and take me home. But he was so good, coz I didn’t know he was feeling that way. I can’t express enough how in love with Tim I felt through that experience. All I could think about was how soft his face was, and how nice he smelt and how wonderful it was to be loved by him. Through the pain, I still felt love, lots of it!
At one point the needle must have hit a nerve and my leg moved involuntarily and I screamed, I was in SO much pain it was awful. But soon after that happened it was all over and they asked Tim to help me lay down and get my legs up with the rest of the nursing staff. That’s where I started giggling. I couldn’t help them one little bit. My legs where dead but I could still feel them. It was like having pins and needles, or when your foot goes to sleep and all you can feel is the sensation of it being touched. I couldn’t stop laughing!!! Right up until I got the shiver’s!! Like when you’re really cold, my teeth were chattering and I couldn’t stop it and didn’t feel cold at all!
So they started. Tim sat by my head and held my free hand, making fun of me to take my mind off what was happening. Again, I couldn’t have gone through this without him by my side. I didn’t feel a single ounce of pain, but I could still feel that they were doing something. I don’t know any times of how long it took, but finally I heard a little cry (8.27am) and even though we knew we were having a boy, they said the words “congratulations, you have a baby boy†and very very quickly held him up high enough for me to see him over the curtain. All I saw was his big ball’s though! They were HUGE!!!!!
They did his obs on a table I could see, and I cried as they did it. I wanted him with me so bad but knew I had to wait. Tim and I sat there watching and I totally forgot that they now had to work on sewing me up. Tim kept whispering “Look what we made Mummy†and kissing my forehead. Again, another moment of pure love that made me cry even more! They put Jaxon on my chest for a couple minutes but he needed to be kept warm so they had to take him away. Tim went with them, I wanted him to.
Getting sewn up was the weirdest thing I will ever have to explain. I could feel them moving my skin, but it felt like it was up in the middle of my belly button. And as they were pulling the thread through I could feel the pulling on the skin, but it wasn’t painful. It was SO funny. I wasn’t laughing of course, but it was funny.
Tim came back in and sat with me for the last 10 or so minutes. At one point the doctor mumbled something and I didn’t hear it. Perhaps that’s what was meant to happen because I made the mistake of saying “I didn’t hear that†and so he stuck his head over the curtain and said “I’m just sticking some pain killer’s up your BUM†Gee thanks MISTER!! If ever there was a TMI that I really didn’t need to know, this was it!!!!
Once I was out in recovery they gave me my little boy. He is so precious. I was really not ready to be a Mum and wish I had some sort of time machine to bring back the pregnancy. Here is this little squirming thing that needs ME, that depends on ME…and I feel helpless!! The midwife put him on my boob for a drink and taught Tim the words “OoooM†and “Num Num†which he says now every time it’s time to go on the boob!! I swear we’ll be having sex for the first time and he’ll be saying them then too!
I kept saying to the midwife that JJ’s little feet were going blue, and they were. By the time she came to look he was going purple. He couldn’t keep himself warm which is when they put him under the heat (my profile pic was taken then, that’s obviously Tim’s hand!) They took him away for a bath, and 20 or so minutes later put me back in my room where Mum patiently waited for me.
The Stay
Because of the Gestational Diabetes’ and the fact that they said he was no further than 36 weeks when he was born, JJ couldn’t maintain his body heat and had to stay under the heat on my chest for a full day. I was boiling, but had to do it for him. The first midwife to give me a sponge bath was a MAN! He also happened to be the first one to help me with breast feeding. We didn’t think he was getting any milk so THE MAN midwife…HE milked my boobs! OUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCHHHHH!!!!! OMG I’d rather have my bum fu%ked by a horse!! Again, it needed to be done so JJ could eat. On the next shift JJ was in the nursery and the midwife came in and did the same thing because his blood sugar levels were crashing. At this point I gave permission to give him formula if that’s what they needed to do. They were not getting a lot out of my boobs to help in that department. By the way, it is TWO WEEKS past op and as far as I know, my milk still has not come in. I am never firm and never engorged like everyone says I should be!
From this point on his blood sugar levels were checked every 3 hours. Seven days of heal pricks…his little feet were black and blue. I can’t stress enough how critical it all felt from here on in. His blood sugar should have been above 2.6 but at times it was down to 1.4 and he was really crashing. These were very scary moments, and I was almost glad they had him in the nursery so I didn’t see their frantic moves to get him back to normal.
I hadn’t had morphine during the op so I got to have it for my first night in bed. It didn’t take away the pain but BOY, did it make me feel good! That first night trying to sleep was absolute hell. I couldn’t roll on to my sides; I never sleep flat on my back. I had the IV in AND the catheter in as well!! I kept telling everyone I should have had the catheter inserted at the beginning of the pregnancy! Twenty Four hours without a pee…absolute BLISS!!
The second day very early in the morning they took the IV and catheter out and forced me to get out of bed. OMG!!!! The horse WAS f^%king me six ways left of Sunday!!!!! I have never felt such intense pain as the pain of taking those steps towards the bathroom. The nurse helped me get undressed and popped me in the shower. Through the pain I was still p!ssed at her for having the shower on before I got out of bed…come on lady, water restrictions…global warming!
I got to have a 2 minute shower before I fainted, out like a light. And if there was any dignity left in my poor ol’ body it left the building when she said “Are you dry everywhere?†and I had to ask her to dry my a$$ crack AGAIN! So she dressed me and walked me out, Tim was waiting. I got to him and fainted again. I don’t remember much at all…the pain went away!
But once I was out of bed the pain slowly eased up. I sat in a chair instead of in bed, and I walked all the way to the nursery to see JJ…very VERY slowly! Now it only hurt to get in and out of bed, or to roll over. I still couldn’t lay on my sides in bed either.
They decided that they would try to bottle feed him formula. But one of the midwives said “Nipple Confusion! Nipple Confusion! (think “The sky is falling the sky is falling!), don’t do that…I KNOW, we’ll tube feed him†So they put a tube down his little nose right into his stomach. Then they decided that I would breast feed once (15 minutes each side), and tube feed him the next feed…yay holding a syringe above his little head as the formula went in…what fun bonding we had!
Breast feeding didn’t hurt me one little bit. It was totally frustrating though because he kept falling asleep on the boob. His blood sugar was so low he couldn’t stay awake and he NEVER ever woke up crying to say he was hungry. He just kept sleeping right on through the feeds. While we were there for 9 days, we heard him cry 3 times.
Towards the end of day two in hospital, baby blues kicked in. It was very frustrating to have a crying baby by the bed and not be able to get out and help him. This one time, I was really feeling inadequate because of this. I had to buzz the nurses who took their sweet time to get to me and JJ…to help me sort him out. At this point one of the nurses came in and sat with him and I lay in bed with the lights out crying. I couldn’t help it. I felt so helpless and here are these midwives and nurses who make it all seem so easy. Who make stopping a crying baby and calming them down seem so…natural! It was anything but easy or natural for me…when getting out of bed was something I had to learn to do all over again.
At about 10pm that night the night nurse started her shift. And here starts the longest night of my life!! Up until now, three shifts of midwives that I happened to like and trust had told me 15 minutes on each breast, and a top up with formula. This nurse, Liezel comes along and wakes me up and told me I am starving my baby and we are doing it all wrong. SHE is the expert, SHE has just finished her schooling and it is HER that should be listened to. After my night of crying, and being so tired and worried for Jaxon, I totally lost it at her crying. I kept saying “Why is it that ALL of the other nurses say one thing and you come here and say another?†and all sorts of things. I was SO confused. I couldn’t stop crying, and she kept putting him on the boob even though he was asleep and dropping off every 30 seconds. Even though we had established that he wasn’t getting anything from me. Through the tears I called Tim and told him if he didn’t come and deal with this b!tch…I was walking home! So he came in and the Nazi nurse kept us up until 5am trying to get us to see that SHE was right and that she was the breast feeding Goddess of the world. She kept trying to get us to watch a latching on video. Hello b!tch…he’s latching on just fine! He’s falling asleep…not latching wrong! I have MY technique down pat, he has his technique down pat…he just can’t stay awake!
Needless to say that nurse and I never got along. I will never forgive her for the hell she put us through every time she was on shift. JJ was on three hour feeds and she would FORCE us to breast feed him (even though he wasn’t getting ANYTHING from me since my milk wasn’t in) for 2.5 hours and then say “Right well you have half an hour to sleep, we need to feed in half an hour†LIKE HELL woman! Heck, I think I’ll write a complaint about her Nazi ways!
I was spoiled there because in a three bed bedroom I was all alone for 5 days. Tim could come and go as he pleased; visitor’s had the run of the room. I even walked around naked a bit! Seriously all of your dignity goes out the window when a male midwife gives you a sponge bath AND milk’s you like a cow IN FRONT of your husband and every member of staff…nurse, doctor or otherwise has seen your tits or worse, your twat!! Oh and let’s not forget the doctor shoving pain killer’s up you’re a$$!
So night five comes along and 2 other woman have their babies and join me. This was very stressful. And it was frustrating to watch them WALK to their beds just an hour after having their babies naturally. It was heart breaking to see them bonding with their babies, and changing their babies and feeding their babies the very next day and again I cried A LOT. For me I didn’t have a clue how to change a nappy because the nurses did it for me all the time. And when one of them finally said “I’ve left the nappy for you†I cried my eyes out because I had no clue! But I did make friends with both woman, and since we live in a small town our kids will grow up together. We took photo’s of all of them together…JJ (5 pound 15 ounces) looked tiny next to an 8 pounder and a 10 pounder! And one of them, Nicki is going to complain about Nazi Nurse as well…so that’s even better!!!!!
So tube feeding went on for another couple of nights. I was going stir crazy and got sent home between feeds during the day (the first time Maddy and Mexxi were SO happy to see me that I cried!) Then, a midwife that I had a really big fight with when I was working at the hospital came on shift and I was dreading my night even more than those with the Nazi nurse. But you know what…she was lovely. She said “It’s about time JJ came to the party and played ball†and she helped us to keep him awake. She forced him to breast feed every time he ate. And we weighed him before and after each feed to see how much he was getting from the boob. NOT MUCH at all!! He was meant to be getting 40 mil per feed but he was only getting 15 mil or so. So we HAD to formula feed to get him full and maintain his blood sugar.
The very last night we were there an OLD SCHOOL nurse came on. Tim thought we would hate her, but it was her that made us see that tube feeding was not the answer here. We told her how frustrated I was at being kept in there. That I felt like they would keep us in until JJ was toilet trained and that I just couldn’t bond with him if one) he had his face covered in this big ugly tape and tube, and two) I had to feed him by holding a syringe above his face, it wasn’t healthy for either of us…or Tim. So she taught us a few more keeping baby awake tricks, and said “Nipple confusion….pffffft what a loud of crap! Let’s just concentrate on getting him fed! Bottle feed him and you can go home!†But we did the weigh before and weigh after a breast feed, and with her keeping awake techniques and other things…he got his 40 mil quota!! Tim did the weigh and double checked, and checked again. I thought he was trying to figure it out…but he was double checking. I cried I was so happy!!!
So the next day, we told all of the nurses OUR plan. Screw what they had to say about tube feeding and blah blah, we ARE going home at 8pm tonight, we will express and feed if that’s what it takes. So we hired an electric pump and that’s what we’ve been doing ever since. It’s tiring but the good news is we had our first children’s health services visit last week and THEY figured out within two minutes of hearing our story and looking in JJ’s mouth that he is SEVERELY tongue tied! That’s why he’s not getting anything from me; he can’t bring his tongue up under the nipple to draw the milk down! I’m sort of p!ssed the midwives AND the doctor didn’t look at that. They seemed so content to just tube feed him for the rest of his life. Like how hard can it be to say “baby not feeding well…check list…is the baby tongue tied? Don’t blame the mother for doing it wrong or holding the baby wrong, or the baby for latching wrong…check for freaking tongue tie and fix the actual problem!!
SO that’s our VERY long story!! We came home and have played happy families ever since! Tomorrow (today) we fix the tongue tie, a very simple operation that will take less than two minutes. Then I should be able to take the machine back and breast feed like every other mother!
And before I go, a very special thank you to JeannetteKirk for her constant SMS/TEXT support through out my lonely nights! I cried every time Tim had to leave. We’ve never spent a single night apart and it was so hard watching him go. Without her support I would still be there battling now depression!
Jaxon's Birth Story
On the 23rd of January I was really uncomfortable. We went shopping and did some things down town, and I was always feeling crampy. It was bearable at that stage but not nice. My need to pee also increased as the day went on. I went from half hour pee stops, to about every 3-10 minutes!! THAT was annoying. Tim shaved my pubes off and I knew I was going in the next day and wanted to look somewhat nice for my photo’s so I asked Nicole to blow dry my hair straight for me. That was at about 10pm that night (I should have been sleeping!) So I was sitting there and the pain’s kept coming on stronger and stronger, to the point where I couldn’t sit for more than 2 or 3 minutes. It was just period like cramping but it was really intense. So after about 15 toilet breaks and lots of wriggling on the seat Nic finally finished my hair.
At that point I decided I HAD to go to bed, but the pain was so bad I thought I wouldn’t be able to sleep through it. I was beginning to wonder if this was not labor itself just 7 hours before my scheduled C-section. So I called the midwife at 11pm and asked if I could take pain killer’s to get to sleep, OR if I should just go in. She made me go in, and that certainly took our minds OFF the c-section for a while!
They hooked me up to the monitor and sure enough I was having contractions! OMG did that freak me out! I went from sitting on the bed to the toilet every couple of minutes. All I wanted to do was push but no poo was coming out…AND I gave myself a hemorrhoid! She left me there in pain for some time but then came back with some tablets to take, one of them being a temazepam (sleeping pill) and the other’s I don’t know. I stood up just after taking them; they were taking me to my room. I felt FINE for about two steps then said “I’m gonna chuck†AND DID! All over the floor. She said “I wonder if the tablet’s stayed down??†and I heaved even bigger the next time…NO they did not stay down! So I had to get taken to the room in a bloody wheel chair like a cripple and given the tablets again!
Whatever she gave me stopped the pain, and I had a nice hot shower. Tim had to leave at 2am. My first night EVER sleeping in a hospital, sleeping away from the love of my life. I was so worried he would sleep in and miss being back at the hospital by 6 am for the pre op stuff (since I am his alarm clock!) Or worse, sleep in for the actual op! At 5.50am I was down with the nurses asking if they would call him for me…but sure enough he walked out of the elevator cleanly shaven and smelling pretty for me!! YAY!
The BIG Event
So pre op started, they put the stockings on me, paper underwear and a surgical gown and cap. SEXY!! Tim asked the mid wife if she could leave us alone for ten minutes I looked so damned hot.
They wheeled me into pre theater at 6.30, and I had the IV put in. Not too bad, it just stung a bit. THEN I had to wait an hour for the doctor’s to show up!! That was the longest hour of our lives!!!
The doctor that did the IV also did the EPI, and might I say…if you’re having a c-section, or even just know you’ll have the epi and it’s scaring you…look away now, this isn’t pretty!! They had me sitting on the edge of the bed leaning over a pillow, and gave me the local anesthetic. Tim stood in front of me holding my hand. That didn’t hurt so much but when they started the epi, MAN did that hurt. It took a good 15-20 minutes and he had to try 4 different spots in my back before he finally got it to work. I was crying after the first attempt.
Tim was fantastic!!!! He held me close, and put his clean shaven soft cheek up to my cheek and whispered sweet nothings in my ear. Of course that didn’t help much, it still hurt like a b@stard and the tears kept coming. But I felt so close and loved by Tim. He told me that that was the hardest part for him too, knowing it HAD to be done and that he couldn’t just yell at the doctor to stop whatever he was doing and take me home. But he was so good, coz I didn’t know he was feeling that way. I can’t express enough how in love with Tim I felt through that experience. All I could think about was how soft his face was, and how nice he smelt and how wonderful it was to be loved by him. Through the pain, I still felt love, lots of it!
At one point the needle must have hit a nerve and my leg moved involuntarily and I screamed, I was in SO much pain it was awful. But soon after that happened it was all over and they asked Tim to help me lay down and get my legs up with the rest of the nursing staff. That’s where I started giggling. I couldn’t help them one little bit. My legs where dead but I could still feel them. It was like having pins and needles, or when your foot goes to sleep and all you can feel is the sensation of it being touched. I couldn’t stop laughing!!! Right up until I got the shiver’s!! Like when you’re really cold, my teeth were chattering and I couldn’t stop it and didn’t feel cold at all!
So they started. Tim sat by my head and held my free hand, making fun of me to take my mind off what was happening. Again, I couldn’t have gone through this without him by my side. I didn’t feel a single ounce of pain, but I could still feel that they were doing something. I don’t know any times of how long it took, but finally I heard a little cry (8.27am) and even though we knew we were having a boy, they said the words “congratulations, you have a baby boy†and very very quickly held him up high enough for me to see him over the curtain. All I saw was his big ball’s though! They were HUGE!!!!!
They did his obs on a table I could see, and I cried as they did it. I wanted him with me so bad but knew I had to wait. Tim and I sat there watching and I totally forgot that they now had to work on sewing me up. Tim kept whispering “Look what we made Mummy†and kissing my forehead. Again, another moment of pure love that made me cry even more! They put Jaxon on my chest for a couple minutes but he needed to be kept warm so they had to take him away. Tim went with them, I wanted him to.
Getting sewn up was the weirdest thing I will ever have to explain. I could feel them moving my skin, but it felt like it was up in the middle of my belly button. And as they were pulling the thread through I could feel the pulling on the skin, but it wasn’t painful. It was SO funny. I wasn’t laughing of course, but it was funny.
Tim came back in and sat with me for the last 10 or so minutes. At one point the doctor mumbled something and I didn’t hear it. Perhaps that’s what was meant to happen because I made the mistake of saying “I didn’t hear that†and so he stuck his head over the curtain and said “I’m just sticking some pain killer’s up your BUM†Gee thanks MISTER!! If ever there was a TMI that I really didn’t need to know, this was it!!!!
Once I was out in recovery they gave me my little boy. He is so precious. I was really not ready to be a Mum and wish I had some sort of time machine to bring back the pregnancy. Here is this little squirming thing that needs ME, that depends on ME…and I feel helpless!! The midwife put him on my boob for a drink and taught Tim the words “OoooM†and “Num Num†which he says now every time it’s time to go on the boob!! I swear we’ll be having sex for the first time and he’ll be saying them then too!
I kept saying to the midwife that JJ’s little feet were going blue, and they were. By the time she came to look he was going purple. He couldn’t keep himself warm which is when they put him under the heat (my profile pic was taken then, that’s obviously Tim’s hand!) They took him away for a bath, and 20 or so minutes later put me back in my room where Mum patiently waited for me.
The Stay
Because of the Gestational Diabetes’ and the fact that they said he was no further than 36 weeks when he was born, JJ couldn’t maintain his body heat and had to stay under the heat on my chest for a full day. I was boiling, but had to do it for him. The first midwife to give me a sponge bath was a MAN! He also happened to be the first one to help me with breast feeding. We didn’t think he was getting any milk so THE MAN midwife…HE milked my boobs! OUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCHHHHH!!!!! OMG I’d rather have my bum fu%ked by a horse!! Again, it needed to be done so JJ could eat. On the next shift JJ was in the nursery and the midwife came in and did the same thing because his blood sugar levels were crashing. At this point I gave permission to give him formula if that’s what they needed to do. They were not getting a lot out of my boobs to help in that department. By the way, it is TWO WEEKS past op and as far as I know, my milk still has not come in. I am never firm and never engorged like everyone says I should be!
From this point on his blood sugar levels were checked every 3 hours. Seven days of heal pricks…his little feet were black and blue. I can’t stress enough how critical it all felt from here on in. His blood sugar should have been above 2.6 but at times it was down to 1.4 and he was really crashing. These were very scary moments, and I was almost glad they had him in the nursery so I didn’t see their frantic moves to get him back to normal.
I hadn’t had morphine during the op so I got to have it for my first night in bed. It didn’t take away the pain but BOY, did it make me feel good! That first night trying to sleep was absolute hell. I couldn’t roll on to my sides; I never sleep flat on my back. I had the IV in AND the catheter in as well!! I kept telling everyone I should have had the catheter inserted at the beginning of the pregnancy! Twenty Four hours without a pee…absolute BLISS!!
The second day very early in the morning they took the IV and catheter out and forced me to get out of bed. OMG!!!! The horse WAS f^%king me six ways left of Sunday!!!!! I have never felt such intense pain as the pain of taking those steps towards the bathroom. The nurse helped me get undressed and popped me in the shower. Through the pain I was still p!ssed at her for having the shower on before I got out of bed…come on lady, water restrictions…global warming!
I got to have a 2 minute shower before I fainted, out like a light. And if there was any dignity left in my poor ol’ body it left the building when she said “Are you dry everywhere?†and I had to ask her to dry my a$$ crack AGAIN! So she dressed me and walked me out, Tim was waiting. I got to him and fainted again. I don’t remember much at all…the pain went away!
But once I was out of bed the pain slowly eased up. I sat in a chair instead of in bed, and I walked all the way to the nursery to see JJ…very VERY slowly! Now it only hurt to get in and out of bed, or to roll over. I still couldn’t lay on my sides in bed either.
They decided that they would try to bottle feed him formula. But one of the midwives said “Nipple Confusion! Nipple Confusion! (think “The sky is falling the sky is falling!), don’t do that…I KNOW, we’ll tube feed him†So they put a tube down his little nose right into his stomach. Then they decided that I would breast feed once (15 minutes each side), and tube feed him the next feed…yay holding a syringe above his little head as the formula went in…what fun bonding we had!
Breast feeding didn’t hurt me one little bit. It was totally frustrating though because he kept falling asleep on the boob. His blood sugar was so low he couldn’t stay awake and he NEVER ever woke up crying to say he was hungry. He just kept sleeping right on through the feeds. While we were there for 9 days, we heard him cry 3 times.
Towards the end of day two in hospital, baby blues kicked in. It was very frustrating to have a crying baby by the bed and not be able to get out and help him. This one time, I was really feeling inadequate because of this. I had to buzz the nurses who took their sweet time to get to me and JJ…to help me sort him out. At this point one of the nurses came in and sat with him and I lay in bed with the lights out crying. I couldn’t help it. I felt so helpless and here are these midwives and nurses who make it all seem so easy. Who make stopping a crying baby and calming them down seem so…natural! It was anything but easy or natural for me…when getting out of bed was something I had to learn to do all over again.
At about 10pm that night the night nurse started her shift. And here starts the longest night of my life!! Up until now, three shifts of midwives that I happened to like and trust had told me 15 minutes on each breast, and a top up with formula. This nurse, Liezel comes along and wakes me up and told me I am starving my baby and we are doing it all wrong. SHE is the expert, SHE has just finished her schooling and it is HER that should be listened to. After my night of crying, and being so tired and worried for Jaxon, I totally lost it at her crying. I kept saying “Why is it that ALL of the other nurses say one thing and you come here and say another?†and all sorts of things. I was SO confused. I couldn’t stop crying, and she kept putting him on the boob even though he was asleep and dropping off every 30 seconds. Even though we had established that he wasn’t getting anything from me. Through the tears I called Tim and told him if he didn’t come and deal with this b!tch…I was walking home! So he came in and the Nazi nurse kept us up until 5am trying to get us to see that SHE was right and that she was the breast feeding Goddess of the world. She kept trying to get us to watch a latching on video. Hello b!tch…he’s latching on just fine! He’s falling asleep…not latching wrong! I have MY technique down pat, he has his technique down pat…he just can’t stay awake!
Needless to say that nurse and I never got along. I will never forgive her for the hell she put us through every time she was on shift. JJ was on three hour feeds and she would FORCE us to breast feed him (even though he wasn’t getting ANYTHING from me since my milk wasn’t in) for 2.5 hours and then say “Right well you have half an hour to sleep, we need to feed in half an hour†LIKE HELL woman! Heck, I think I’ll write a complaint about her Nazi ways!
I was spoiled there because in a three bed bedroom I was all alone for 5 days. Tim could come and go as he pleased; visitor’s had the run of the room. I even walked around naked a bit! Seriously all of your dignity goes out the window when a male midwife gives you a sponge bath AND milk’s you like a cow IN FRONT of your husband and every member of staff…nurse, doctor or otherwise has seen your tits or worse, your twat!! Oh and let’s not forget the doctor shoving pain killer’s up you’re a$$!
So night five comes along and 2 other woman have their babies and join me. This was very stressful. And it was frustrating to watch them WALK to their beds just an hour after having their babies naturally. It was heart breaking to see them bonding with their babies, and changing their babies and feeding their babies the very next day and again I cried A LOT. For me I didn’t have a clue how to change a nappy because the nurses did it for me all the time. And when one of them finally said “I’ve left the nappy for you†I cried my eyes out because I had no clue! But I did make friends with both woman, and since we live in a small town our kids will grow up together. We took photo’s of all of them together…JJ (5 pound 15 ounces) looked tiny next to an 8 pounder and a 10 pounder! And one of them, Nicki is going to complain about Nazi Nurse as well…so that’s even better!!!!!
So tube feeding went on for another couple of nights. I was going stir crazy and got sent home between feeds during the day (the first time Maddy and Mexxi were SO happy to see me that I cried!) Then, a midwife that I had a really big fight with when I was working at the hospital came on shift and I was dreading my night even more than those with the Nazi nurse. But you know what…she was lovely. She said “It’s about time JJ came to the party and played ball†and she helped us to keep him awake. She forced him to breast feed every time he ate. And we weighed him before and after each feed to see how much he was getting from the boob. NOT MUCH at all!! He was meant to be getting 40 mil per feed but he was only getting 15 mil or so. So we HAD to formula feed to get him full and maintain his blood sugar.
The very last night we were there an OLD SCHOOL nurse came on. Tim thought we would hate her, but it was her that made us see that tube feeding was not the answer here. We told her how frustrated I was at being kept in there. That I felt like they would keep us in until JJ was toilet trained and that I just couldn’t bond with him if one) he had his face covered in this big ugly tape and tube, and two) I had to feed him by holding a syringe above his face, it wasn’t healthy for either of us…or Tim. So she taught us a few more keeping baby awake tricks, and said “Nipple confusion….pffffft what a loud of crap! Let’s just concentrate on getting him fed! Bottle feed him and you can go home!†But we did the weigh before and weigh after a breast feed, and with her keeping awake techniques and other things…he got his 40 mil quota!! Tim did the weigh and double checked, and checked again. I thought he was trying to figure it out…but he was double checking. I cried I was so happy!!!
So the next day, we told all of the nurses OUR plan. Screw what they had to say about tube feeding and blah blah, we ARE going home at 8pm tonight, we will express and feed if that’s what it takes. So we hired an electric pump and that’s what we’ve been doing ever since. It’s tiring but the good news is we had our first children’s health services visit last week and THEY figured out within two minutes of hearing our story and looking in JJ’s mouth that he is SEVERELY tongue tied! That’s why he’s not getting anything from me; he can’t bring his tongue up under the nipple to draw the milk down! I’m sort of p!ssed the midwives AND the doctor didn’t look at that. They seemed so content to just tube feed him for the rest of his life. Like how hard can it be to say “baby not feeding well…check list…is the baby tongue tied? Don’t blame the mother for doing it wrong or holding the baby wrong, or the baby for latching wrong…check for freaking tongue tie and fix the actual problem!!
SO that’s our VERY long story!! We came home and have played happy families ever since! Tomorrow (today) we fix the tongue tie, a very simple operation that will take less than two minutes. Then I should be able to take the machine back and breast feed like every other mother!
And before I go, a very special thank you to JeannetteKirk for her constant SMS/TEXT support through out my lonely nights! I cried every time Tim had to leave. We’ve never spent a single night apart and it was so hard watching him go. Without her support I would still be there battling now depression!