Starting Young
Reply
Category Archives: Rants and Rave’s
Big Brother
Jaxon has accepted Dexter in to his home and heart as if he has always been here. I didn’t think it was possible but the way he loves his little brother has made me love HIM even more. My brother was my best friend and I was blessed to have such a close relationship with him so I’m so thankful that so early on I can see that Jaxon is never going to let anyone or anything hurt his little brother. Just like Terry did for me.
He’s here!!
I know it’s been a long time coming but the beauty of the blog is, I can post it just as if it was written last month…at the appropriate time!
Dexter is here. Without going in to too much boring detail, I was induced at 36 weeks for high blood pressure. They started it all off at 3.30pm on the 30th of November and he was finally born via emergency c-section at 6.24pm on the 1st of December 2010 (weighing 2.96 kilo’s) I failed to progress past 6 cm’s.
It’s all a bit of a blur now that it’s said and done. The main things I remember are the sweet sweet gas and pethidine and screaming at my OB “get your fucking hands out of me” and crying through the most excruciating contractions for hours without drugs because the midwife had checked to see how far along I was and thought I was fully dilated. She said she was confident she could talk me through the birth without the use of drugs. But four hours later when checked again, I was still stuck at 6 and had been for hours.
Having a second c-section obviously had not been our plan but we don’t regret that it happened. In fact, I sort of wish I’d saved myself the pain and done it from the start!
Jaxon is being an AMAZING big brother. If not annoyingly so. He wants to kiss Dexter all the time, cuddle Dexter all the time and play with him all the time. That, can be annoying when you’ve just spent the last five hours trying to get Dexter to sleep and when you finally do, his big brother plants a kiss on him somewhere only to wake him up for another two hours.
I will try to blog more often. I have photo’s and little Big Brother stories to share. But we are dealing with yet another crying baby…the Dr’s and health Nurses say it’s colic, so forgive me if I can’t be shagged!
36 weeks 4 days pregnant
Sweet Sweet Gas!
Dexter first born. You can see he has a cone head from being stuck in my cervix for hours. He also had a love bite kind of hickey on his head!
Love at first sight. Daddy and Son meet for the first time. Tim tells me that he and Dexter spent the two hours waiting for me to wake up from the surgery walking the hall ways chatting up nurses
Dexter's natural knot in the umbilical cord. This caused much frustration for both us and the nurses because they could not hear Dexter's heart beat properly through the monitors and I was not allowed to moved off the bed through contractions while they were trying to find it. For three hours. Grrr.
Dexter's weight. 6 pound, 10 ounces
Hours old.
Big Brother lays eyes on Little brother. Not once has Jaxon been jealous of the extra attention the baby needs.
It’s so good to see you!
You have no idea how close we came to losing the family blog. I have been SO UPSET all week.
The reason we wanted to change hosts was because our contract with the old host had expired. They sent us our new bill and I looked around for a better deal. Instead of having to pay $7.95 a month to host with the old host, I found a new one to host for only $3.25 a month.
So it’s logical. To save some money, we decided to change.
We followed all of the directions down to the last letter on how to change hosts. We backed up our database and files. And according to the new and old hosts all we would need to do would be to restore them in the new host control panel.
Well! We did that. And it did not work! If you’ve visited since Monday you may have come across a number of different fatal error warnings.
The new host is local to us. Australian. They boast 24/7 support.
They LIE!!
Each time I would send an email off and tell them exactly what I had done and what was happening (or not happening) because of that. And they would take their sweet time to reply. If you have 24/7 support, how can it take 8 hours to reply an email? I would say “I have done x,y and z and now I get a fatal error that says a,b,c. I don’t know why that is happening. Can you please tell me what I need to do to fix this?” and they would reply “Yes certainly we can help you. Please browse your web site again. And feel free to let us know if you have any further queries”
It seemed the angrier I got about their lack of support the less they replied. So I started calling them and even then, their support was anything but.
Last night, I decided that the only thing to do would be to renew with the more expensive hosts. I did not want to risk leaving my old account so long that they would delete discoverboo from their servers. So this morning I got up, tranferred the money from our savings account and paid up.
And here we are. Two hours later. Back. On. Line.
Crazydomains can go to hell. I would not recommend them to ANYONE.
|
|
A few changes
You’ll have to excuse us for a moment, or three.
We are currently changing web hosts and this may or may not take us off line. We don’t know yet.
Since we have no clue what we’re doing (this is far harder than running a blogger blog where everything is done for you) this may take longer than it would take someone else to do.
If you visit over the next week or so and we’re not here, there’s a good reason for it and HOPE it doesn’t mean we’ve LOST the site!
A Pregnancy Post
I don’t post about being pregnant often. And that’s because up until about 8 weeks ago, I really had no reason to.
Jaxon’s pregnancy was fairly tough. With cramping so painful I couldn’t walk, a threatened miscarriage, heavy swelling from 18 weeks on and of course gestational diabetes, I would have had plenty to bitch about back then.
But this pregnancy has been rather mild. All until I hit the second trimester. When the gastritis, heart burn AND MORNING SICKNESS STRUCK!!
Of course it’s any time of day sickness around here. It could be early morning, late night or even middle of the night.
I am SO over throwing up and still feel like I have so long left before baby arrives. I don’t know how I am going to cope with all this chucking and indigestion!?
By far….
This is by far, the nicest photo I have ever managed to snap of Tim.
See that thing on his face?? The smile?? Not often I get that. I had to say something really funny to get that smile and though it’s totally suitable for your ears and Jaxon’s ears and anyone’s ears that might be close enough to hear, I’m not saying what it was.
I shall just remember that for next time. And Tim, there WILL be a next time. I love seeing you smile!!
Grandma!
Grandma came to visit all the way from Darwin a couple weeks ago. I KNOW!! You don’t need to remind me of how slack I am getting. But all I can say is that after nearly 4 years of blogging…it gets HARD!
I took these photo’s as an absolute last minute thought. We went to the Melbourne Aquarium, had a BBQ come surprise baby shower at my old friends house and did all sorts of little things during her four day stay and yet I didn’t take many photos. I even FORGOT to take the camera to the Aquarium… a photo opportunity that I normally would not miss. Boy was a pissed at myself!!
In the days to follow I’ll try to get you catched up.
BTW…
I’ve been thinking about this post for a LONG time now.
I just haven’t come up with a fun or witty way to put it forward to you. So I’ve sat on it, waiting for that perfect moment in my head where everything just fall’s in to place and the words just flow effortlessly from my mouth.
Some people suggested I just leave it until such a time that, well…it would just be very old news. But that has never been my intention. So I wont do that.
It started out as waiting for the “safe” period to pass. And then, week by week…it’s increased to “ridiculously late for letting people know”
So I have decided that the perfect time for me to tell you has long since past. And that the perfect words are probably never going to just flow from my mouth. So here it is.
Drum Roll please….
I’M PREGNANT!
Ta-Da!
Anatomy 101
Every night Tim, Jaxon and I have a big bath together. We don’t all squeeze in to a tiny little tub. We have a two person spa that fits us all perfectly.
Recently, Jaxon took an interest in my, a-hem…nipples.
I didn’t lie to him when he asked what they are. I told him they were nipples. And I pointed out that he has nipples…and Daddy has nipples. We all have nipples.
Well, for some reason, he called them kettles for a few days. He would point them out on me, and Daddy and himself and say “Mum has kettles, Jaxon has kettles and Daddy has kettles”
He’ll even rattle off every other person he can think of asking “Does so and so have kettles?”
Well!
The other day we visited Nanny and Poppy. And we told them all about the nipple/kettle conversation.
Towards the end, he ever so politely (manner’s and all) asked Nanny to show him her nipples.
For some reason, she didn’t.
I was sort of glad for a while that he was referring to them as kettles. It meant that I wouldn’t get a call from day care telling me he needed to be picked up and that he was suspended for asking his teacher to show him her nipples.
Freddo Frog and Coooorrrrdial!
So over the last few months, Tim and I have found a small selection of foods and drinks that should not be given to Jaxon.
They include musk sticks, licorice (that long stuff, not the small chunky stuff) and lemonade.
If Jaxon has those things, he JUMPS OFF THE WALLS! He’s unbearable to deal with. Not because he get’s all moody or anything, but because he’s way too hyper and way too smiley and LOUD.
It’s just….annoying.
So last night when he started jumping off the couch and springing right back up, or running back and forth from his bed room to the lounge room…Daddy looked at me as if to say “What did YOU give him!?”
So I say “I swear, all he’s had is a freddo frog and some cordial”
And Jaxon, as if to say I was lying started squealing “frog and corrrrdial frog and cooordial frog and cordial” over and over and over again like maybe he’d had a kilo of chocolate and a liter of cordial without water in it.
I swear.
It was JUST a frog and cordial. But we shall keep in mind for future reference that perhaps the combination of freddo frogs and cordial should be left for times when he’s visiting family. Without us.
Whats the point of trying??
In light of my last post, the warning about the doom and gloom to come…I should say, that it’s not just doom and gloom.
But FRUSTRATION too!
As a result of Tim’s MS we get a 17% discount on our power bill. It’s called a Medical Cooling Concession and basically it’s because for people with MS, heat tolerance is drastically reduced. The 17% discount is presumably to help cover the extra cost of cooling over summer.
So the other day we’re sitting at home and get a knock on the door. Not two days after that 17% discount has been added to our bill and we feel a little better about being able to pay it.
The man at the door is about to install a smart meter. Having a smart meter installed means nothing at all to us. But it sends our electricity usage to the company’s every half an hour, instead of having the power meter read every three months.
At the time, we have a friend over. And she tell’s us that they had a smart meter installed a few months back and all it meant to them was a 30% increase in the power bill.
WELL! That pisses me off. Because we’ve only just got the 17% discount and if what she says is true, then it’s been made completely redundant by this stupid smart meter. No matter how you look at it we’re getting a 13% increase.
So she also tells us some ways of saving money on your power bill. And these seem fairly easy and well, regardless of what our bill is or the discount we’re going to get…I get to thinking that it couldn’t hurt to save some money right??
Right!
All she does is turn everything off at the power point when they’re not in use. The microwave, so you don’t pay for the clock. The DVD and TV so you don’t pay for the little red light they have to say they’re on standby. Everything but her fridge and freezer get turned off at the power point over night and if they’re out. She said it has saved them heaps on their electricity bills.
So I woke up the next day determined to make a difference to our power bill. When we left the house for a considerable amount of time, I switched the DVD player and the TV and set top box off at the power.
We came home three hours later, and when we tried to turn the DVD player back on…it wouldn’t. It was BROKEN!
I cried for half an hour. And on and off all night I would break in to spontaneous tears. Because I was simply trying to make a difference. Trying to save some money. And all it got me was another bill. A DVD player replacement bill.
It just seems to me that some times, when you really try to make a difference, something works against you.
I held my arms up high in front of me and I yelled….why do I bother!?
(side note: that didn’t make a pinch of shit of difference. It didn’t even make me FEEL better about having to fork out money we don’t have for a new DVD player. But I did it anyway!)
What I should have said…
I came across a wonderful blog, written by a woman who also happens to live in Australia. Who also happens to have a young son and who also happens to live with depression.
I was incredibly impressed with her writings. Not because she’s out of this world good. But because she tells the truth.
There’s this saying I’m sure you’re well familiar with.
Laugh and the world Laughs with you.
Cry, and you cry alone.
I’ve always hated that saying. But the sad thing is…it’s true.
I can’t help but go back to a time when my life was so bad that I no longer wanted to live it. A time when I was cutting my own flesh because the pain of a physical wound was far easier to deal with than the shit that was going through my head. I remember that I lost a lot of friends during that time. And I also remember, that after my second attempt at suicide, those same friends would say to me “Why didn’t you tell me?”
The truth?
I had been telling them.
And they didn’t want to hear it.
Because I wasn’t laughing.
Well recently, I’ve felt the need to only put the good stuff up here. Because I don’t want to bring people down. And the truth is, not everything about our lives right now is good.
We HAVE suffered a huge blow. We went from moving closer to family and getting a better paid job…to a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis and loss of said job. We’ve gone from having a few very good friends, to having barely anyone to talk to. We’ve gone from floating just enough to be able to do things with a little spare money, to having no money at all.
And it has been HARD.
I’m a highly emotional and passionate person. And that passion and emotion very often comes out in my writing. Writing it down stops me from wandering down a path of self destruction and hurting the people in my life that I love and that love me.
So from now on I just have to write it as it is. I’m not saying that we’re looking down the barrel of a doom and gloom blog from now on. But at times, I need to write to get it out. And the place that I choose to put it is here.
This blog is and always has been about our lives through my eyes. Good or bad. Not putting it all here is cheating myself. Only putting up happy snaps because I have nothing good to report, is a big lie.
Beach
It was terrible weather. Windy, rainy and COLD!
But the family had spent most of the day locked up inside and we needed to get out.
We packed a lunch. Jaxon’s went to the “squeegulls” whom he decided very quickly he did not like.
Toliet Training
Has well and truly started in this house hold.So far, so good. I think.
I just thought I would drop in and say that I find it funny that Jaxon demands absolute privacy when he’s on the toilet. But thinks nothing of asking Mum for a HUG while she does her own thing.
Daddy and I can’t be within “looking distance” when he’s on the loo. He demands that we leave. And he wont do his thing until we’re out of sight. But then the minute either of us need to go to the toilet ourselves…there he is.
“What ya doing Mum?”
“I’m on the toilet Jaxon”
“Can I have a cuddle Mum?”
Shrek 2
I couldn’t help but post this since I watched Shrek the 2nd with Jaxon tonight.
Has anyone else noticed the resemblance of the human Shrek…to Jack Arnold (Dan Lauria) from The Wonder Years?
A day of firsts…
Tim and I have been having the toilet training talk with Jaxon for quite some time now.
It started almost 1.5 years ago when over summer, we left Jaxon in undies.
But we think the issue with that was he HAD AN ACCIDENT and he really REALLY didn’t like it.
So for the past few months we’ve been bringing it up on and off with him with absolutely NO success at all.
Until today. While I was cooking and Jaxon was doing his own thing I happened to sneak a peak at him in his bedroom. There, I found him walking around with a potty on his head. I’m sure we’ve all been busted doing that at some point in our lives right??
Then, about half an hour later I saw him run from his bedroom to the bathroom with no nappy on. And then…HE PUT UNDIES ON!
This is HUGE!
Seriously, if I’d told Jaxon three weeks ago we were done with nappies and all he could wear was undies he would have been clinging on to my feet as I tried to ignore him screaming the house down “NEEEEED NAAAAAAAPPPPPY!!!”
So for the rest of the evening Jaxon wore undies. And nothing else.
But then came dinner time. Yet another thing we’ve been discussing with Jaxon for some time now.
The issue is, he doesn’t want to eat. And for a while we would say to him “You eat your dinner, or you GO TO BED!”
And the evil little genius that he is, would get up and go to bed. Don’t laugh. He has also been known to throw his OWN toys in the bin if we threaten that we will throw them out if he doesn’t pick them up and look after them.
Tonight we figured, since he doesn’t seem to mind getting told to go to bed, then we would force him to stay at the table.
He told us “Can’t eat dinner. Too tired” and we ignored him time after time.
This is how our new direction went tonight.
This is the first time Jaxon has ever fallen asleep at the table. I don’t think he even slept on the boob for those few short weeks we got to breast feed.
(side note: I wasn’t going to put that last photo up, given the position of his hand. But then, I just got all proud of him for doing it with his right hand So it stays, as a milestone post )
Jam Practice
This afternoon Jaxon and I had to go and wait to see an ear, nose and throat doctor.
Jaxon is such a friendly, talkative kid that he’d made quite a few friends in there. He tell’s them all about the “new shoes” he has (the one’s we bought him back in January) and all about the rainbow he got to see today (the one he saw the day we went bowling) and all about how Daddy is at school.
He’s talking to this one lady about Daddy and he turns to me and he says “Mum…Dad at school??” and I say “Yes, Dad is at school practicing for exams ”
Then clear as day Jaxon repeats what he has heard. Only all he says is “Jam practice?”
The friends that he has made, and many of the various strangers that have been listening in on his conversations around the room all simultaneously erupt in to laughter. And it doesn’t stop when Jaxon continues on to say “got toast too Mum?”
Lightning!
Jaxon’s Nanny made him a rug.
This is what he does with it for some of the time.
The rest of the time it’s being lugged from room to room. He hides under it, he rolls on it. He sits on it. He loves it!
Thank you Nanny!
Ten Pin Bowling
Planning Ahead
These past few weeks I’ve been getting in the habit of locking the car in the garage. Normally, we don’t do that. But for some reason, I’ve started doing it.
Perhaps it’s a gut feeling.
Perhaps it’s because I’ve seen those news reports where they tell us all about the three year old kid who took Mum and Dad’s car for a joy ride.
Perhaps, my son is just too clever. This is something I don’t need a lot of imagination for to see that Jaxon could be that child.
And it would be just my luck…to be THAT mother!
Jaxon is well and truly capable of going in to the garage undetected. He knows how to open the car. He knows what the keys do. He even knows how to open the garage door with the remote.
So yes. Now we lock the car and hide the keys away when we get home.
I’d rather my fifteen minutes of fame not come from Jaxon getting pulled over for speeding.
Star Pizza
Fish!
We went to see my Dad last week for a couple of days. He and I were busy out in the garage building things when I spotted this very cool tugboat shaped jar. Immediately I thought…FISH TANK!!
We bought Jaxon two gold fish. He has named them various things over the last few days. Memo (Nemo) seems to stick, but the other fish get’s delegated a different name each time we ask him. It’s been called “Daddy” and “Dago” (Diego) and “Dori”.
I’ll let you know when he’s settled on one name
Fourth Easter
Jaxon had his first Easter Egg Hunt at Nanny’s. I don’t know that he got it this year, though he was excited about finding eggs. I think next year with him will be a blast!
Alright already!
OK, OK. So I haven’t posted for AGES! And now my many fans are starting to notice. You should see the bags upon bags of hate mail we’re getting every day. You’d think the world was coming to an end. People should just learn to live without me
So you can rest easy knowing that I am in fact starting to feel a little like posting again. And to warm you in to my many words of wisdom and dribble I thought I’d share a few photo’s and perhaps a video or two of the last month or so when I’ve not bothered coming here to let you know I wiped my ass.
I did my first paid photo shoot for a friends family. It turned out OK, and it certainly taught me how hard it is to get four people (two of which were not so good at taking directions) to look at the camera at the same time.
I took Jaxon to a local skate park, just for shits and giggles. He had a ball climbing up and down hill’s.
I asked Jaxon what he wanted to do one day and this is what he wanted to do.
We spent a good hour of our morning looking through junk mail.
Jaxon fell in love with DORA!! Our friend works for the place that is doing the nation wide tour of Dora.
Jaxon and I went to the Silver Circus. He wasn’t that impressed until the Ball of Death came out. He thought the motor bike rider was Daddy
If you look just to the right of the “H” in the photo with the NO SMOKING sign in it, you’ll see Jaxon’s head popping out from behind the chairs. This was his way of spending the half hour intermission.
Boo!
Testing….testing…one, two and three.
Yes, it seems the blog is still working. Perhaps it’s me that’s broken?
Jaxon, growing up…
We’re finding that with this parenting thing we have peaks and troughs with who has dominance in the family. Mostly it’s us. But every now and then Jaxon up’s the antes and it takes a week or two to figure out how to deal with it.
So the last week he’s totally had it over us. But tonight I think we finally got it back (for now)
He didn’t eat his dinner. And he didn’t ask to leave the table. And normally, he might get away with that and maybe even get some kind of snack later on if he was hungry.
But tonight, we made a point. He got sent to his room twice. Preferring to play with Mack and Lightning McQueen than sit at the table with us.
In the end, he didn’t eat his dinner. But we made it very clear that after dinner there would be nothing else. And if he got hungry, then we would reheat his dinner for him.
I locked the fridge, I shut the pantry door. But two hours later when he found a bag of tiny teddies somewhere and wanted them I refused. I reheated his dinner.
He ate it.
Control. Bring it on Jaxon!
Line Art
Big Boot
You Should See this…
Dookie all grown up :)
I must admit, that there was a little bit of guilt on my part, when the whole Dad getting stuck with the animals thing happened. A dog is for life, not just for Christmas… that kind of thing. I felt really bad that originally we’d just intended for him to have them while we lived with Nanny and Poppy and then all of a sudden we’re accepted to rent a house that doesn’t allow pets and he’s left with them.
We offered to find them all new homes. It wasn’t what we wanted but I wanted to make sure he got the chance to say, no, I can’t have them all.
But he wouldn’t have it. And now that I think about it, and see just how much he LOVES Dookie…I don’t think we were ever going to get them back.
Now Dad tells me that the minute Dookie first jumped out of our car when we arrived back from Queensland he KNEW this was his dog. He says that Dookie came bounding up to him and though we couldn’t hear it…Dookie was yelling out “Daddddyyy I found you!”
So if in a year, we move and we’re able to have them back…I don’t think I’d have the heart to separate them. Dad didn’t think he would ever have another dog after his last two Marley and Max died. He didn’t think he could love another dog as much as he did those two. But now he says that Dookie will be his last dog. And in a way, I’m glad I gave that gift to him. Dad, like me…has always loved dogs and from my point of view, they have made his life richer.
Dookie is in good hands.
Jaxon at the beach
Jaxon, until now, hasn’t been to the beach.
I was wondering how he’d like it, since he’s pretty funny about the pool sometimes.
But he loved it!
Dad’s Beach
Michael and Kylie, Michael and Kylie, Michael and Kylie!!!
When I first met Tim way back when, I was partially living with an ex boyfriend of mine and his brother and girlfriend Michael and Kylie. As friends. Michael and I were very good friends…but when I met Tim it sort of became a little uncomfortable to be visiting an ex with a new boyfriend. So slowly (or rather quickly actually) I stopped visiting Bill (the ex) and as a result, I didn’t see Michael much anymore.
I hadn’t spoken to him for 7 years. But then, by chance and through the magic of “reply all” on one of Bill’s many rant email’s about the injustice that is having your license taken off you for multiple offences, Michael and I got back in contact.
Well it turns out that Michael and Kylie have been married, and built their own home. Which, I kid you not…is one street away from us! And Bill no longer lives with them. SO! We get to see each other again and we’re all very happy again.
Jaxon though, has taken a very strong liking to both Michael and Kylie. To the point of obsession.
He yells at us if we pass the little street that leads to their house on our way home.
He asks each and every morning if we’re going to see Michael and Kylie.
Sometimes, when he’s hurt himself and we’re trying to comfort him…he asks to see Michael and Kylie.
And when we visit them, he doesn’t want to leave!
On New Years Eve, I had to take Tim home because he’d had his injection and wasn’t feeling very well. So I told Jaxon that I was leaving and he was sitting at the kitchen bench having a drink next to Michael. All I got was a “Bye Mum” with a wave.
Tonight, when we were preparing to leave he was sitting on the step outside with us all chatting away to Michael. He was telling him, in a matter of fact kind of way that “Mummy and Daddy go home now” and we could see the “hmph, I guess that means I’ll have to go with them” in his posture. He was devastated that he had to leave!
Other than Nanny and Poppy I don’t think I’ve ever seen Jaxon so taken by any one person for longer than 3.2 seconds. It’s just amazing. He loves them to death! And might I say, it’s GREAT to have friends who are also so in love with Jaxon. They adore him. If Jaxon could have Godparents…Michael and Kylie would be top of the list!
Living Questions
I’ve joined a project over on FLICKR where I need to take a new photo every single day for a year. What a huge project that is going to be. I’m on day 8 now, obviously day 7 yesterday. I had a hard time of it, seeing that I am not as talented as I thought I was. Not as creative as I’d like to be. Seeing the other amazing photo’s that people put up daily just rams that in to you.
Anyway, I saw this quote in someone else’s photo stream and thought it fitted the way I felt yesterday. And about life in general. We spend our time wondering why things happen, what the meaning of our lives are. But then you read this and it all seems to make sense. It probably doesn’t matter what the answers are, as long as your living life while they come to you.
“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions” – Raner Maria Rilke
Waiting
Do you ever feel like you’re just waiting for something to happen???
I do.
The problem being, I don’t know what I’m waiting for.
I want to be a photographer, but don’t know what my next step is.
I don’t believe that I take good enough photo’s to charge people. But that would seem like the next logical step. To just get out there and start doing it.
That’s pretty hard when you have no faith in your own abilities. Plenty have said that what I do is good. But they’re not looking at the photo’s I’m looking at. And they’re not seeing what I IMAGINE the picture will be in my head before I take it. Hence, they’re not seeing that I’m not getting anything like what I WANT to get from my camera.
It’s very frustrating. Much like when we were doing stained glass, everyone thought the work we did was amazing. But compared to the lady in the shop who did the most amazing things with glass…my stuff was shit. Without a word of a lie.
I just want to go somewhere with this. But don’t know how to go there with it. I want to take photo’s for people, but I’m not confident enough to charge them. But I need practice so I need to take the photo’s to learn my way around. So if I offer my services for free, then people will expect it to be free when one day, it shouldn’t be. But who decides that??
So I sit and wait for something new to happen. Where can I take a class in self confidence???
The Year that was 2009
Well!
What a year we’ve had!
Jaxon turned TWO!
We had a visit from Nanny and Poppy to help celebrate.
We went for our first family camping trip. What a day/night that was!
We saw cows!
Jaxon loves water just like Mummy does.
to THIS!
I lost 20 KILO’s!
Learned to sleep standing up.
And just be plane old adorable!
Jaxon got his first freckles. First of many I am sure.
We went out on a friends boat, a lot!
We visited Australia Zoo, as part of our trickery for Nanny and Poppy’s surprise!
I decided for the family that we should sell everything and move back home to family.
So we did.
We said good bye to some very very good friends.
And Jaxon was fare welled at his physio
Tim got another tattoo…
…and so did I.
We got some careless men (who broke our lawn mower) to pack our stuff in to a big truck and take it all away for us!
We drove all day and all night, and all day again…to get to Dad’s. And then to Nanny and Poppy’s to surprise them!
Jaxon and I went camping for the first of many trips to the Murray with Grandpa Ted.
We moved in to a new house. Jaxon helping Nanny clean the windows.
Tim was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis on the 13th of November.
Another visit from Grandma!
And a visit from Nikki and Jack!
Tim and I set out to build a gingerbread house.
I think we did a pretty good job of it!
It’s (was) even lit from the inside!
We had a normal Christmas morning. This is Jaxon, with German Measles. Who knew!
We experienced CHAOS like we’ve never experienced before.
We got to see Grandma Ann and Grandpa Ted on Christmas day for the first time in over 8 years!
Jaxon had his first train ride.
And most importantly, we added Buzz and Woody from Toy Story to Jaxon’s must have toys!
We look forward to 2010 and hope for a non eventful year.
May you and your families be happy and safe this New Years Eve, and here’s, to a wonderful new year for everyone!
Poppy’s Train
While we were living with Nanny and Poppy, each afternoon when Nanny went to pick Poppy up from work, she would take Jaxon along.
Poppy takes a train to work. So Jaxon soon started to associate the trains with Poppy. It doesn’t matter what train we see, regardless of if Poppy is even on it or not, it’s “Poppy’s train! Poppy’s train!”
So today, since Poppy is on holidays, he took Jaxon on a train. Jaxon had a ball.
Next introduction will have to be a bus!!
New Post, old day.
Just letting you know that I’ve finally posted something that I wrote a little while ago.
You can find it here.
New Born Photo Shoot
My cousin very recently had her first baby and was very kind to let me take some happy snaps of him yesterday.
I had this idea in my head that new born photography would be cool. Because it’s not like they can get away.
But they don’t take instructions very well either. And though they can’t get up and walk away…they wriggle! They most certainly do not like being naked and man handled or place in position either!
That’s not to say I don’t still think new born photography is cool. Love it…but it was certainly harder than I expected to capture Jacob, who is only three weeks old…in a good light. With his patchy red new skin and milk pimples. A lesson learned.
MS Hopeful
I really can’t talk for Tim on this subject. I can only speak for me, and how this has affected my life and that of my family. How I’ve taken to the news of Tim’s Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis. Having said that, Tim does have his own profile…so he can write it here if he wants. It’s probably just not his style to put it all out there though.
Multiple Sclerosis, aside from being a hard word to spell correctly every time, is a scary disease. So much of it is unknown. So much of the process for diagnosis is “hurry up and wait.”
You want to do the tests, you want to find the answer’s. You want to do everything you possibly can to be able to take control and start treatment. But you just can’t do it. You have to wait.
You have to wait to find out what kind of MS you have. You have to wait for MRI results, lumbar puncture results, for medication to begin. In the mean time, you don’t know. You just wait.
And while you wait, you read. Everything you can get your hands on. But that sometimes makes things much worse. You get to see the worst case scenario’s. Wheel chairs, suicidal tendencies. Disability. All very frightening, but very real. Even if right now they don’t apply…and may never apply….the possibilities are there and they’re terrifying.
Really, Tim’s Dr’s have been great. They’re supportive and informative. They have made themselves available to him whenever he’s had questions or needed advice about anything he has questions about. But aside from offering advice about what drugs he’ll soon need to start taking and life style changes that he could make (more rest, don’t over do it), no mention of any other successful treatments has been mentioned. No natural therapies, no this or that.
So I’m happy to have found a wonderful site. And perhaps some real hope in all of the unknown quantities that we’re now faced with.
It seems that a very long time ago, a study was taken out over 34 years. A study that investigated the relationship between the amount of fat in the diets of MS sufferer’s. It seems that there is in fact a connection between the amount of fat you eat, and the progression of MS itself. The less fat you eat, the more chance you have of living a normal life with little or no physical disability over time.
Of course, each case is individual. And I’m sure there are plenty of Dr’s who would say this is utter bullshit. But what could be the harm in trying right? What could possibly go wrong if we decided to give a very low fat diet a go?? Which of course, we will be. Once we’ve learned where to start.
If you’d like to do some reading about this research, or even read some of the testimonial’s, research about oil’s and supplements that could or can help with MS…here’s a great place to start.
The Swank Diet (they call themselves Swankers, kinda funny!)
It’s just been nice over the last couple of hours to see so many people with MS who have so much confidence in this special diet. To see that aside from the medications, which can not cure or stop but only slow down the progression of MS symptoms, there is another option. There is something that we can do to take control of this shit we’ve been handed. It’s nice to read stories from real people, who after starting the diet…have had fewer attacks. Less aggressive attacks. And many of them, after 35-40 years of living with MS are still walking. Still functioning like they don’t have MS at all.
To Infinity, and Beyond!!!
Jaxon’s latest craze?
Toy Story.
When Jaxon grows up, he wants to be a Space Ranger!
Australia Zoo
20-12
Tim and I just watched that movie, 2012.
While watching the movie, which was incredibly LONG and very very LOUD, all I could keep thinking was…is this going to happen in my life time?
Is the end of the world as we know it, on it’s way…and will I get to see it?
Then I looked down at Jaxon, who was asleep in my lap since we were at a friends house, and wondered…what would I do?
Would I panic? Would I fight to survive it if I could…if that were possible? Or, for the sake of my child…would I be all life as normal?
I decided that it would probably be life as normal. Maybe a suicide pact? Maybe a peaceful moment where Tim, Jaxon and I all looked in to each others eyes and were just thankful we were together as the waves hit…earth crumbled in around us/sky went dark (insert dooms day ending here)
Perhaps a family BBQ, where we all got drunk and merry…and just lived while we could. Not worrying too much about what might happen or how it might end for us.
Part of me likes to think that if this were to happen I would fight for my life and the life of my family. To see it through to the last millisecond, never giving up hope. But then the other part of me thinks that if it’s meant to happen…and we’re meant to survive…then we will.
Just a thought. Let’s hope it doesn’t happen. But if it does…at least I’ve thought it through right?
This is what happens…
When you use your sons toys to practice your photography lighting!
Progress Update
I thought it time to update everyone on Tim’s progress now that he’s started rehab.
He’s doing really well, and it looks as though he’ll be A-OK for returning to work and driving. Though we don’t know when that will be as yet.
At rehab, he does occupational therapy. Or TORTURE as Tim call’s it.
They do silly things to get his hand working. Like using pegs, picking up coins, undoing and redoing buttons. Unlocking and locking locks, nuts and bolts and playing with plasticine. Writing.
All things which he complains about. But the reality is, it works. And it’s helping.
He’s doing so well. So despite the bitching, we’re seeing a lot of progress. Four weeks ago he couldn’t hold a pen to save his life, but now he can. Four weeks ago he couldn’t reach for something without missing it completely and now he can. I’m really pleased to go along with him and see each day what his improvements are.
Broom Broom
We’ve finally found ourselves a project.
Or many.
Tonight I made up a mini light box.
This is one of my photo’s.
More to come.
(Nanny I promise we’ll bring your car back soon )
Stay Positive
It only gets you so far.
It’s easy for everyone to offer that advice. It’s even easy enough to say you ARE staying positive. But on days like today, it’s just not enough.
Days when nothing is going right. When you don’t know what the future holds and where it’s going to take you.
Granted, no one knows what the future holds or where it’s going to take them. But you live day to day and you just get there.
At the moment, we don’t know if Tim has his job or doesn’t have his job. We don’t know if his rehab is going to help his hand or if he has lost the proper use of it or not. We don’t know if his body is going to respond to the drug treatment that he’ll eventually be put on. We don’t know if we’ll be able to put food on the table next week, much less keep the roof over our heads. We don’t know anything.
The jokes have all run out and I’m telling you now, staying positive only gets us so far. It’s getting hard to get out of bed and smile. The stress levels around here are out of control. Every time I wake up and Tim is in bed next to me I’m reminded that he’s not at work, not getting paid and not sure if he’ll be going back. Every time Tim drops something, can’t open a jar, shave his own face, carry his son or needs help to do the smallest things, he’s reminded that something is not right and it’s never going to go away.
Though he looks 100% fine, he’s not. Though I smile and say we’re doing ok…we’re not.
Right now, the fear of the unknown is stronger than our ability to remain upbeat and positive about this blow that has been given us. It seems that any time Tim and I finally think and feel we’re on our way to doing the things we want to do…and actually have the ability to do that….something get’s thrown our way. And every now and then, though we remain as positive as we can…we just want to throw our arms in the air and yell “Why me?” or “I give up”
M.S I’m Normal
I think everyone knows now that I’ve been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. That was Friday the 13th of November.
I came out of hospital after my first round of steroids and I’ve spoken to a lot of friends who would have called me to say hi, but didn’t know what exactly to say.
The problem is that people don’t know what MS is. Or what it means. Many people I’ve spoken to have known other people with it and they were terrified that I was like that. They assumed the worst.
The treatments for MS have changed. It’s not an easy diagnosis. But at the same time it is manageable and I may never know I even have MS.
Boo and I made up a video last night to show you. Because when people first heard about this, they assumed I was in a wheelchair, or couldn’t talk. Or went blind. Worst case scenario’s which don’t apply to me.
For the moment, I’ve lost the ability to use my left hand. I’m left handed so it will take time to adjust. With medication I might just get it back too. Best case scenario.
I’m still me. I’m still crazy. I’m still the same old Tim that everyone knows and hopefully loves
Comments would be appreciated. I don’t know what it’s like to be on the other side of the fence. What did you think and feel when you heard about my diagnosis?
No Mummy, please don’t go!
Today, as I dropped Jaxon off for his second day in his new day care, I expected a fight. After all, at his last day care he was crying before we got out of the car in the car park. Then he’d cling to me, making it almost impossible to carry him inside. And then he’d scream bloody murder that I was leaving him IN THIS HELL HOLE!
Today, he practically pushed me out the door. Go Mum. I’ve got this.
I tried very hard to make sure he understood. Mummy is leaving now Jaxon.
He wouldn’t even hug me. I had to beg for a hug.
And then, he looked at me as if to say…go Mum, you’re embarrassing me.
But Jaxon. I don’t think you quite understand me. I’m going now and I’m leaving you and you’ll be alone and scared in a new place and I wont be back for a very long time.
As I walk out the door Jaxon raises his eye brows at me. Roll’s his eyes and if he had the words they would have sounded much like this.
STOP CRYING MUM, You’re embarrassing me!