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Author Archives: Boo
How Embarrassment!
Oh.Em.Gee!
Dexters kindy teacher is pregnant and today sat the class of 24 kids down to tell them she now knows she’s having a boy.
Class discussion.
Dexters contribution: Yeah but if the baby wants to be a girl, my Mum says thats ok. As long as they’re happy. The boy can just cut his penis off if he wants to be a girl.
Ahhhhh!
Dexter-ism’s #3245
The other night at bed time Dexter made friends with a blow fly. He named it Bill.
This morning, walking from our room to his he made a rather large leap.
“Don’t stand on Bill Mum”
Bill is dead in our door way.
Dexter-ism’s #3467
All parents have those ‘things I thought I’d never say’ moments.
I just had a ‘things I didn’t think I’d hear from my six year old’ moment as Dexter told me…”Time is money Mum”
Dexter-ism’s #27
Rule number 2 last week was ‘When you’re finished with toys you put them away’
This afternoon I had a snooze while Tim and the boys watched a movie. Only Dexter wasn’t interested in the movie so he pottered around in our bedroom.
I just walked in to our walk in robe and found…a set of minecraft books, a beach shovel, a nurf gun and a transformer.
While Tim and I sat on the bed I called Dexter up and said ‘I don’t remember Dad sitting in the cupboard reading minecraft books while having a nurf gun war with a transformer and digging a hole to China. Do you?’
Dexter looked at me dead pan and said ‘You sure missed a lot while you slept’
Dexter-ism’s #6892
Dexter got to see some wild animals at kinder today. He has declared that he wants a sugar glider as a pet.
I agree.
They are soooo cute!
Jaxon-ism’s #11,894
Jaxon: Mum, can we have a treat?
Me: Yep. Mini mars bars tonight. In the cupboard. One each.
Jaxon: Where are they?
Mum: At your head level right next to the…(crash bang splatter on the floor)… herbs and spices.
Jaxon: Found them. Um, Mum…
Jaxon-ism’s #11,746
So Jaxon plays this stupid game called Five Nights at Freddy’s. Today I told him that when I was growing up we had a Freddy and he was much scarier than anything from his FNAF’s. Jaxon disagrees with me and the competetive in me just wants to sit him down one night to watch A Nightmare on Elm Street. That’d show him!
Tim says this could be child abuse. But one day Jaxon. One day you and I have a date!
Jaxon-ism’s #65,768
When I was five my Mum took me to the dentist to get a hole filled. I “apparently” kicked, screamed, yelled and cried. I “apparently” screamed at the dentist that ‘My Mum wont let you hurt me! Get away from me!’
Pffft.
Today Jaxon had his eyes tested by orthopedics at The Royal Childrens Hospital. He needed eye drops. And he kicked and screamed and yelled at him to get away from him. For half an hour he screamed at the top of his lungs ‘I wont do it. EVER!!! I don’t want to. No! No! I’m not doing it’ In the end the head eye specialist came in, wrestled Jaxon to the bed while I held his legs and put the drops in. Waahh wahhh waah!
Anyway. That was my day. I don’t know where he gets it from.
Jaxon-ism’s #4590
Jaxon: Mum, guess what!
Mum: Uumm, you’re (paused to refrain from saying your dumb and I’m not) going to…
Jaxon: I just…
Mum: Hey you didn’t let me guess!!
Jaxon: It was a rhetorical question Mum!
Dexter-ism’s #142
So. I make an awesome car out of cardboard boxes for Dexter, 5, to play in. After half an hour he tells me it’s not quite good enough. Why? Because it doesn’t have a secret basement.
#mumfail
Dexter-ism’s #2,361
Things you never thought you’d hear your perpetual whinger whinge about at 12.34am.
‘Mum, Dougie drank all of my toilet water’
Dexter-ism’s #345
Our budgie Woody died today. He’s been unwell for 2 weeks. I’ve been trying so hard to keep him warm, and make him eat and drink but alas, he’s gone.
I told Dexter a few hours ago. Showed him. He just walked off. Seeming not to care.
Then…
Dexter : I’m sad our bird died.
Mum: I know. We’ll have a funeral for him tonight so we can say goodbye.
Dexter: Then we can use him as a puppet, yeah Mum?
Um. Hmmmm.
Dexter-ism with a taste of Jaxon on the side…
Just as grains of sand through the hourglass…
Dexter: Mum, purple man always smiles like this. (Insert cheesy grin)
Jaxon: No he doesn’t.
Dexter: Yes he does.
Jaxon: No he doesn’t.
Dexter: Yes. He. Does!
Jaxon: No. He. Doesn’t.
Dexter: YES. HE. DOES!!! Muuuum, teeellll Jaxooon that purple man alllways smiles like THIS! (Insert cheesy grin here)
…so are the days of our lives
You’ll miss it when…
I’m going to miss this age they say.
I’m going to miss Jaxon antagonizing Dexter when he thinks we’re not listening.
I’m going to miss Dexter whining and running to us in tears because Jaxon is antagonizing him.
I’m apparently going to miss conversations like this.
Dexter: You cheated!
Jaxon: Its not cheating if you’re better than someone else.
Dexter: I’m not going to be your friend anymore.
Jaxon: You don’t have to be my friend. You just have to be my brother.
Dexter: So you’re not my friend anymore?
Jaxon: No. I’m your brother. And you have to love me no matter if I’m your friend or not.
Dexter: Muuuum! Jaxon said he’s not my friend and he hates me!
Yeah. I’m going to miss this.
Paranoia is…
Looking over to the cat and thinking ‘if looks could kill’
Then, ‘holy shit, I’m done for!!’
Dexter-ism’s Just Coz
He’s just not listening…
Because of Dexter’s speech issues he’s having his hearing tested…again. I could have told them his hearing is fine, he’s just not listening to me!!
I don’t know what to call this one…
How to make a balloon sword.
Step 1) Make a kind of crude looking penis with cock rings at the bottom!
Poor Dougie D
Dougie has been itchy for over a year now. It’s so hard to see, so hard to deal with.
We have tried everything and every time we think we’ve got it pegged the goal posts move and he starts itching again. He’s scratching himself silly, bleeding in spots, scabs in others. It’s driving him nuts and it’s driving US nuts!
We’ve decided to save and go see a doggy dermatologist to get some real answers, since the vet seems to be at his wits end as well. Hopefully we’ll have answers soon.
In the mean time it’s the cone of shame for Dougie D. It’s the only way we can stop him licking.
Bowling
We took Dexter bowling ALONE for the first time. He wasn’t overly impressed. Bored actually. He was more interested in the arcade games.
No doubt Jaxon will be off his head jealous that Dexter got to go bowling without him.
I learned that I can no longer lift my 11 pound bowling ball. I love my bowling ball, but its too heavy for me now. Six pounds is all I can manage now, one game at that 
My Boy is growing up!
Jaxon is off on his own. Spreading his wings, if you will. He’s just been loaded on to a plane ALL BY HIMSELF!
He’s on his way to spend a week with Grandma in Darwin. He’s going to have such a good time.
He’ll be visiting his Great Grandma, going to see some crocs, he’s one lucky boy because he’ll be there for Territory Day. Tim is so jealous!!
Grandma will be coming back with him and visiting for a week. Can’t wait!
Tim was teasing me because he knew I’d cry. But I didn’t. he still teased me though. I will be nervous until he lands.
Dexter-ism’s # 873
Dexter likes scrambled eggs. I make point of this because Jaxon, doesn’t like ANYTHING. Dexter will try anything and if he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like it. Jaxon on the other hand can simply hear the name of something, or look at something and swear “he doesn’t like it”
I don’t know where he could have got this particular trait from. But MY parents might have something to say about it 
At any rate, Dexter LIKES scrambled eggs. So the other day we were having them for lunch and he was on the bench watching me crack eggs. He asked if he could do it and I don’t care what Julie Goodwin says, cooking with kids and making a mess is NOT FUN. So I told him “when you’re older”
Then he looked over at Dougie’s pill’s. Another thing he wants to do (give Dougie his daily pill) that I’m not so willing to let him do just yet.
He said to me straight faced “When I am older you will let me give Dougie his medicine right?” Yes, of course. Then he throws out that “when I am older I will be able to cook. But right now I’m a terrible cook”
Getting Ready for Surgery
So, it’s happening. Jaxon is finally going to have his surgery. We’re not nervous yet.
Just the thought of him going through this is terrifying. But we don’t have a set date yet so we’re trying not to think about that part yet.
Even so, he’s had to have all the pre-surgery tests today and for the most part he was OK. UNTIL…he had to have blood drawn for the first time.
I don’t know why but whenever something tough like this has to happen, it’s Mum who has to hold the child down! Vaccinations, dentists, holding the gas mask over his face as he screams. All. On. Mum.
At any rate, we left the blood thing for the end of an entire day of testing. I’d like to say that the promise of Macca’s can cure any lack of willingness to be poked and prodded and drained of “all my blood” but unfortunately it wasn’t the case.
Dexter-isms #10,233
Today was the most horrible day in terms of weather. So when Dexter and I got to school to pick Jaxon up we waited in the car as long as possible to go in to the yard. It was blowing a gale and raining.
We sat there conversing. Dexter is curious about being born and asked if he was in my tummy, did he kick his way out?
I said no, the Doctor had to cut me (showed him where) and take him out and then the Doctor had to sew me back up.
He asked if it hurt and I answered, it hurt me, but not you.
Then he looked over at me and said “That’s really gross Mum”
Tim’s catch of the holiday…
I said in my earlier post that Tim didn’t catch anything. He made a pretty big deal about it so I think the universe heard him.
On our very last day, as we packed up camp, our lines with their trusty alert bells were in all day. We’d forgotten all about them.
About an hour before we left the resident pelicans (a trio) started their lazy trip up stream. We watched them as they came closer but didn’t think anything of it. Until of course, they started swimming under Tim’s line one by one.
Pelican One. Nothing.
Pelican Two. Nothing.
Pelican Three? Dingaling! Dingaling! Dingaling!
It might possibly have been the highlight of everyone’s holiday, watching Tim run down to his fishing rod as it bounced up and down and up and down as said Pelican Three flew off. He got there just in time to stop him from dragging the rod in to the river, and I know he wouldn’t have gone in for it if it had gone!
Fishing, as usual!
I caught one of the biggest carp I’ve ever seen. It was a huge battle in the dark but wow. He was huge. Pity carp are yuk. We did try to tie one up over night (successfully) to try and cook it during the day but feral child let it go in the morning.
I hope you know I’m not talking about any of our feral kids. I’m talking about feral child from up the way. The child who rode Jaxon’s bike deep in to the river, threw an axe at Dougie D, threw a shovel at Jaxon and was ALWAYS making Dexter cry by telling him he hated him and he should go away.
Tim didn’t catch anything…or did he?? Stay tuned!
Joel was my best company at times. He’s grown up so much!
When it rains…
When Tash and Doug finally joined us we decided to join all of our gazebo’s together. The crappy $65 one we got from Bunnings died in two days of wind and feral child breaking two of it’s guide ropes. We had to go in to town and spend a lot of money (we missed ebay there!) on a new one.
Anyhoo, we ended up with a 6m X 6m gazebo for the four of us and the five of them. Two kitchens and plenty of space for tables and what not.
But while I got left in camp and the other adults left me with the kids it RAINED! Guess where the rain from the four joining gazebo’s goes when it rains? Yep…IN! So all by myself I had to frantically move everything away from the center.
We also had a couple movie nights in there.
The kids holidays
Needless to say, the kids had a BALL!
We somehow fit in their bikes so they could ride around.
Jaxon learned the very important life lesson about cattle grids and how to ride over them faster than he did the first time. He got brought back to us in the back of a ute by two lovely old men after his front tyre fell through the grid and he fell off.
The water was freezing but in typical kid fashion (ok, I got in too!) they were in there almost all day. Not a single “I’m bored” from either of them. Jaxon made friends with the feral kids up the way and got to go in their boat across the river. Once. Once because little did we know feral mother and feral father were planning on just dropping the kids off in NSW and going fishing up the river! The four boys disappeared in to the bush and around the bend with no adult supervision. On the OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER! No thanks!
Dexter made friends with the grey nomads camping next door. They were our saviors twice! The first time when our car battery went flat and we needed a jump start and the second when our gazebo broke a screw and Norm had a replacement for us. He had EVERYTHING! Dexter told him he’d have to get our address so he could come to our house for a play date.
The scenery…
The scenery here is just…spectacular! If I could live in a little hut on the Murray for the rest of my life I would.
I love waking up to the birds singing. I love going to sleep listening to the fire crackle away in to the night.
The photo below was taken in the middle of the night in the middle of a storm.
This next one was just long exposure in full moon light.
Marking our territory…
First things first, marking our territory!
Last year we decided with all the rain that we had with no substantial shelter, that our next purchase would have to be a gazebo. That obnoxious orange thing is it. Ebay, huh?
The flag is my special touch. I’m always proud to see so many flags flying when we’re camping, thought I’d join the band wagon!
Since we’re waiting for Tash, Doug and Co to show up next week we really are marking territory! We are spread out all over the place to stop people from taking the space we’ve saved for them. A family of ferals from town have been set up for the last three weeks. Prime Real Estate!
Home for Two Weeks
Well, despite last years flat tyres and rain, we’re braving the Murray again!
We’re up near Yarrawonga and it is GLORIOUS!!!
Who’s been sleeping in my bed?
Dexter-ism’s
Dexter: Mum, I just ate a snail. I need to go rest…
Nelson Mandela
This is my second attempt at a portrait painting. As you can see, I have greatly improved on my technique since the one of my Dad.
I did this in late 2013 for a South African friend. It takes at least 6 months for the oil to dry, then you have to put a glaze on it to protect it from dust and that needs to dry too. Then I was finally able to send it. She received it late this year and I couldn’t put it here until she’d got it.
I’m very proud of this one.
Christmas With Grandma
This year we were so very lucky to have Grandma down over Christmas! Thank you Grandma for coming!
Hide and Seek
He doesn’t eat them. He just moves them around. Only my shoes mostly. I can’t tell you how many mornings I have gone to put my shoes on only to find that one is missing. Having to ask the dog where your other shoe is when you really need it to go out is no laughing matter!
Dougie D
Because Garfield on the TV is such a huge threat to the family. Dougie Dumbass is always on guard.
DAD
This is my first go at a portrait painting. Obviously, it’s my Dad. It’s not finished, but he has it and has framed it. I love this painting. It may not be finished and it may have it’s faults but…it is such a great likeness to him. I would like to try it again, I have learned a few more things since doing this.
MRI
Jaxon having his MRI to see if his neck needs surgery.
The theory being that it’s possible that one side of his neck is growing while the other fused side is not. They will compare these scans to scans they took last year to find out.
Tim is jealous because Jaxon gets a TV at the end of his bed. There is a mirror above his head and he’s watching a movie. No such special treatment for poor old Tim.
The Park
All of the parks that we frequent have special names. We got to one called The Eiffel Tower” because it has a big climbing thing that looks like it.
This park is called “The Blue Park” because all of the equipment is blue. But Tim and I call it “The Windy Park” because there could be not a breath of wind at home and it’s blowing a gale at this park just a few kilometers away.
MONSTER JAM
For *my* birthday this year we decided to take the kids to Monster Jam. Our Saturday nights have been a treat for them lately, getting to stay up late to watch it with us. By late I mean, like a full half an hour past bed time. But they didn’t know that!
The day was awesome. Though Jaxon was a crank for the first bit of getting to see the trucks up close and personal.
See that child smiling in the photo? Yep, not mine! Some other lucky parents had a kid who was delighted to be taken to something so BIG!
The day improved once we got to our seats. Kids cheered up.
The trucks did not fail to deliver a show.
This last one was a back flip that we’d been waiting for all day. It happened so fast that we nearly missed it!
The between show of stunt bikes was far more exciting I think. The next big thing we take them to will probably have to involve those.
Poor Mexxi
Mexxi got bitten by another dog and he nearly tore her jaw off.
The vets had to remove most of the bottom half of her jaw and a lot of teeth, so now her tongue hangs out.
Now we call her Mexthi.
Pussy in a Pot
I’d love to say that the cat is a genius and is sitting in this pot to keep warm in the sun. But in all likely hood, he’s sitting in this pot planning the mass destruction of the local sparrows.
In the last few weeks he has gone from never catching a thing, other than the odd moth, to bringing in all kinds of things. Amoung them, two pigeons, two canaries, two budgies and a starling.
The bell’s around his neck have gone from cat bell to cow bell. He’s not happy with us, but the birds say thank you…by shitting on our washing.
Etcha-Sketch
In 3d…
Hiding
Jaxon-isms
1.
At bed time Jaxon get’s ten minutes to play with his lego. At some point, way past his ten minutes he will come out to show us something he has built and we will tell him it’s time to turn his light off and go to bed.
Well the last few weeks he has been coming out AFTER that point claiming that he was “sleep building” so that he could show us what he’s been making.
Good try, but GO TO SLEEP!
2.
Jaxon’s new craze. Marbles.
Jaxon: I think I lost some of my marbles.
Me: Me too.
Jaxon: I didn’t know you had marbles?
Me: of course you didn’t. I lost them.
3.
On our way to drop Dexter off at day care a man stopped at the lights next to us opened his window and spat out of it.
Me: What a dirty disgusting pig!
Jaxon: Was there a pig in that car?
Dexter-ism’s
Dexter is talking up a storm and I really should be recording it as it happens so I don’t forget! This is from memory…so not so much.
1.
While I went in to the shops leaving Daddy and Dex in the car, they had a conversation about Dragons. When I got back Dexter told me “I want to be a faggot.” Um, what?? “I want to be a faggon.” Daddy?? He wants to be a dragon!
2.
Dexter: Burp
Daddy: What do you say?
Dexter: Iron Man.
Daddy: Dexter, what do you say?
Dexter: Pardon me Iron Man.
3.
Dexter ‘meowed’ at me then licked my forehead. Um….
4.
Dougie has chewed the bottoms off of both of Woody’s feet (Toy Story)
Dexter just came to us and showed us, saying “Look, no snake in his boots”
5.
Me, draping our fitted sheet over two chairs under the heater vent to dry.
Dexter says ‘Why you making cubby house?’ And I reply ‘Its not really a cubby house. Our sheets need to dry’
Dexter replies ‘Well, its a perfect cubby house too’ and hops under.
He’s been busy moving all of his bedding and toys into his cubby house for half an hour. I expect he’ll want to sleep there.
I will TRY to put them up as they happen!
This is what it looks like when…
Your dog eats a bucket load of loom bands…
It’s in the gene’s…
It’s a terrible photoshop effort. It was a last minute photo shoot. But you get the gist.
The really funny thing is I could probably do this with a photo of my Dad and get the exact same result.