Dexter-ism with a taste of Jaxon on the side…

Just as grains of sand through the hourglass…

Dexter: Mum, purple man always smiles like this. (Insert cheesy grin)
Jaxon: No he doesn’t.
Dexter: Yes he does.
Jaxon: No he doesn’t.
Dexter: Yes. He. Does!
Jaxon: No. He. Doesn’t.
Dexter: YES. HE. DOES!!! Muuuum, teeellll Jaxooon that purple man alllways smiles like THIS! (Insert cheesy grin here)

…so are the days of our lives



At bed time Jaxon get’s ten minutes to play with his lego. At some point, way past his ten minutes he will come out to show us something he has built and we will tell him it’s time to turn his light off and go to bed.

Well the last few weeks he has been coming out AFTER that point claiming that he was “sleep building” so that he could show us what he’s been making.

Good try, but GO TO SLEEP!


Jaxon’s new craze. Marbles.

Jaxon: I think I lost some of my marbles.

Me: Me too.

Jaxon: I didn’t know you had marbles?

Me: of course you didn’t.  I lost them.


On our way to drop Dexter off at day care a man stopped at the lights next to us opened his window and spat out of it.

Me: What a dirty disgusting pig!
Jaxon: Was there a pig in that car?

jaxon resized

Jaxon-ism’s 991

The evening before Anzac day.

Jaxon: Mum can I play with your tablet tomorrow??

Mum: Nope. I’ve told you, it’s my phone. Not a toy. You can only play with it on Friday afternoons.

Jaxon: But Mum, at the Anzac day assembly today the principle told us all that if our Mum or Dad have a tablet we are allowed to play with it on Anzac day because it’s a day off and we should have fun.

Mum: Oh Really? Did they write a note too??

Nice try.

Try harder!

Jaxon-ism’s 3575

I was having a hot bubble bath at 2.30 in the morning when I heard a few very hard bumps in the night coming from Jaxon’s room.

After the second one I thought I had better go and check on him.

When I opened his door my jaw nearly hit the ground and I’m pretty sure if I’d had coke in my mouth I would have spurted it out of my nose.

Jaxon was laying flat on his back. He was wearing his warm red hoodie. But he had no pj bottoms on. Only blue undies.

The kicker? He had also somehow managed to stuff two ducky’s and a rather large soft spiderman doll in to the jacket.

He had red arms, yellow feet and beaks poking out everywhere! He looked like Santa’s toy sack full of toys poking out here and there. Or a body builder gone very wrong. To be more accurate, a body builder gone wrong with ghostly white chicken legs. SO. You know what comes next right?



I quickly ducked out to get the camera. While I was walking back to his room I got worried that my opening his door and walking in closer would wake him. Which would of course be a pain in the ass for me but more importantly, I’d miss the BEST sleeping photo EVER!

So I did a video instead. I got as far as whispering into the microphone “This one can’t be missed” when, once I got to the crack in the door he totally busted me trying to sneak in! WITH the camera!!

Bad Mummy!! 0

Unfortunately he had already taken off his jacket and was replacing it with a t-shirt claiming he was just too hot.

Bugger! I think I really could have got a video on to Funniest Home Video’s.

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Recently while cruising the isle’s of The Reject Shop I came across a couple little water squirter things. I thought both boys would be able to use them.

I was wrong. But anyway. Jaxon likes them.

Well Jaxon was playing with it and his tub of water under and on the trampoline. It didn’t look as innocent as it should have. I asked “What ya up to Jaxon?”

He replied quite matter of factly, “I was trying to get it to squirt over the fence” (where our neighbours were having a small gathering.

I said ‘I hope you’re not squirting our neighbours?’

“Well” he said,’they were arguing’

‘That’s got norhing to do with us’

‘Well actually, they were annoying!

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We were putting Jaxon to bed the other night and as i left the room i said my usual line. “Nigh Nigh, Mummy loves you. I’ll see you in the morning”

He gave me his normal request, “can I play for a little bit?” Yes Jaxon. But ill be checking in on you in 10 minutes. You’d better be asleep.

He said “But if im not quiet as a mouse in ten minutes can I have ten more minutes and could I also have ten more chances?

Um no. Jaxon. But very clever way of saying “Just five more minutes” and stalling.


Jaxon read his book to me all by himself and I was so proud I told him he deserved a special sticker for doing so well. We searched in the drawers where the stickers normally are but couldn’t find any. After exhausting all possible spots for the stickers to be and determining that we probably wouldn’t find any Jaxon looked up at me and said “Maybe I don’t deserve a sticker??”

In the car on the way to school the other morning Jaxon complained that the radio was too loud. I’d just turned it up to listen to the news because the kids were being so noisy in the back seat I couldn’t hear a thing. So I told Jaxon “Then you two need to quiet down back there” His excuse for being so loud?? “We are pretending to be your radio”

Jaxon-ism’s hot off the press

Jaxon: Mum, Dad. Guess what?
M&D: What? What??
Jaxon: I went to the toilet without the light on.
Daddy: Good for you. Buddy.
Mum: Um, how about we leave the light turned on for a few more years Jaxon. What if you miss the toilet and wee on the wall? Mummy needs to clean that up. Yuk.
Dad: Yeah, ok (wise and wonderful almighty thinking ahead wife of my children) how about for now you just use the lights so you can see the toilet bowl Jaxon.
Jaxon: I don’t need to though.
Mum: Why?
Jaxon: I have my glow in the dark Pj’s on so I can see.

I know, I know!!

I KNOW!! Stop yelling at me! Yes, it’s been a while since I blogged. No, I didn’t really have a good excuse. But, I’m here now and I’ve caught you up so if you haven’t already, all of the blog posts up to “Battle of the Will’s # 2″ are new so go catch up now and quit bitching at me!!

To be honest, I got all depressed about Dexter’s hair cut for a few days (yes, I really did) and then I had two sick kids for a week. Then I had a visit from Grandma, another sick kid, a dirty desk and a lot of other things to do that were far more interesting than this. Like, I did some oil paintings. No, you can’t see them. Because they’re not finished. And they’re not good enough to be seen yet.

Anyway, enough is enough. I’m here and to my one true loyal reader, I’m sorry. I know you’ve been having a hard time of not having me to keep you company at work but now I’m back!!

So just quickly, here’s a Jaxon-ism for you, fresh off the press!

Last night Jaxon woke up from a bad dream about big giant ants chasing him. This conversation happened at 3am in the morning.

Jaxon: Mum, is your back still sore?
Mum: Sometimes. But mostly Jaxon there’s something wrong in my back that makes it so my leg hurts. (rubbed hand down his spine to show where it was wrong and how it travel’s down in to my leg)
Jaxon: Maybe you ate a nail Mum?
Mum: (supressed laughter) Maybe.
Jaxon: I do that all the time.

Jaxon-ism’s 74

On the way home from school…

Jaxon: Can I go for a ride when we get home??
Mum: Where would you go?
Jaxon: Just out.
Mum: I think you might be a bit too young to go out by yourself just yet Jaxon.
Jaxon: I promise I’ll come back.

Tonight while I was doing the dishes Jaxon and Dexter gave themselves a task. To move their toy box from point A to point B, one and a half meter’s away. It took them fifteen minutes. There was a lot of “No Dexter, we’re pushing now. Dexter we’re not pulling anymore!” and “Do it like this Dexter”

When they had finally got it done Jaxon announced “I moved the toy box for you Mum” I thanked him. Then, he continued… “so you can vacuum where it used to be”

During our second Battle of Will’s (there have been three now, and I’ve won all three. He ate everything on his plate tonight!) he sat at the table trying to tell our house mate why he couldn’t eat his dinner. When she said all he had to do was eat and he could leave the table he put his hands up to his head and said “I’m so infused” (confused!)

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Look. This is getting REALLY hard!

The Jaxon-ism’s are coming hard and fast and I can’t remember half of them by the end of the day! Especially when he spits these things out in the car more often than not. I have a book on the table outside to write it all in. I have the mobile when I’m out and about. But I can’t stop looking at the roads!!

So, the other day we took our Soul Family in to Melbourne to see some of the sights. We got the City Circle Tram in to the Old Melbourne Gaol, then back down to Flinders Street to the Yarra and then home. A loooooong day!

On the way home we stopped for more booze. James and Harry were fast asleep in the car when Jaxon asked where they were.

Jaxon: Where’s James and Harry?
Mum: Asleep in the car.
Jaxon: Why?
Mum: Because that’s what normal kids do in the car after a long day!
Jaxon: I’m not normal!
(Dexter was not asleep either!?!?)

On the way to get Jaxon new texta’s after school last Friday.

Mum: We’re going to get you new texta’s Jaxon.
Jaxon: Jessica got new texta’s.
Mum: Did she??
Jaxon: Yeah. I don’t want the same texta’s as Jessica. That would just be weird.

When we got home from the texta shop, Dexter was still in day care. So Jaxon got all of his texta’s and all of his new pens and a pad of paper to go crazy on. But the rule was that when we got back with Dexter he would have to have them ALL away and have ALL of the lids on. So we went to Nanny and Poppy’s for pizza (yum!) and when we got home the texta’s were ALL over the lounge room floor. I had to help him get them all packed up and every single lid had been taken off.

While we’re doing it I am getting frustrated at him. I kept saying “Jaxon! Why did you take ALL of the lids off!?” and towards the end of our 20 minute exercise in matching lids to pens he said to me “I think I got a bit carried away didn’t I Mum?” (You think!?)

The other afternoon Daddy hopped in the sandpit with Jaxon and started making sand castles with him. He pulled the bucket up on one sand castle and then on another. The turrets on one had come off and the turrets on the other were still there. Jaxon pointed at the one with turrets and said “Hey that one’s got turrets”

Now, I write turrets as if I actually knew what that word was 5 days ago. But I didn’t! I’ll wait here while you go and google turrets…

Daddy looked over at me and I looked at him questioningly and he nodded. Yes, they really are called turrets.

When asked where he learned that from…he told us Mr Maker. A craft show we have for him where Mr Maker makes bigger junk out of smaller junk you’d find in your kitchen. Empty boxes become money boxes. Plates and paint become spiders and what not. I hate Mr Maker…but he taught Jaxon about turrets. And Jaxon taught me about turrets. So I guess I have to go easy on him.

Jaxon-ism’s 41

While I was hanging out the washing Jaxon came out to me and asked me if I could get him roller skates. It was like he was reading my mind when he said “I don’t know where I get these good idea’s from Mum!”

In the car with Dad.

Jaxon: Mum, did you tell Dad about when I was at the park and I was camping and I saw the fire works??
Mum: Um, I don’t remember that Jaxon…
Jaxon: Neither do I

On wanting to go to Daniel’s house for a play date over the holidays and being told over and over that he couldn’t because Mum was sick.

Jaxon: Are you a bit sick Mum?
Mum: Yes.
Jaxon: Are you a tiny bit sick Mum?
Mum: Yes Jaxon.
Jaxon: But not a lot sick any more right?
Mum: I feel better now Jaxon but I’m not well yet.
Jaxon: Can we go to Daniels now then?

And last but not least, and possibly not even a Jaxon-ism. Someone at his school has taught him a new song. So now Jaxon sings in the back seat of the car on the way home “Bad boys, bad boys…what ya gonna do? What ya gonna do when they come to poo??” I couldn’t help but laugh the first time he did this. And now I’m am totally over being asked “Is that still funny Mum?”

Yay…we’re free!!

This possibly fall’s under a Jaxon-ism.

I’ve decided these school holidays that I have a couple of new goals to reach.

One, I want to lose three kilo’s. To get me below 80. I haven’t been below 80 since I was 16 or so!

Two, to start taking more GOOD photo’s of the boys. I’ve been using the auto function for nearly two years now. Since Tim had his MS attack.

So I haven’t taken them out for a very long time to do JUST that. I don’t think Jaxon would even remember our little trips to parks and creeks and what not just  to take photos. As I said, first time in years.

Yet when I put the camera down for a few minutes he asked me if I was going to stop taking photo’s. When I replied yes he exclaimed “Yay, we’re freeee”

It can’t be that bad can it?? For furture reference Jaxon, Mummy only has a few baby to teen photo’s to remember life as a child by. Count yourself lucky!

My anal retentiveness means I have to seperate these photo’s because they’re different layouts and it would piss me off to look at all mixed up!

Thanks to daylight savings I actually took the boys to the park at just past 7am in the morning. I was wondering why no one else was there!

Jaxon-ism’s 117

On the way home from Nanny and Poppy’s in the dark

Jaxon: Hey! The moons following us!
Mum and Dad: Is it??
Jaxon: That’s funny. The moon doesn’t have legs!

On going to the toilet before bed…

Jaxon: Mum, I don’t want to go to the toilet, it smells.
Mum: What does it smell like Jaxon?
Jaxon: Chicken nuggets.

On the car wash we passed.

Jaxon: Hey Mum, I know what that big machine is that washes the cars!!
Mum: What’s it called Jaxon?
Jaxon: A car wash!
Mum: How do you know that Jaxon? Did you learn that at school??
Jaxon: No, I just know.

Last week both boys were sick. I think it’s really the first time I’ve ever had to deal with them both being so sick at the same time and it was TOUGH! They only had a bad cough and a very snotty running nose but they were both having trouble sleeping through the cough.

So this one night Dexter wakes up at 1.45am. I get up, give him a bottle and get him settled back down by about 3am. At which point, Jaxon wakes up during one of his coughing fits and comes out to me just as I’m heading back to bed.

He said to me “Mum, do you stay up all night every night??”

It was such a bad night. I had Dexter first, then Jaxon. Then once I got him to go back to bed Dexter woke up again and by the time HE went back to bed, Jaxon woke up for his usual morning like he wasn’t sick and didn’t need rest! By the end of the four days I had both boys home coughing at slattering at me…I certainly needed a rest!

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On being asked what he wants to do when he grows up by his teacher?? BIKER

On Mummy opening the garage door for Daddy when it wasn’t actually Daddy’s bike she heard? “Then why did the BLOODY door open?”

On his desire to get a parachute?
Mummy: Will you jump out of a plane?
Jaxon: No, just you and Daddy. I’ll stay on the plane. Then you can meet me at the airport and drive me home. Okay?”

Oh oh oh! This isn’t a Jaxon’ism! But it was very funny for Tim and I! Jaxon walked out of his bed room when he was meant to be getting ready for bed. He picked up one of Dexter’s toys and I asked him to put it away and then go and get his PJ’s on. Well!!

Jaxon deliberately threw the toy on the ground and I had a go at him. I told him to put it away like he was told and get to bed.

So he started walking past me with a SMILE on his face and boy did it make me MAD! So before I even knew what I was doing…I yelled at him “Hey! Get that smile off your face YOUNG MAN!” and Tim burst out laughing (quietly) at me and I had to turn away laughing too!

I remember so vividly not being able to stop laughing at my Mum when she was yelling at me. And I remember that the more she got angry that I was smiling or laughing, the more I found it funny. Oh boy…karma’s going to be a bitch to me!

Jaxon-ism’s 423

Jaxon: Mum, did you and Dad go to a wedding when you got married??

Then, we had a conversation about how long we’ve been married. I told him nine years. He thought about that for a little and told me, that’s not very long. I told him in the big scheme of things it’s not very long but that it was a good achievement these days by most people’s standards.

Then I told him that Nanny and Poppy have been married for 36 years and his jaw dropped. He said “That’s OLDER than YOU!!”

Jaxon-ism’s 10,012 and 10,013

These were all on the same day! Jaxon was full of them tonight!!

Jaxon: Do you know what Miss Jodie’s name  is Mum?
Mum: Miss Jodie??
Jaxon: You’re too clever Mum (Thats the Poppy in him!)

Then later, while I did the dishes Jaxon came out of his room where Dexter had obviously taken one of his plastic baby spoons earlier. He carries it over to me at the sink with this “You silly duffer” look on his face and says “Muum, are you forgetting something??”

Jaxon-ism’s 10,011

Jaxon’s going through a bit of a food strike at the moment and isn’t eating lunch at school. So when he gets home he’s starving and I wont give him anything because he has a perfectly good lunch to eat. So until dinner, he can eat his lunch…or go hungry.

He’s choosing to go hungry. But that doesn’t mean he can’t hassle me every 42.5 seconds about when dinner is going to be…or when I’m going to start dinner. Or can I have something to eat that’s NOT my lunch??

This afternoon I told him, after answering this question for two hours that I would start dinner in 5 minutes. Two minutes later he asked again so I said “Yes Jaxon I’m cooking dinner right now. Now get off my back”

“I’m not on your back. Are you cooking dinner yet?”

How is it possible to love something and dispise it at the very same time!?

Stupid Snails!

Tonight, at bed time, a snail was making it’s way across Jaxon’s window as we put his blind down. A teeny weeny one, no bigger or smaller than a 5 cent piece.

Well after his book Jaxon was trying to stall and said “I just want to see if the snail is still there”

Well, being the know it all mother that I am I said “The snail will still be there now lay down”

Just to be safe Jaxon insisted that he “just check and see”

So as we went to open up the blind I made him a deal. I said “If that snail is STILL there, you can’t come and wake me up until there is an 8 on the clock. IF, by small chance, the snail is already gone then you can wake me up whenever you want”

I was SO CONFIDENT! How far can a snail move in 3.5 minutes? NOT FAR right!?

Open up the blinds…SNAIL GONE! Stupid snail fell off the window and hadn’t moved a muscle since!

I’m betting Jaxon will stick to pr push the boundaries of his 5am wake up calls tomorrow!

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In the car on the way home from school.

Jaxon: It’s ok to ride a scooter without a helmet isn’t it Mum?

Mum: No Jaxon, you have to wear a helmet when you ride a bike or a scooter to keep you safe.

Jaxon: No it’s ok not to wear one.

Dad: No Jaxon, you have to wear one.. What if you fall off and hurt your head? You might need to go to hospital!

Jaxon: My bottom will break my fall. Then my hands will help me keep safe. Then my legs will roll in and I’ll put my head in and I wont hurt myself.

Jaxon-ism’s 795

To set the scene for this one I have to tell you where we were and what was being said.
I was buckling Jaxon in to his car seat while he and Daddy discussed which way we should go home. Jaxon told Tim to go left when normally we go right. And whenever we go left he bitches that we’re going the wrong way. The conversation went like this…

Daddy: We’re not going left because you always bitch at me.

Jaxon: But I want to go left.

Mum: You promise you wont whinge?

Jaxon: What’s whinge?

Mum: it’s like bitching. It’s when you go “Mum I’m hungry. Mum I’m hungry. Mum I’m hungry. Mum I don’t have a drink I don’t have a drink…” (insert high pitched whine here)

So apparently, when I shut his door and was walking around the car to hop in Jaxon said to Daddy “That’s not how I bitch!”

Jaxon-ism’s – A Sad one…

I am yet to post pictures from our day in the park for Jaxon’s end of year Kinder party. But I will.

Jaxon informed us on the way home from the park, where Santa had rocked up on a Harley and given all the kids lolly pops and hugs, that Santa was “a fake” (his words!)

We’re trying desperately to tell him and have him believe that Santa hires all of those “fake” Santa’s because he can’t be everywhere at once but it’s not going over with him.

I’m sad to think that the magic he finds in Santa may soon be lost. I want to keep it for another year!




Jaxon playing in the mud after a rainy day.

Mum: Get out of the mud and go jump on your trampoline Jaxon!
Jaxon: But my trampoline is too bouncy. It will break me in half. Maybe even in to pieces. Like a jigsaw puzzle. And then I wont be able to jump on my trampoline anymore.

Jaxon-ism’s 765

Jaxon: What are those cards called?
Mum: UNO
Jaxon: No I don’t. What are they called?
Mum: UNO
Jaxon: I don’t Mum!
Mum: Yes you do. UNO
Jaxon: Noooooo I don’t know! Dad, what are those cards called?
Daddy: UNO
Jaxon: No Dad! I don’t know PLEASE tell me what those cards are called?
Daddy: UNO!!

I’m wondering. If we have that exact same conversation with him every time he asks, how many years it will take for the penny to drop??

Jaxon-ism’s 7257

Upon asking Jaxon what he did at kinder today he replied…

Nothing. Nothing at all. I just sat there all day waiting for you to come and pick me up!”

He was covered in sand and a few new leg bruises so I doubt that’s true…but he sure knows how to make a mamma feel guilty!!

Jaxon-ism’s 1027

Jaxon: Mum, I’d like to have that last chocolate muffin.

Mum: Well, if you’re a good boy and eat all of your dinner tonight maybe you could share it with me. Or you could share it with Dexter.

Jaxon: I’d like to share it all by myself Mum.

Jaxon-ism…kind of…

I remember the first time I had a shower all by myself. I don’t know why. I don’t know exactly how old I was. but I do remember that Mum and I had been watching a very OLD version of the Titanic. When I got out of the shower I remember feeling very grown up. And so much more clean than coming out of a bath.

So the last two days Jaxon has asked to have a shower with me. He’s more in to making waterfall’s on the glass doors with the shower head than actually showering but because *I* remember how grown up I felt having showers it became a topic of discussion over dinner.

Here’s how that went…cheeky Daddy.

Mum: Daddy Jaxon had a shower with me today!

Daddy: Did you? I like showering with Mummy too… (that’s the POPPY IN HIM!!!)

Mum: He washes my back for me Jaxon….

Jaxon: What does Mummy do for YOU in the shower…??

Mum and Dad…snicker snicker!

Jaxon-ism’s (599 ish)

On the way home from school in the car.

Jaxon: Mum what are we having for dinner?

Mum: Steak and chips.

Jaxon: I don’t like steak.

Mum: Then you can just have chips.

Jaxon…2 milliseconds later: Mum I want steak, lots and lots of steak.

Mum: I can’t win.

Jaxon: We’re not racing!

Jaxon-isms (06)

I don’t know if this counts as a Jaxon-ism as much as it probably fall’s under a Tim-ism.

The other night Tim returned home from picking up Jaxon from daycare. He told me that we had to find some jokes appropriate for his age.

When I asked why, he told me that he had over heard Jaxon talking to Buzz on the phone and Jaxon had said “I have a joke for you when I see you”

I don’t know what’s worse. That my son has such a large variety of imaginary friends or that my husband was eavesdropping on their conversations.

So much to say!

It’s been yonks since I’ve updated here and let me tell you…I’ve missed it! I have so much to share, so much to tell you and yet…I’m not going to.(yet)

I wanted to give you a LIVE Jaxon’ism!!!

The other day my friends brought us over their old TV unit and it’s become Jaxon’s new toy. He is OBSESSED with cleaning it.

He get’s his wet cloth and he wipes it down from head to toe at least five times a day.

Today though, while I was cleaning the kitchen and he was cleaning his TV Unit he started giving me instructions.

“Hey Mummy. How about I stay here and clean and you go to the shopping center and get Daddy some milk. And me some milk.  And me an egg. I’ll stay here cleaning. And you need to go to the hospital (hostpital) because Rory has a sore leg. And I’ll stay here cleaning. Ok Mummy?”



Just in case you’re not in the know…Rory is from “Rory The Racing Car” Cartoon. He’s one of Jaxon’s many cartoon imaginary friends.

Jaxon-ism’s (05)

Jaxon got given a little chicken that you wind up and it hops all over the place. It started a conversation about eggs and chickens and hatching eggs with chickens in them. I was surprised to learn that he already knows that dinosaurs also lay eggs.

He’s at the WHY stage, which is rather annoying. Lately though, I’ve been trying to answer his questions with actual answer’s rather than “just because”

So when he asked where the dinosaurs were I told him, a big rock hit the Earth a very long time ago and the Dinosaurs all died.

Imagine my suprise when Jaxon told me the solution to the extinction of dinosaurs.

They should have gone to the Doctors.

Jaxon’isms (04)

If ever there was a time when something Jaxon said deserved space on this blog it is now.

While rearranging his bedroom he pointed to a photo of Tim and I on our wedding day and asked “Is that you and Dad when you were boring?”

We explained to him that we got boring about 3 years after that, when he was born.

Jaxon-ism’s (03)

Daddy: If you eat all of your dinner Jaxon you can come and water the garden with me” (Jaxon is a terrible dinner eater and will only have a bite or two of what he’s given)

Jaxon: I have a better idea Daddy. If I drink all of my drink I can come and water the gardens with you. What do you think Daddy??

Jaxon-ism’s (01)

At the ripe old age of 4 years and one month, Jaxon sat on my lap and put his arms around my neck. He looked me right in the eyes and said in a matter of fact kind of way, “What do you want for Christmas Mum?”

I told him that for Christmas I want another little boy as adorable as him.


Sometimes, Jaxon says or does the funniest things that make us laugh until we cry. And yet, mostly, it’s just one funny line. Or one funny expression. It’s hard these days to write up a story for you about the things he says and does so I’m going to start up a new category.


These posts will likely be short and sweet and right to the point. For example, at 4am this morning Jaxon woke me up and said “I need to sleep together with you because my blanket is tired and I’m cold