Look. This is getting REALLY hard!

The Jaxon-ism’s are coming hard and fast and I can’t remember half of them by the end of the day! Especially when he spits these things out in the car more often than not. I have a book on the table outside to write it all in. I have the mobile when I’m out and about. But I can’t stop looking at the roads!!

So, the other day we took our Soul Family in to Melbourne to see some of the sights. We got the City Circle Tram in to the Old Melbourne Gaol, then back down to Flinders Street to the Yarra and then home. A loooooong day!

On the way home we stopped for more booze. James and Harry were fast asleep in the car when Jaxon asked where they were.

Jaxon: Where’s James and Harry?
Mum: Asleep in the car.
Jaxon: Why?
Mum: Because that’s what normal kids do in the car after a long day!
Jaxon: I’m not normal!
(Dexter was not asleep either!?!?)

On the way to get Jaxon new texta’s after school last Friday.

Mum: We’re going to get you new texta’s Jaxon.
Jaxon: Jessica got new texta’s.
Mum: Did she??
Jaxon: Yeah. I don’t want the same texta’s as Jessica. That would just be weird.

When we got home from the texta shop, Dexter was still in day care. So Jaxon got all of his texta’s and all of his new pens and a pad of paper to go crazy on. But the rule was that when we got back with Dexter he would have to have them ALL away and have ALL of the lids on. So we went to Nanny and Poppy’s for pizza (yum!) and when we got home the texta’s were ALL over the lounge room floor. I had to help him get them all packed up and every single lid had been taken off.

While we’re doing it I am getting frustrated at him. I kept saying “Jaxon! Why did you take ALL of the lids off!?” and towards the end of our 20 minute exercise in matching lids to pens he said to me “I think I got a bit carried away didn’t I Mum?” (You think!?)

The other afternoon Daddy hopped in the sandpit with Jaxon and started making sand castles with him. He pulled the bucket up on one sand castle and then on another. The turrets on one had come off and the turrets on the other were still there. Jaxon pointed at the one with turrets and said “Hey that one’s got turrets”

Now, I write turrets as if I actually knew what that word was 5 days ago. But I didn’t! I’ll wait here while you go and google turrets…

Daddy looked over at me and I looked at him questioningly and he nodded. Yes, they really are called turrets.

When asked where he learned that from…he told us Mr Maker. A craft show we have for him where Mr Maker makes bigger junk out of smaller junk you’d find in your kitchen. Empty boxes become money boxes. Plates and paint become spiders and what not. I hate Mr Maker…but he taught Jaxon about turrets. And Jaxon taught me about turrets. So I guess I have to go easy on him.

While I was hanging out the washing Jaxon came out to me and asked me if I could get him roller skates. It was like he was reading my mind when he said “I don’t know where I get these good idea’s from Mum!”

In the car with Dad.

Jaxon: Mum, did you tell Dad about when I was at the park and I was camping and I saw the fire works??
Mum: Um, I don’t remember that Jaxon…
Jaxon: Neither do I

On wanting to go to Daniel’s house for a play date over the holidays and being told over and over that he couldn’t because Mum was sick.

Jaxon: Are you a bit sick Mum?
Mum: Yes.
Jaxon: Are you a tiny bit sick Mum?
Mum: Yes Jaxon.
Jaxon: But not a lot sick any more right?
Mum: I feel better now Jaxon but I’m not well yet.
Jaxon: Can we go to Daniels now then?

And last but not least, and possibly not even a Jaxon-ism. Someone at his school has taught him a new song. So now Jaxon sings in the back seat of the car on the way home “Bad boys, bad boys…what ya gonna do? What ya gonna do when they come to poo??” I couldn’t help but laugh the first time he did this. And now I’m am totally over being asked “Is that still funny Mum?”

On the way home from Nanny and Poppy’s in the dark

Jaxon: Hey! The moons following us!
Mum and Dad: Is it??
Jaxon: That’s funny. The moon doesn’t have legs!

On going to the toilet before bed…

Jaxon: Mum, I don’t want to go to the toilet, it smells.
Mum: What does it smell like Jaxon?
Jaxon: Chicken nuggets.

On the car wash we passed.

Jaxon: Hey Mum, I know what that big machine is that washes the cars!!
Mum: What’s it called Jaxon?
Jaxon: A car wash!
Mum: How do you know that Jaxon? Did you learn that at school??
Jaxon: No, I just know.

Last week both boys were sick. I think it’s really the first time I’ve ever had to deal with them both being so sick at the same time and it was TOUGH! They only had a bad cough and a very snotty running nose but they were both having trouble sleeping through the cough.

So this one night Dexter wakes up at 1.45am. I get up, give him a bottle and get him settled back down by about 3am. At which point, Jaxon wakes up during one of his coughing fits and comes out to me just as I’m heading back to bed.

He said to me “Mum, do you stay up all night every night??”

It was such a bad night. I had Dexter first, then Jaxon. Then once I got him to go back to bed Dexter woke up again and by the time HE went back to bed, Jaxon woke up for his usual morning like he wasn’t sick and didn’t need rest! By the end of the four days I had both boys home coughing at slattering at me…I certainly needed a rest!

On being asked what he wants to do when he grows up by his teacher?? BIKER

On Mummy opening the garage door for Daddy when it wasn’t actually Daddy’s bike she heard? “Then why did the BLOODY door open?”

On his desire to get a parachute?
Mummy: Will you jump out of a plane?
Jaxon: No, just you and Daddy. I’ll stay on the plane. Then you can meet me at the airport and drive me home. Okay?”

Oh oh oh! This isn’t a Jaxon’ism! But it was very funny for Tim and I! Jaxon walked out of his bed room when he was meant to be getting ready for bed. He picked up one of Dexter’s toys and I asked him to put it away and then go and get his PJ’s on. Well!!

Jaxon deliberately threw the toy on the ground and I had a go at him. I told him to put it away like he was told and get to bed.

So he started walking past me with a SMILE on his face and boy did it make me MAD! So before I even knew what I was doing…I yelled at him “Hey! Get that smile off your face YOUNG MAN!” and Tim burst out laughing (quietly) at me and I had to turn away laughing too!

I remember so vividly not being able to stop laughing at my Mum when she was yelling at me. And I remember that the more she got angry that I was smiling or laughing, the more I found it funny. Oh boy…karma’s going to be a bitch to me!

Jaxon: Mum, did you and Dad go to a wedding when you got married??

Then, we had a conversation about how long we’ve been married. I told him nine years. He thought about that for a little and told me, that’s not very long. I told him in the big scheme of things it’s not very long but that it was a good achievement these days by most people’s standards.

Then I told him that Nanny and Poppy have been married for 36 years and his jaw dropped. He said “That’s OLDER than YOU!!”

These were all on the same day! Jaxon was full of them tonight!!

Jaxon: Do you know what Miss Jodie’s name  is Mum?
Mum: Miss Jodie??
Jaxon: You’re too clever Mum (Thats the Poppy in him!)

Then later, while I did the dishes Jaxon came out of his room where Dexter had obviously taken one of his plastic baby spoons earlier. He carries it over to me at the sink with this “You silly duffer” look on his face and says “Muum, are you forgetting something??”

Jaxon’s going through a bit of a food strike at the moment and isn’t eating lunch at school. So when he gets home he’s starving and I wont give him anything because he has a perfectly good lunch to eat. So until dinner, he can eat his lunch…or go hungry.

He’s choosing to go hungry. But that doesn’t mean he can’t hassle me every 42.5 seconds about when dinner is going to be…or when I’m going to start dinner. Or can I have something to eat that’s NOT my lunch??

This afternoon I told him, after answering this question for two hours that I would start dinner in 5 minutes. Two minutes later he asked again so I said “Yes Jaxon I’m cooking dinner right now. Now get off my back”

“I’m not on your back. Are you cooking dinner yet?”

How is it possible to love something and dispise it at the very same time!?

Tonight, at bed time, a snail was making it’s way across Jaxon’s window as we put his blind down. A teeny weeny one, no bigger or smaller than a 5 cent piece.

Well after his book Jaxon was trying to stall and said “I just want to see if the snail is still there”

Well, being the know it all mother that I am I said “The snail will still be there now lay down”

Just to be safe Jaxon insisted that he “just check and see”

So as we went to open up the blind I made him a deal. I said “If that snail is STILL there, you can’t come and wake me up until there is an 8 on the clock. IF, by small chance, the snail is already gone then you can wake me up whenever you want”

I was SO CONFIDENT! How far can a snail move in 3.5 minutes? NOT FAR right!?

Open up the blinds…SNAIL GONE! Stupid snail fell off the window and hadn’t moved a muscle since!

I’m betting Jaxon will stick to pr push the boundaries of his 5am wake up calls tomorrow!

In the car on the way home from school.

Jaxon: It’s ok to ride a scooter without a helmet isn’t it Mum?

Mum: No Jaxon, you have to wear a helmet when you ride a bike or a scooter to keep you safe.

Jaxon: No it’s ok not to wear one.

Dad: No Jaxon, you have to wear one.. What if you fall off and hurt your head? You might need to go to hospital!

Jaxon: My bottom will break my fall. Then my hands will help me keep safe. Then my legs will roll in and I’ll put my head in and I wont hurt myself.

To set the scene for this one I have to tell you where we were and what was being said.
I was buckling Jaxon in to his car seat while he and Daddy discussed which way we should go home. Jaxon told Tim to go left when normally we go right. And whenever we go left he bitches that we’re going the wrong way. The conversation went like this…

Daddy: We’re not going left because you always bitch at me.

Jaxon: But I want to go left.

Mum: You promise you wont whinge?

Jaxon: What’s whinge?

Mum: it’s like bitching. It’s when you go “Mum I’m hungry. Mum I’m hungry. Mum I’m hungry. Mum I don’t have a drink I don’t have a drink…” (insert high pitched whine here)

So apparently, when I shut his door and was walking around the car to hop in Jaxon said to Daddy “That’s not how I bitch!”

Jaxon playing in the mud after a rainy day.

Mum: Get out of the mud and go jump on your trampoline Jaxon!
Jaxon: But my trampoline is too bouncy. It will break me in half. Maybe even in to pieces. Like a jigsaw puzzle. And then I wont be able to jump on my trampoline anymore.

Jaxon: What are those cards called?
Mum: UNO
Jaxon: No I don’t. What are they called?
Mum: UNO
Jaxon: I don’t Mum!
Mum: Yes you do. UNO
Jaxon: Noooooo I don’t know! Dad, what are those cards called?
Daddy: UNO
Jaxon: No Dad! I don’t know PLEASE tell me what those cards are called?
Daddy: UNO!!

I’m wondering. If we have that exact same conversation with him every time he asks, how many years it will take for the penny to drop??

Upon asking Jaxon what he did at kinder today he replied…

“Nothing. Nothing at all. I just sat there all day waiting for you to come and pick me up!”

He was covered in sand and a few new leg bruises so I doubt that’s true…but he sure knows how to make a mamma feel guilty!!

Jaxon: Mum, I’d like to have that last chocolate muffin.

Mum: Well, if you’re a good boy and eat all of your dinner tonight maybe you could share it with me. Or you could share it with Dexter.

Jaxon: I’d like to share it all by myself Mum.

I remember the first time I had a shower all by myself. I don’t know why. I don’t know exactly how old I was. but I do remember that Mum and I had been watching a very OLD version of the Titanic. When I got out of the shower I remember feeling very grown up. And so much more clean than coming out of a bath.

So the last two days Jaxon has asked to have a shower with me. He’s more in to making waterfall’s on the glass doors with the shower head than actually showering but because *I* remember how grown up I felt having showers it became a topic of discussion over dinner.

Here’s how that went…cheeky Daddy.

Mum: Daddy Jaxon had a shower with me today!

Daddy: Did you? I like showering with Mummy too… (that’s the POPPY IN HIM!!!)

Mum: He washes my back for me Jaxon….

Jaxon: What does Mummy do for YOU in the shower…??

Mum and Dad…snicker snicker!

On the way home from school in the car.

Jaxon: Mum what are we having for dinner?

Mum: Steak and chips.

Jaxon: I don’t like steak.

Mum: Then you can just have chips.

Jaxon…2 milliseconds later: Mum I want steak, lots and lots of steak.

Mum: I can’t win.

Jaxon: We’re not racing!

I don’t know if this counts as a Jaxon-ism as much as it probably fall’s under a Tim-ism.

The other night Tim returned home from picking up Jaxon from daycare. He told me that we had to find some jokes appropriate for his age.

When I asked why, he told me that he had over heard Jaxon talking to Buzz on the phone and Jaxon had said “I have a joke for you when I see you”

I don’t know what’s worse. That my son has such a large variety of imaginary friends or that my husband was eavesdropping on their conversations.

Jaxon got given a little chicken that you wind up and it hops all over the place. It started a conversation about eggs and chickens and hatching eggs with chickens in them. I was surprised to learn that he already knows that dinosaurs also lay eggs.

He’s at the WHY stage, which is rather annoying. Lately though, I’ve been trying to answer his questions with actual answer’s rather than “just because”

So when he asked where the dinosaurs were I told him, a big rock hit the Earth a very long time ago and the Dinosaurs all died.

Imagine my suprise when Jaxon told me the solution to the extinction of dinosaurs.

They should have gone to the Doctors.

If ever there was a time when something Jaxon said deserved space on this blog it is now.

While rearranging his bedroom he pointed to a photo of Tim and I on our wedding day and asked “Is that you and Dad when you were boring?”

We explained to him that we got boring about 3 years after that, when he was born.

At the ripe old age of 4 years and one month, Jaxon sat on my lap and put his arms around my neck. He looked me right in the eyes and said in a matter of fact kind of way, “What do you want for Christmas Mum?”

I told him that for Christmas I want another little boy as adorable as him.